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From: om/cf
To: Marie
Date: Thu Oct 23 00:03:30 2003

Message:
I am so glad to see that Jeb Bush, took matters into his own 
hands and made the State of Florida put that feeding tube back 
into that woman.
___________________________________________________

I agree. It's up to the 'collective family' as I see it, not 
just the husband. His legal team has made an effort to bar her 
family from a hospice she has been moved to last I heard. It's 
an ugly matter.

Sure seems the husband wants a death certificate real bad, 
insurance payolla maybe?


From: Laughing at America
To: om/cf
Date: Thu Oct 23 00:13:47 2003

Message:
Yuk,yuk,yuk. Um-hmmmmmmmmmm.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **CHOOSE YOUR VICTIM**
Date: Thu Oct 23 03:46:22 2003

Message:
If I have no money by tomorrow I was thinking of choosing myself 
a good victim and removing their heads for them with my fists. 
Comments anyone?? LOL!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: om/cf
Date: Thu Oct 23 03:48:52 2003

Message:
Did you know that Mohammed was a mass murderer too? On the days 
he was entirely satisfied with the body count he'd do things 
like algebra too.
_____________________________________

Really? I knew about the mass murdering thing but what amazes me 
about this statement is that an illiterate scumbag was a math 
whizz too. Guess that explains all the technological advances 
springing from the middle east since Mohammad got his virgins. 
Who'da thunk it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Oh boy YESSSS!!! All those Virgins ...
It sure didn't suck to be Mohammed. [btw mass death sentencing 
true mass fucking completely 100% null + void IMO] 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **BY 5:00 P.M. B.S.T. THURSDAY OCTOBER 2003 I SHALL CEASE TO ENTERTAIN THE POSSIBILITY OF LEGAL MARRIAGE PERMANENTLY OR JODIE FOSTER VS. HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON - WHO IS GOING TO WIN?** :)
Date: Thu Oct 23 08:45:07 2003

Message:
It would appear that Jodie has finally realised that 
a "spiritual marriage" is not the hottest fashion accessory on 
the market after all ...
Her contender had agreed from the start! :)
The truth is that the only thing that matters as you dice with 
your futures is a legal document or two.
Warning! If you don't credit that A/C today then I'm calling off 
marriage permanently.
I'll also bang the 'phone down on you so fuck off with it! :)
This is final today and will not be undone.
Anyway, to remind you again, here are my bank account details.

HALIFAX
Mr. R. J. Warwick
Sort Code: 110219
A/C # 00583674

From: Richard Warwick
To:
Subject: **FUZZY LOGIC**
Date: Thu Oct 23 08:55:08 2003

Message:
Now look here the rules are unclear ..
I know that I credited that account first so I win right?
[Forefinger delicately poised in the air to the attention of the 
most eligible materially present bachelor of them all.]
Sorry Hillary! :)
I know! Just credit the account again ...
And so on.
So whilst they fight out their ultimate destinies in real 
terms ...
"Okay kids, I'm getting lunch."

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Subject: **WHATEVER THE OUTCOME I JUST FEEL THAT YOU SUCK ASS**
Date: Thu Oct 23 09:05:42 2003

Message:
In really real terms I have seen the *phone slamming down* 
effect!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **YAY OR NAY?**
Date: Thu Oct 23 09:18:11 2003

Message:
The point being that a certain Jon Snow of Channel 4 News 
assisted the sale of all of these books with bugging equipment a 
couple of days ago. However, when it actually came to their sale 
with a telephone conversation, the signed copy of "The 
Silmarillion" was poorly received. I asked for 300 pounds 
Sterling for all of these books which insultingly was rejected. 
In the end it was a contest between three books: "The Satanic 
Verses" and "The Pelican Brief" and "Hard Frost". Though I 
agreed on the 'phone in the end to twenty pounds for "The 
Pelican Brief" I will now declare to that sick jealous lying 
fuck that he can take his twenty quid and meet with the Devil!! 
LOL!!

Envelope-to: rwarwick@croydononline.org
Received: from [66.163.170.63] (helo=web80706.mail.yahoo.com)
 by mail.croydononline.org with smtp (Exim 3.35 #1 
(Debian))
 id 1ABN4k-0006ei-00
 for <rwarwick@croydononline.org>; Mon, 20 Oct 2003 
00:35:06 +0100
Message-ID: <20031020001109.49230.qmail@web80706.mail.yahoo.com>
Received: from [62.30.182.32] by web80706.mail.yahoo.com via 
HTTP; Sun, 19 Oct 2003 17:11:09 PDT
Date: Sun, 19 Oct 2003 17:11:09 -0700 (PDT)
From: Richard W <dravenport@yahoo.com>
Subject: First Edition Sale
To: richard.thorntonbooks@btinternet.com
Cc: dravenport@yahoo.com
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii


Dear Richard Thornton,

I am offering up the following first editions for
sale. If they all interest you relatively speaking
then please make an offer for all of them. In that
case I am  looking for 40% to 50% of the current
market value in your best opinion. Otherwise feel free
to pick out single items and we can discuss their
individual prices. If you are interested then please
email me as soon as possible replying to either this
email address or rwarwick@croydononline.org

Sorry for the long wait since I phoned you, when I
informed you that I was keen to sell more books to
you, and the reception of this email. Anyway, let me
know what you think and I would be pleased to hear
from you.

Best wishes,
Richard Warwick 



Barker, Clive, Imajica, 1991 Harper Collins 1st UK
vg/vg nothing fundamentally wrong, just showing signs
of age a bit.

Barker, Clive, Weave-World, 1987 Poseidon Press 1st
US, precedes UK edition. Fine copy. Very nice looking
book!

Evanovich, Janet, two for the dough, 1st UK Hamish
Hamilton 1996, A mint copy.

Francome, John & James MacGregor, Eavesdropper, 1st UK
Macdonald 1986. Very fine copy. Debut.

Grafton, Sue, "I" is for innocent, 1992 1st US Henry
Holt. A mint copy.

Grafton, Sue, "G" is for Gumshoe, 1990 1st UK
Macmillan. VG+/VG+ slightly buckled and a few marks on
rear of d/w

Grisham, John, The Pelican brief, 1992 Century, 1st
UK. The author's 3rd novel signed on the title page.
The book is VG+, perhaps a little buckled and the
pages are slightly browned with a slightly creased
d/w.

Ishiguro, Kazuo, The Unconsoled, 1st UK 1995 Faber &
Faber, vg+ in mint d/w, signed by author on title
page.

James, Donald, Monstrum, 1997 Century. Extremely well
received over the summer. This is a mint copy with the
price tag intact on the fromt. This is a signed copy
which so far I have yet to see anyone else offer up
for sale.

O' Connell, Carol, Mallory's Oracle, 1994 Hutchinson,
1st UK. I think the US edition was first for this
debut well-received crime novel; that the UK edition
was later remaindered for it was found that the silver
colored dustwrapper was all too easily damaged. I have
a couple of exceptional copies for sale.

Rushdie, Salman, The Satanic Verses, 1st UK Viking,
does NOT have the Canadian price at the top of the d/w
as the 1st issue should. Very fine d/w and VG+

Tolkien, The Silmarillion, 1st UK edition 1972 George
Allen & Unwin, very fine in like d/w.

Whitehead, Peter, The Risen, 1994 Hathor Publishing.
This is a mint signed copy (title page) and is
therefore a very desirable copy.

Wingfield, R. D.,  Hard Frost, 1995 Scorpion Press
ltd. edition, Number 68 of 85 copies, signed by
author, bound from the first edition sheets and with
an appreciation by Alex Keegan. Mint condition.


__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
The New Yahoo! Shopping - with improved product search
http://shopping.yahoo.com


From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Subject: **AND GUESS WHAT? IT'S TRUE. IN HELL THERE ARE NO 3RD CLASS CITIZENS. TRUST ME.**
Date: Thu Oct 23 09:25:13 2003

Message:
I have seen the *1st and 2nd and 3rd and 4th and 5th set of 
people who couldn't shut that stink fucking music down are all 
executed* effect!! LOL!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **MANY PEOPLE CLAIM THAT JENNIFER ANISTON IS THE MOST POWERFUL WOMAN IN HOLLYWOOD OR HOW TO STRIP JODIE FOSTER OF ALL OF HER MONEY AND HAVE HER "SIGN ON" ** ;)
Date: Thu Oct 23 11:08:57 2003

Message:
**INSTRUCTION MANUAL: 
(1) MURDER THE PRESIDENT IN THE FIRST DEGREE. 
(2) WAIT FOR MY LATE INSTRUCTIONS AND LAUGH WHEN I REVEAL THAT 
WE TRULY HAVE GOT HIM CRUCIFIED UPSIDE DOWN WITH HIS BOMBER 
JACKET ON AND A SIGN ABOVE HIM THAT SAYS "B.O.O.M!"
(3) FEED HER TALL STORIES ABOUT ALL OF THOSE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN 
PARADING THEMSELVES BEFORE ME, MY BANK ACCOUNT AND HOW YOU 
SHOULD ON NO ACCOUNTS ever FUCK WITH JIM MORRISON'S PROPHECIES 
ABOUT THE THOUSAND WOMEN - ESPECIALLY TODAY.
**

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **I'D SAY THAT JOSIE FOSTER IS OUR BEST MARY MAGDALENE EVER.**
Date: Thu Oct 23 14:25:25 2003

Message:
The point here is that people make their own choices. I think 
you will find that I am lethal in more ways than one when it 
comes to the delicate subject of my finances. 

On the subject of ever becoming my wife Jodie only has herself 
to blame. I invite her to become my friend but I shall never 
have physical sex with her or any other woman on Earth for that 
matter.

Please note that the "consentual sex" between Jodie and the U.S. 
President was feigned not real. I have made this permanent 
decision based entirely on the state of my finances.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **THIS MESSAGE BOARD WILL SELF DESTRUCT IN T MINUS 5 SECONDS ... ** :)
Date: Thu Oct 23 14:33:18 2003

Message:
If you are reading this now then you have probably just been in 
the close communication of Mayday Hospital and you have just 
heard about the hell raising powers of my website ... :)


From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **SHOOT THAT ASSHOLE PLEASE**
Date: Thu Oct 23 14:38:32 2003

Message:
Will someone kindly shoot that guy playing the musical 
instruments below?
This is flouting Council rules and he's been doing it for months 
and I just feel he deserves it.
Thank you.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: Marie
Date: Thu Oct 23 14:44:48 2003

Message:
From: Marie 
To: Richard Warwick 
Subject: I dont like you!!! 
Date: Wed Oct 22 17:33:54 2003 
Message:
SKUM FUCK
-------------------------------------

Think about it you ass!!! I didnt write that and you believe 
everyone who writes like me! Do I believe half what is written 
which looks like you lol.. NO! I wonder sometimes but then say 
oh F....It..
You may be deranged but it doesnt matter to me one way or the 
other!!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Well who are you then?

Here are some of my principal aliases: Secret Agent, Seth, Dead 
Dude, Helen of Troy, Luthor, Richard Warwick [my real name] 
Satan Christ, Satan, Jesus [I am] ..... and ... Merlyn! ;)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **I INTEND TO HAVE NO CHILDREN**
Date: Thu Oct 23 14:53:00 2003

Message:
For reasons of my financial condition and the fact that nobody 
is paying me for Divine Services I have decided to exit this 
life exactly how I entered it.
Now if I were you I would just get on with it and credit my 
account because it's the time principle and the fact that I 
should be a very wealthy man and I am not presently or yesterday 
or last month or we get the idea ..
Therefore I have made the decision no to provide any sperm 
samples ever. Also the implication of having any stolen and used 
for financial gain by IVF doctors on Harley Street is morally 
reprehensible. This is because the implication is that they are 
sending children to their execution if such is the case.
You people should act slightly more responsibly when it comes to 
financing the highest ascensional soul ever.
Fix it now!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **THERE WILL BE NO BLOODBATH**
Date: Thu Oct 23 15:12:12 2003

Message:
I realise that many people are frightened in the local area 
because they have heard about some recent executions at Croydon 
Council. One example are the workers at the D.H.S.S. Please rest 
assured that though I am not particularly impressed by the 
standard of service, it would not appear that they have done 
anything malicious with my money. I do however object to 
statements to the effect that I could be a fraud. You should 
think long and hard before making statements like that and you 
should also consider the possibility that I am in full 
employment. It is probably true that more people will be 
executed but I will do this judiciously. I do not therefore want 
Osama Bin Laden killing the Prime Minister or parliament right 
yet thank you. It is important that we obtain a proper 
assessment of parliament's failure to financially assist the 
presence of the new messiah in Britain before making life or 
death decisions.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **HERE IS AN EXAMPLE OF A JUDICIOUS DEATH WARRANT FOR THOSE PEOPLE STILL WORRIED**
Date: Thu Oct 23 15:21:07 2003

Message:
The Digweed trust is to the tune of a million pounds Sterling 
and it is funds made available to Jesus as an incentive for his 
return. This money was not made available to the relatives of 
the late Ernest Digweed of Portsmouth and though the idea of 
getting me accident insurance is awfully sweet I think they 
should consider getting their own. Now. I was inhibited from 
getting that money by the public trustee Mr M E Mills during the 
summer. He should perhaps have considered acting on my behalf 
because that's his job. Instead he ran contrary so I am 
executing him today. Thank you to the Police again.

There is however the little issue of whether those funds are 
still available today and who could have been responsible for 
withdrawing them .... ;)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **HI JULIAN ELLIOTT. I TRIED PHONING YOU A MINUTE AGO BUT YOU WEREN'T HOME ... *
Date: Thu Oct 23 15:37:50 2003

Message:
Hello Caroline too. How are you?
Why aren't you at the Mission? :))
I mean by the American Mission.
Wherever that is ... ;)

What are you doing operating my personal bugging equipment 
now? :)

Anyway, here's the deal.

THE DEAL OR A BUGGING EQUIPMENT ASSISTED, INTERNET DRIVEN AND 
ALSO VERBAL AGREEMENT ALL ROLLED TOGETHER WITH A TEN MILLION 
POUND CONTRACT TO SELL MY STORY TO THE HERALD TRIBUNE WHICH WAS 
PERFORMED ABOUT TEN MINUTES AGO.
 
"Are you interested in obtaining half a million pounds from 
the "magically reappearing" Ernest Digweed funds?"

"Yes I am" said Julian "that could sort out the Sleazy Jet 
airplane ticket refund all in one go!"

"Oh Good. Try 2000 pounds Sterling into my [Solo] bank account 
tomorrow for the high court order and I'll see what I can do."

"Done!" said Julian.


From: Marie
To: om/cf
Date: Thu Oct 23 18:39:51 2003

Message:
From: om/cf 
To: Marie 
Date: Thu Oct 23 00:03:30 2003 
Message:
I am so glad to see that Jeb Bush, took matters into his own 
hands and made the State of Florida put that feeding tube back 
into that woman.
___________________________________________________

I agree. It's up to the 'collective family' as I see it, not 
just the husband. His legal team has made an effort to bar her 
family from a hospice she has been moved to last I heard. It's 
an ugly matter.

Sure seems the husband wants a death certificate real bad, 
insurance payolla maybe?
----------------------------------------

I was thinking the same thing! Insurance collecting asswipe of 
a husband. If he want's to move on, then why not just divorce 
her? Her family apears to me to be more than willing and 
capable of handling thier daughter than he is! I think parents 
should have more of a say so in whatever happens to thier 
daughter/son if a life threatening situation occurs. 
The "Spouse" just because they are married should not have all 
the say so, he didnt give birth to her!!!!! Why is it that when 
something drastic occurs to a person, they notify even the "Ex" 
Husband/Wife first, before anyone else? I would think the 
people who made her in the first place deserve and have a right 
to have a say so in her well being! And by the photographs I 
have seen, she is clearly awake, and visibly happy to see her 
mom at least when she visits her. She clearly has a smile on 
her face! I have seen NO pictures of the husband at all, let 
alone visiting her! She doesnt appear to be a vegetable to me, 
she responds, trys to talk to her mom, and is genuinely happy 
to see her. Vegitative state to me seems like they have NO 
brain activity, cannot exist without all forms of life 
preserving equipment, and no brain activity at all! Now that 
would be different. But coherant, awake, responding, seems to 
me like if you were to deny her food and water, it would be 
murder. I am glad Jeb Bush stepped in. And I hope no permenent 
damage has been done. 

From: Marie
To: Dead Dude
Subject: Like I didnt know that!!!
Date: Thu Oct 23 19:09:20 2003

Message:
From: HELEN OF TROY 
To: Marie 
Date: Thu Oct 23 14:44:48 2003 
Message:
From: Marie 
To: Richard Warwick 
Subject: I dont like you!!! 
Date: Wed Oct 22 17:33:54 2003 
Message:
SKUM FUCK
-------------------------------------

Think about it you ass!!! I didnt write that and you believe 
everyone who writes like me! Do I believe half what is written 
which looks like you lol.. NO! I wonder sometimes but then say 
oh F....It..
You may be deranged but it doesnt matter to me one way or the 
other!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------
-
Well who are you then?

Here are some of my principal aliases: Secret Agent, Seth, Dead 
Dude, Helen of Troy, Luthor, Richard Warwick [my real name] 
Satan Christ, Satan, Jesus [I am] ..... and ... Merlyn! ;)

---------------------------------------------

I am Marie freak!!!
And am I supposed to be impressed with the fact that You are 
mental? I already knew you were! I dont give a rats ass how 
much you ramble on! If you want to make this your life so be it!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: Marie
Date: Thu Oct 23 19:37:57 2003

Message:
I am Marie freak!!!
And am I supposed to be impressed with the fact that You are 
mental? I already knew you were! I dont give a rats ass how 
much you ramble on! If you want to make this your life so be it!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I'd say in response that you are being investigated for criminal 
behaviour by the F.B.I. Look around for them.

Gets 'em every time. ;)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **OSAMA BIN LADEN**
Date: Thu Oct 23 19:43:19 2003

Message:
"You await my instructions?"
Here they are.
I want you to take out Blair.
Have a nice evening. :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **OSAMA BIN LADEN**
Date: Thu Oct 23 20:18:00 2003

Message:
P.S. Blair's in the vicinity in his car with the amplifying 
equipment right now.
But will he come back again?

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Thu Oct 23 20:20:18 2003

Message:
I have seen *The Last Flight of the Concorde* effect!! Or take 
your blueprints and shove 'em. LOL!!

From: Marie
To: Dead Dude
Subject: HaHa Oh Really???
Date: Thu Oct 23 20:49:29 2003

Message:
From: HELEN OF TROY 
To: Marie 
Date: Thu Oct 23 19:37:57 2003 
Message:
I am Marie freak!!!
And am I supposed to be impressed with the fact that You are 
mental? I already knew you were! I dont give a rats ass how 
much you ramble on! If you want to make this your life so be it!
----------------------------------------------------------------
-
I'd say in response that you are being investigated for 
criminal 
behaviour by the F.B.I. Look around for them.

Gets 'em every time. ;)


--------------------------------------------

Well goodie!!! 
I suspect everyone that post's on this website are being 
watched and scrutinized by the F.B.I. I will make sure I look 
around for black helocopters, and odd looking cars though :)
And just leave Tony Blair alone would ya? I mean you already 
made his heart go pitter patter!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: Marie
Date: Thu Oct 23 21:18:02 2003

Message:
Tony Blair is dead. I just had him shot. 
Quoting:
"Here's your tarot card - Death."

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Thu Oct 23 21:19:41 2003

Message:
I have seen the *and now we are going to shoot Merlyn* effect!!

From: Marie
To: Dead Dude/Helen Of Troy/SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
Date: Thu Oct 23 21:35:49 2003

Message:
You did not shoot Tony Blair dufuss!! And what on earth does 
Merlyn have to do with this?

From: Marie
To: Marie
Date: Thu Oct 23 21:58:24 2003

Message:
Why are you so worried about Merlyn?
Kinda like sucking your own cock, isn't it?

From: Marie
To: Retard Of Troy
Date: Thu Oct 23 21:50:25 2003

Message:
All that dumb crap you write is so fuckin queer, your on this 
site constantly, you are 1 sorry ass mother-fucker, 
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU BITCH


   RICHARD WARWICK IS A LOSER!!!!!!

From: Helen Of Troy
To: Merlyn
Subject: I FEEL SEXUAL TONIGHT**
Date: Thu Oct 23 22:00:29 2003

Message:
No its like you sucking my big strong bald throbbing purple 
headed meat monster, OH YA, cum and get some  ;)  **  yes I am 
Satan :)

From: Big City
To: Marie the Hick with a face like a dick.
Date: Thu Oct 23 22:00:20 2003

Message:
She doesnt appear to be a vegetable to me, 
she responds, trys to talk to her mom, and is genuinely happy 
to see her.


I,I,I,eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrdd
ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Is THAT normal talk to you?
From the infuckingbred place you're from, everyone acts like 
that, so you're unable to tell the difference.

From: Marie
To: Big City Fag
Date: Thu Oct 23 22:05:55 2003

Message:
I will spread my butt cheeks for her mom right in front of her.

From: Big City
To: Marie the Hick with a face like a dick.
Date: Thu Oct 23 22:05:19 2003

Message:
All that dumb crap you write is so fuckin queer, your on this 
site constantly, you are 1 sorry ass mother-fucker, 
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU BITCH



No, YOU are 1 sorry ass mother-fucker, Marie!
Nearly every single one of your posts is moronic, with you 
spouting off information that is incorrect, coming off as a 
psychopathic dyslexic dipshit, with an attention deficit 
disorder.

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To: Marie
Subject: I am right behind you Big City!!!!!! EFFECT!!!!!!!!****
Date: Thu Oct 23 22:08:05 2003

Message:
I agree with Big City

 Get em Big City

 You are so logical in your thinking!! 

From: Richard Warwick
To: Big City
Subject: I BEG OF YOU ??? ;)
Date: Thu Oct 23 22:13:16 2003

Message:
Big City needs to fuck my ass!

 Its warm and pleasing ;)

From: Big City
To: Richard Warmwick
Subject: your butt ??
Date: Thu Oct 23 22:16:35 2003

Message:
how does it smell ?

From: Richard Warwick
To: Big City
Subject: ?????????
Date: Thu Oct 23 22:23:45 2003

Message:
It smells like penis sex, and cum, why?

From: om/cf
To: Marie
Date: Thu Oct 23 22:39:13 2003

Message:
I'll be willing to bet that if you pulled the plugs on that 
woman, she'd be the best fuck you could ever ask for, what with 
all that thrashin around and everything...you know it?

From: concerned
To: helen of troy - is really a boy
Subject: fingernails maketh the man
Date: Fri Oct 24 03:53:14 2003

Message:
I just hope you wash your fists after having had them up Elton 
john's arse!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **BILL PAYMENTS**
Date: Fri Oct 24 05:09:56 2003

Message:
Mary, one million to be credited to my A/C today or else "in 
this moral drama" we're going without you. Don't make the same 
mistake you keep making over and over because this is the last 
address if you fail yourself again.

Julian, two thousand pounds today would be very much 
appreciated. Thank you.

Dear Herald Tribune, I am looking forward to this but require 
the cheque within two days discluding this one. In the 
eventuality that a cheque is not received then the sale will 
automatically be passed to the Chicago Tribune for five million.

Ladies & Gentlemen, Goodnight!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **LAST MINUTE INSTRUCTIONS**
Date: Fri Oct 24 08:41:09 2003

Message:
May Allah be with you! :)
You will be missed but hell for 72 virgins - I'm game! LOL!!
Your alternative or secondary military target for the day is the 
Defence department building or similiar.
Make sure you kill the rich bastards too.
Please leave out MI6 because they're guarding me (from you:) and 
one of them has a couple of colleagues there who owe him money 
still.
Thank you.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: **Osama Bin Laden**
Subject: **MI6 ON MY LEFT, WHITEHALL ON MY RIGHT!!** :))
Date: Fri Oct 24 13:15:38 2003

Message:
May Allah be with you! :)
You will be missed but hell for 72 virgins - I'm game! LOL!!
Your alternative or secondary military target for the day is the 
Defence department building or similiar.
Make sure you kill the rich bastards too.
Please leave out MI6 because they're guarding me (from you:) and 
one of them has a couple of colleagues there who owe him money 
still.
Thank you.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I realise that it was on too short a notice.
Anyway, for now I have decided that we should keep parliament 
alive.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **DO YOU FEEL SUICIDAL BECAUSE GIVE ME A FEW AND THAT WILL BE THE RESULT**
Date: Fri Oct 24 13:20:06 2003

Message:
Excuse me but if you can't get that music to stop then the 
spiritual effects can be literally lethal to those responsible 
for stopping this sound.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: **THE NEW YORK TRIBUNE EDITORS**
Subject: **WORLD'S FIRST EXCLUSIVE**
Date: Fri Oct 24 19:20:04 2003

Message:
Thank you for your time. I appreciated the conversation and 
especially our considerations about the future. I look forward 
to receiving the advance.

From:
To:
Subject: LOVE
Date: Sun Sep 30 17:26:34 2001

Message:
To all christian The Bible say to pray for our enemys we will 
hear of war and rumors of war but fear not for thhese thing 
must come to past. What we must do is pray for these people 
that they find jesus before it's to late. 9/11 was just a wake 
up call for christians and nochristian. The book of Daniel and 
the book of revalations tell us whats going to happen and what 
we should do' time is drawing near and we must be ready.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **WHAT'S ONE JEDI KNIGHT LESS IN THE WORLD OR XANADU IF YOU'RE PRINCESS LEIA** :)
Date: Fri Oct 24 19:23:59 2003

Message:
You did not shoot Tony Blair dufuss!! And what on earth does 
Merlyn have to do with this?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
My mistake - I had shot Liam Neeson. [Then his dad or someone.]
I do however feel that Jodie Foster's obsession with playing 
Princess Leia was beginning to get out of hand ..

From: Butt Cheeks
To: Richard Warwick
Date: Fri Oct 24 19:57:08 2003

Message:
Last night i put on my addidas and i ran real fast, then i met a 
guy and he smacked my faggot ass.

From: om/cf
To: THE END TIME IS NEAR!!!
Date: Fri Oct 24 19:50:45 2003

Message:
The book of Daniel and 
the book of revalations tell us whats going to happen and what 
we should do' time is drawing near and we must be ready.
_____________________________________________________

I'm not altogether sure what those books suggest, but I'm 
stocking up on JACK Daniels...amoung other things.

From: A child of GOD
To: unknowledgeable
Subject: life
Date: Fri Oct 24 19:37:24 2003

Message:
For all the people who fight aganst war you are young and have 
no idea what war brought a lot of nations out of and for those 
who know why are you sitting on all that knowledge pretending 
that you don't know whats going on share what you have . Let 
the young people know old as the old who have forgotten that it 
took war to free a nation from slavery ,and another from having 
to kill their baby girls because they were not boy babies, and 
another nation so that the women did't have to get their 
genatials cut off for religious perposese. I am glad these 
things are no more. 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Fri Oct 24 20:19:48 2003

Message:
Don't forget to kill the security of 1:20 a.m. Oct 25 03.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Fri Oct 24 20:29:27 2003

Message:
I want security out of here for the rest of the night and day - 
in fact just fuck off forever!!
You can't do the simplest thing for me like shut down some music 
which is obviously annoying me so get lost!!
E.O.C.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **SECURITY THREATENING YOU WITH DEATH AGAIN?** :)
Date: Fri Oct 24 20:44:00 2003

Message:
Some critical issues of security will be examined and reexamined 
at a later date. In the meantime I have a car periodically 
circling the block. I am keen to see where things worked and 
where they did not and the reasons why.

From: om/cf
To: HELEN OF TROY
Date: Fri Oct 24 21:32:28 2003

Message:
Neighbors cranking music at 2 am should be made to see the error 
of their ways. Kill them immediatly.

From: Son of Sams' Irritating Barking Dog
To: HELEN OF TROY
Date: Fri Oct 24 21:36:58 2003

Message:
WOOF  WOOF  GROWL  WOOF WOOF W O O F  WOOF  WOO WOOO WOOO  W O O 
O O F!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: BIG CITY
Subject: I WANT YOU TO BE MINE TONIGHT
Date: Fri Oct 24 23:05:01 2003

Message:
I know it's late and all, but I have this thing for you. I want 
you. I need you. I dont want to let you go.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE TOAST?**
Date: Sat Oct 25 04:11:50 2003

Message:
From: HELEN OF TROY 
To: **THE NEW YORK TRIBUNE EDITORS** 
Subject: **WORLD'S FIRST EXCLUSIVE** 
Date: Fri Oct 24 19:20:04 2003 
Message:
Thank you for your time. I appreciated the conversation and 
especially our considerations about the future. I look forward 
to receiving the advance.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I am very sorry but you did not stick to your side of the 
bargain which was to offer me an advance of one million pounds 
BY this morning. It is now 9:13 AM. I am therefore selling a 
first section of "my story" to another set of bidders - 
though "The Herald Tribune" and "The Chicago Tribune" should 
feel free to make offers. Otherwise I'll just write it all up on 
a website and you won't sell papers. You should all in my 
opinion stop playing blind man's buff with my finances because 
the day of reckoning in court is none too far away in the 
distance ... 

From:
To:
Date: Sat Oct 25 04:16:12 2003

Message:
******NEW MOON TODAY - BUST UP WITH ILLNESS - DAY 3******

From:
To: A child of Rod (Stewart?)
Date: Sat Oct 25 13:53:11 2003

Message:
From: A child of GOD 
To: unknowledgeable 
Subject: life 
Date: Fri Oct 24 19:37:24 2003 
Message:
For all the people who fight aganst war you are young and have 
no idea what war brought a lot of nations out of and for those 
who know why are you sitting on all that knowledge pretending 
that you don't know whats going on share what you have . Let 
the young people know old as the old who have forgotten that it 
took war to free a nation from slavery ,and another from having 
to kill their baby girls because they were not boy babies, and 
another nation so that the women did't have to get their 
genatials cut off for religious perposese. I am glad these 
things are no more.----------------------------------------------

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! Very funny post! 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Sat Oct 25 15:34:52 2003

Message:
Can know where is available copies of Chemico Biological 
Interactions off Gavin Esler.
He confirms the television transmitter ability that I have and 
the corresponding effect on live TV camera views.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Sat Oct 25 15:37:00 2003

Message:
He has also got genealogy charts that I could be interested in.

From: Facts Finder
To: Om/Cf, Marie and all
Subject: Should American withdraw from Iraq
Date: Sat Oct 25 20:24:28 2003

Message:
I feel we should let the people of Iraq and the Arab world 
decide. Americans can stay on the side lines with it Allies. Let 
the Arab nation help rebuilt Iraq. I am surprised with the 
little amount of money these Arab and muslims world (is 
sponsoring for the rebuilding).

Have a UN team to handle all money pouring into Iraq. Hold those 
responsible of blowing up infrastructure for the rebuilding of 
Iraq like oil tank, bridges and etc. So that when these things 
happen people around the world will know who is responsible for 
obstructing the rebuilding if Iraq. Monitor the movement of the 
Arab nations sponsoring terrorists from outside. Pressure their 
goverment to work fighting these radical muslims

American has done enough. Now is for them to go back and protect 
themselves and work with world leaders to fight terrorism in 
smaller scale than a war. These terrorists guerilla war. So let 
each individual country use their own inteligence with the 
cooperation of US to fight them. America alone cannot fight them 
all.

If US were to stay in Iraq, they have to put up a very strong 
law on weapon or else they would be fighting the same war as the 
middleast.

Leave the muslims world to realize what can be done in a 
peaceful ways. Part of Malaysia premier outgoing speech are 
useful but the main heading was wrong In treating Jews as their 
enemy. How can the Jews fight the muslims. It is the muslims 
that do not want the Jews to be around.

Anyway it is Sunday and I going to church to pray for all at war 
Yes, muslims included, which our priest and leaders always ask 
us to pray for. God Bless you all.

From: Earl E. Byrd
To:
Date: Sun Oct 26 01:09:37 2003

Message:
This message board/blog wannabe consists predominantly of two 
types of posts. The first is the long-winded post. This is the 
post that either serves as narrow minded propaganda, or as spam. 
The second type is the brief post. This is the "to-the-point" 
type of post (assuming that the poster HAS a point).
  Unfortunately, these posts all too often contain such 
witticisms as "you are a pole smoker", or "fuck you pussy". What 
appeared at first to be a worthwhile message board has morphed 
into a political equivalent of the Lilith Fair. God Help us all.   
                            

From: .44
To: Richard Warwick
Date: Sun Oct 26 02:34:07 2003

Message:
I'd kick your ass, but there's no glory in easy targets. Bitch.    
                       
            

From: Richard Warwick
To: (.66 - .22 * .11) - .0044/10,000
Subject: *HI THERE YOU LITTLE SHITASS. BEEN TURNING TRICKS??*
Date: Sun Oct 26 03:24:59 2003

Message:
I'd kick your ass, but there's no glory in easy targets. Bitch.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
It's either Tourette's or Creutzfeldt Jakob disease in my 
opinion. What's yours?

From: Richard Warwick
To: **BLAME THE TORIES**
Subject: **I don't want to induce panic or anything but .. ** :)
Date: Sun Oct 26 03:31:20 2003

Message:
Just guess what has come back to haunt you all?

Former Conservative Government agricultural policies.

According to current best estimates there is up to a 60% rate of 
C.J.D. amongst the non-vegetarian human populace in some parts 
of the country and around 50% overall. 

I guess you better pray Jesus might want to help you.

Problem is you've kept him out of cash funds and have denied him 
i.e. me, out of appropriate material resources all year long. 
This was your idea of FUN well just chew on the hard facts and 
look what you done! HA!!

Many of you might as well just get ready to die ....

The question is: who ya gonna leave your money too?
Well who, punk?

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sun Oct 26 03:42:31 2003

Message:
I have seen the *I am the sad stingy fuck at the golf club and 
with the B.M.W. who has seen the zero Vs. 1000 girls and I got 
C.J.D.* effect!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **DE'ATH BECOMES HER**
Date: Sun Oct 26 03:50:22 2003

Message:
I predict a 40% mortality rate. :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **INSTEAD OF LOOKING AROUND FOR SCRAPS ALL YEAR LONG I WOULD HAVE SPENT A GOOD FOUR MONTHS STUDYING MEDICINE - IT IS NOW TOO LATE TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY.**
Date: Sun Oct 26 03:51:57 2003

Message:
:)
Well?

This is a *lunation* I have done for you. I have also done a 
mobile out of bits of wire and thread. I hope you enjoy them. 
Love, Helen
XOXOXOXOXO

(((:))) (((:)) (((:) (((: ((: (: : :) :)) :))) (:))) ((:))) ...

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sun Oct 26 04:05:35 2003

Message:
I have seen the *poisoned letter* effect!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **SO WHO DO WE VOTE FOR NOW?**
Date: Sun Oct 26 04:06:31 2003

Message:
http://www.statistics.gov.uk/census2001/default.asp

Today's link for the disinterested & bored.

The population of England [we are not going to consider the 
entire United Kingdom here] is according to the census 49138831 
or about forty nine million.

According to this link:

http://www.timeout.com/hsbc/london/vegetarian.php

about 5% of the population class themselves as vegetarian or 
avoiding red meat. Because of the numbers of British residents 
who do not eat beef due to their religion is an appreciable 
number, we shall add 3% to the 5% to obtain the figure of 8% of 
the population as representing the group who "are not 
susceptible to C.J.D."

If we take the figure 49138831 and divide by one hundred we 
obtain one percent of the population.
It therefore follows that if we take the figure 491388.31 and 
multiply by eight and subtract that figure from the 100% figure 
of 49138831 we have approximately calculated the group who "are 
susceptible to C.J.D."

In fact we obtain the figure 45207725.

Now, because of the density of population in the South East we 
shall have the overall rate of C.J.D. incidence at 52% 
approximately.

52% of 45207725 is simply calculated as 23508017 or about twenty 
three million people in England and that is the rate of 
incidence amongst the ongoing sample studies.

I suppose that if "De'ath truly does become Helen" and the 
mortality rate is 40% then about 9403207 or approximately nine 
and a half million people in England alone will succumb to this 
disease by the end of 2004.

N.B. The rate of incidence would be higher in the North simply 
because there are proportionally less vegetarians in the ratio 
100:83 approximately.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **GET READY FOR AN EPIDEMIC ON A SCALE HITHERTO COMPLETELY UNIMAGINABLE**
Date: Sun Oct 26 13:01:16 2003

Message:
I am now in a bugfree environment. J. has got the feed.
Mortician blues? I've made it my hobby!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **Reconfirmation of the figures of CJD incidence.**
Date: Sun Oct 26 14:21:57 2003

Message:
Thank you for the important reconfirmation of the figures of CJD 
incidence. It is in my opinion (and has been requested) that 
unless there is something of similiar importance to report then 
to refrain for now i.e. such being the case right now. 
Alternatively, if there is information I feel I need then I 
could try posting here for example - I'll work out something 
better later on.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Sun Oct 26 15:05:27 2003

Message:
Sorry Lucina - got forbidden. Thx anyways.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Sun Oct 26 15:06:35 2003

Message:
Mortician blues - Hmmm. Wiltshire?

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: *At 72, I am now in a bugfree environment. No I am not
Date: Sun Oct 26 15:07:29 2003

Message:
*At 72, I am now in a bugfree environment. No I am not!* :)

Periodical checking is occurring. Plz cease (until) further 
notice. I have been advised to post this up to obtain the ideal 
conditions. The point is that I am now back to a state of mind 
that cannot produce a risk to my person.

J.'s setup: periodical checking plz - say once per 2 hours 
during sleep (try losing the image completely plz and amplify 
the sound of breathing recorded for 30 secs a time.) Plz lose 
image and sound completely during the stuff on C4 shortly. I am 
absolutely satisfied that her medical condition is confined 
mostly to her eyes and that they are no longer getting 
progressively worse but have stabilised. Also, I am completely 
satisfied that the rest of her mental and physical states do not 
place her at risk after having assessed at length.

Thank you.

From: Walter
To: om/cf
Subject: I'm Back !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: Sun Oct 26 18:00:54 2003

Message:
WHEN WILL IT CHOKE THE LIFE OUT OF THE FAGGOT USGAYA, WHEN OM/CF?
 TALK AT ME GIRLFRIEND, HOWIT BE HANGIN? HAY HELEN FUCK YOUR 
SELF :) OF TROY THAT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

From: Marie
To: Walter
Subject: OH!!! THANK GOD
Date: Sun Oct 26 18:09:28 2003

Message:
Welcome back WALTER, thank god, now maybe you will shut these 
fuckers up, like you know how!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LoL!

From: your slave
To: Helen of Troy
Subject: have mercy on me ?
Date: Sun Oct 26 20:09:45 2003

Message:
God bless you :)

From: .44
To: Richard Warwick
Date: Sun Oct 26 23:03:46 2003

Message:
Thanks for proving my point. You make it SOOOOOO easy!  :)       
                    

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **Clarification in reply to Q.**
Date: Mon Oct 27 05:04:16 2003

Message:
If you are provided with services then you must pay for them 
given that a deal has been struck beforehand. for legal 
purposes, it does not particularly matter how such a deal has 
been struck as long as both parties are agreed. Written 
contracts are better than say witnessed verbal agreements to 
this effect. Furthermore, if a time limit for payment has been 
settled and this is not adhered to then the deal will fall 
through. However, in the case that the service(s) (a) has 
already been provided (b) has been provided in part, then the 
payments are legally binding whether they are actively pursued 
or not.

From: Walter
To: ALL
Subject: Lets get it on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: Mon Oct 27 12:05:45 2003

Message:
I said I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From:
To:
Date: Mon Oct 27 13:38:53 2003

Message:
You'e not Walter. And we all know it.

From: Richard Warwick
To: **CHANNEL 4 NEWS TEAM**
Subject: **HERE ARE MY DETAILS**
Date: Mon Oct 27 16:09:23 2003

Message:
Email:

rwarwick@croydononline.org  (preferred)

dravenport@yahoo.com

richard.warwick@blueyonder.co.uk

Tel: 020 8239 7552  (though mostly online so email 1st)

Address: 72, Mayday Road 
Thornton Heath
CR7 7HL
Surrey
U.K.

From: Walter
To: Unkown slimy maggot
Subject: Was up !!!!!!!!!!!!! LoL
Date: Mon Oct 27 17:02:40 2003

Message:
yes i am Walter, fart face

From: Richard Warwick
To: Jodie Foster
Subject: **WHAT I SAY OR SUGGEST IS CLEARLY WORTHLESS JUNK**
Date: Mon Oct 27 16:46:42 2003

Message:
I am sorry things didn't work out. The problem is that I need 
money and I have made huge efforts to make some but no matter 
which way I turn it never happens. It is a living nightmare 
(that has been going on most severely for a year) in which you 
do not figure. You seem to believe that I should earn money and 
in the meantime that I should not have any (and be in debt). 
This sounds like you wish to put your beliefs in front of my 
authority and I will not accept that ever. I offered you 
solutions but you did not want to heed me. It would seem to me 
that you figure you know best and cannot persuade yourself that 
I may be right and that you may be wrong and to act thereupon. 
And that - in my opinion - is why the situation is currently as 
it is. You are pertinently one amongst others who put the world 
on hold.

From: Richard Warwick
To: Jodie Foster
Date: Mon Oct 27 17:40:12 2003

Message:
Some of that wording is not too great. Sorry. Hell, I don't care 
who reads this I just want to say that if you consider the 
complete inability for people e.g. from the media, to contact me 
by telephone or email to be "en par" with the inability to 
obtain finances then you would have better understanding of the 
nature of the phenomenon that is affecting me and others around 
me so profoundly. You can see it as a spiritual disturbance. You 
can also see it as the inability for people to act. You are 
supposed to know how to act. You get given a script and you are 
supposed to adhere to that by and large. Well I am informing you 
of what the nature of the script is and I am suggesting that you 
cast all your own opinions about its quality and learn to act 
the lines. 

From: Richard Warwick
To: Jodie Foster
Subject: **HERE'S THE SCRIPT. I THINK IT SUCKS TOO.**
Date: Mon Oct 27 18:05:39 2003

Message:
HOW TO OBTAIN MONEY FROM RICH HOLLYWOOD ACTRESSES

Opening scene: Jodie, a hollywood actress, gets out of her car 
in the nasty little car park and confidently walks over to 
number 72 Mayday Road and deposits into the letterbox a cheque 
for 2 million pounds (cashable in any London Suburb and you 
could probably try your luck in town too.) Dress? irrelevant.

From: Richard Warwick
To: Jodie Foster
Subject: **THIS IS AN UPSIDE DOWN ARROW. I DID IT FOR YOU JODIE.**
Date: Mon Oct 27 18:10:05 2003

Message:
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

From: om/cf
To:
Subject: Iraq/Ram-a-lama-ding-dong
Date: Mon Oct 27 19:40:43 2003

Message:
Well, well, well...We see the "religion of pieces" getting 
Ramabomb off to an explosive start, as usual. And to think we 
hemed and hawed a few short years back whether or not to drop 
bombs on these maggots. When in doubt, whip it out, and kill 
every fucking one of the cockroaches. I think that's now 
official military policy; if not, it should be.

Let's see, the Zombies bomb the Red Cross...THE FUCKING R E D  C 
R O S S!! With a Red Cross ambulance no less - Palestinian style 
points awarded by Arafish. Then they target police stations in a 
feeble attempt to further the lawlessness in Iraq. I say feeble 
because the zombies done fucked up and a couple of their car 
bombs didn't get to go BOOM and low and behold, at least one 
Syrian was taken into custody, well, after he was properly 
ventilated.

All in all, a good job was done by U.S. forces and the Iraqi 
police in these attacks and more importantly, before the 
attacks. None of the vehicles got as close to the buildings as 
the Zombies had wished and no doubt prayed to Allah for and the 
casualty numbers where lower than they could have been - so 
Allah kinda fucked 'em, heheheheeee.

Sorry Facts Finder but I cannot agree on turning Iraq over to 
the pissy pants U.N. Not in the middle of a WAR. Obviously these 
attacks are directly aimed at stopping progress in Iraq and in 
fact were aimed more at Iraqis than at coalition forces. The 
enemy has made it clear they will stop at nothing (including 
killing Iraqi civilians purposly) to make sure the coalition 
fails in its mission. This is unacceptable and would do nothing 
but bolster the confidence of terrorist organizations worldwide. 

I think Baby Assad in Syria is about to get his ass spanked 
BIGTIME real soon. He is harboring terrorists and giving the 
clear passage into Iraq while ordering (IDF intercepted 
communications) the Hezbollah to fire missles into Israeli 
settlements in Golan. The dumbfuck is pinched and he should know 
damn well his Arab brethren ain't gonna help out Syria when the 
shit hits the fan. First one to Damascas wins!!

From: Facts Finder
To: Om/Cf
Date: Mon Oct 27 20:39:46 2003

Message:
Yes I do agree with you on some points, What I meant was why 
waste our time, people and money, when their own is not helping 
much.

Yes these people are killing their own kind(is that Jihad), just 
to disrupt the rebuilding. Aren't they selfish. Why can't they 
see that bad side of Saddam and his sons and give Iraq a chance 
to rebuild itself.

Was saw on TV last about the interesting place in Egpht. It is 
so nice. They are also muslims, the women are not cover up, 
there are lots of night life and resort.

Religion is all inside us. It is our own individual behaviour 
and the love of God that teaches us to love other and treat 
every human as God creation. Enjoy what God has given us through 
science and technology but always remember his teaching.

God bless

From: ARNOLD
To:
Subject: EVIL of Islam
Date: Mon Oct 27 21:41:22 2003

Message:
I don't have time to shove my ranch boots up sore faggot muzzie 
asses for now.
But I would like to share this website with the free thinking 
world to see the Evil of Islam.

http://www.ourenemies.org/World.htm

From: ARNOLD
To:
Subject: Evil of Islam
Date: Mon Oct 27 21:45:49 2003

Message:
http://www.ourenemies.org/World.htm
http://www.ourenemies.org/World.htm
http://www.ourenemies.org/World.htm

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Tue Oct 28 09:07:20 2003

Message:
Warning!! I am going to (probably) join the British Police Force 
shortly in the capacity of "detective."

You heard it here first ...

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **Evil of Islam**
Date: Tue Oct 28 10:05:15 2003

Message:
I don't have time to shove my ranch boots up sore faggot muzzie 
asses for now.
But I would like to share this website with the free thinking 
world to see the Evil of Islam.

http://www.ourenemies.org/World.htm
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Tell us about your latest film Arnie ... :)
[For the uninitiated the poster really is Arnold Schwarzenegger.]

* ... THE ENTIRE STATE OF CALIFORNIA WENT AWAY ... *

Islam is not intrinsically evil in my opinion. Should one 
conclude that "algebra" is evil? The accusation is irrelevant ..

From: Chrystal_kirk@yahoo.com
To: GreyLordSkull@aol.com
Subject: read this
Date: Mon Jun 16 13:07:55 2003

Message:
I am mad at u because u lied to me.

From: Hiram Walker
To: Helen of Troy
Date: Tue Oct 28 11:33:45 2003

Message:
suck me richard of troy ? you like it and i know it.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **NATIONAL D.N.A. DATABASE OR HOW I RULE THE WORLD.** :)
Date: Tue Oct 28 10:34:59 2003

Message:
Provided we can ENSURE that the D.N.A. collations are not used 
for misproprietry purposes then I tentatively give the software 
and similiar the go ahead - though bear in mind the original 
statement.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **MORE POLITICAL MANIFESTO OR YOU GOT 24 HOURS**
Date: Tue Oct 28 17:40:03 2003

Message:
Why hello there Boys & Girls! :)
How are we tonight?
Good! :)
I've decided on a new move which I think you will find is 
extremely popular with the general populace.
Wanna hear what it is?

...... Ok. I am going to tell you anyways:

If you work in any of the following institutions then pay 
attention because you might wind up dead.

It goes like this.

(a) Did you personally or in collusion with others (more likely) 
wilfully messed with my finances?

(b) Did you stand by and you consider that you were in a 
position where you could have made a real difference to the 
actions of the people that form (a)?

(c) Did you find yourself aware of the state of my finances but 
for your own miserly selfish reasons decided not to provide me 
with any?

(d) Do you earn in excess of 27000 pounds Sterling/Annum?

(e) Do you work for any of the following?

(1) D.H.S.S.
(2) Croydon Council
(3) Government Politicians & Whitehall
(4) MI5/MI6
(5) B.B.C.
(6) Inland Revenue

NB I am not including the Metropolitan Police because they are 
the ones who will carry out the executions.

You do to (a) and/or (b) and/or (c) and (d) and (e)?

Then we might well be executing you. :)

Please note however that I will be judicious and there will be 
no mass executions.

However, here's your ticket out of it:
That's right, my bank details again ...

Halifax Cardcash SOLO (0.25% interest rate :)
Mr. R. J. Warwick
Sort Code: 110219
A/C # 00583674

You can stick 33.33% of your annual salary in there.

Just a little hitch though. :)
It seems there must be a cut off point somewhere ....
Exactly how much can you stick in a Halifax Cardcash SOLO 
account?

Since you like playing games I declare "Game on!" 
11 P.M. October 28 2003


From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Tue Oct 28 18:05:48 2003

Message:
By the way I am now attempting to recruit myself into the Police 
Force in a detective role. I'm filling in the forms right now. I 
have some definite ideas about what I want to do but just guess 
what is my new hobby?

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **MI5 and MI6 Chiefs**
Date: Tue Oct 28 18:09:40 2003

Message:
You are in disgrace and you are both fired.
Will someone be kind enough to leave their affairs at reception 
for collection tomorrow morning?
Thank you.


From: Marie
To: Facts Finder
Date: Tue Oct 28 17:47:32 2003

Message:
You probably already know about the last 5 or so posts werent 
me with my name on them!
Anyway,
I must disagree also with giving control of anything in Iraq to 
anyone else except the Iraqi's when all is said and done!
But you have to remember, the Iraqi's of today have to be 
trained to take over thier own country, because they only knew 
Saddam, and the older ones are dead and buried in the mass 
graves. And I swear to God, if there was ever a time to use 
that 21,000 lbs bomb that we never got to use, I would drop 
that son of a bitch right in that Suni-Triangle area where the 
terrorists are comming from, if we wouldnt catch hell from the 
rest of the Country and World now for that matter! Fuck winning 
the hearts and minds of the Iraqi's for the moment, let's seal 
off the borders, SATURATE the Country with Soldiers (A quick 
drop in and out-with thee exception of the regular troops) and 
dissarm every mother fucker we find! Go through the fucking 
tunnels and blow them to kingdom come, and bomb the ever loving 
shit out of Syria!!!! I think that's what Rumsfield meant when 
he said "We werent dealing enough devestating blows" at the 
moment to stop this shit! There was a time when everyone was 
afraid to attack the USSR, or the US, because they knew what 
was going to happen. Well we have reached that point again. 
Just without the USSR part. We are being to god damn soft, and 
since we have taken over that hellhole sure we are rebuilding, 
and the kids, and the infastructure, and pipelines, and all 
that shit, and no I dont want to harm what we have already 
fixed up, but I am PISSED!!!!!
If we wanted every terrorist organization there ever was, there 
in Iraq, WE GOT THEM!!! NOW would be a good time to take them 
out, do our thing, or however the Military puts it. I have no 
clue what the actual plan is, maybe they (Our Government) knew 
this was going to happen, and we havent yet seen the worst that 
WE can do yet! But they are gathering fast and furious, and 
stepping up thier attacks on us, and innocent Iraqi's. But we 
need to scare the absolute shit out of those who are taking pot 
shot's, and planting remote control bombs, and mines, and 
suicide assholes, and make them sorry as hell they ever fucked 
with the United States of America!!!! ONLY then will all this 
shit STOP!!! Then again maybe they (Our Government) have a 
different plan in mind that will work besides practically 
nuking thier fucking asses!! If they do, it sure would be nice 
to see them work it. Because this shit is getting old! And 
worse! If they have a plan to get rid of this terrorist shit 
that has gathered there where I expect they had an inckling it 
would, I would LOVE to see them put it into place!!! Either way 
Syria has got to go.....And Iran too for that matter....
 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **Notes:**
Date: Tue Oct 28 18:39:07 2003

Message:
Quoting: "(d) Do you earn in excess of 27000 pounds 
Sterling/Annum?"
i.e. before tax.

Should one include earnings from other money spinners outside 
your occupation?
This is up to you but your principal salary suffices. Note 
however that if you include earnings outside your main salary 
then you are not giving other people a fair chance.

What is the upper limit of a Halifax CardCash account?
I don't honestly know. When I type search terms in all I get 
back is information on exceeding your authorised overdraft limit 
not on the upper limit for the account. I do however expect that 
it could not exceed about 5 million pounds Sterling.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **<TITLE>Police Could You? - Apply</TITLE>**
Date: Tue Oct 28 18:44:01 2003

Message:
http://www.policecouldyou.co.uk/apply/

Today's link for the disinterested & bored.

It's funny but it reminds me of ..

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

From: Marie
To: Dead Dude
Date: Tue Oct 28 18:59:59 2003

Message:
You Ass!!! This site doesnt accept html!!!

From:
To:
Date: Tue Oct 28 23:12:38 2003

Message:
<a href="http://www.afghan-government.com/"><font 
color="FF000><font size="6"><u>LOL!</u></font></a>

From: Earl E. Byrd
To: Helen of Troy
Date: Wed Oct 29 01:23:35 2003

Message:
Richard,

  How long have you been posing as a woman?     
                         

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: Earl E. Byrd
Date: Wed Oct 29 06:37:50 2003

Message:
From: Earl E. Byrd 
To: Helen of Troy 
Date: Wed Oct 29 01:23:35 2003 
Message:
Richard,

How long have you been posing as a woman?   
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Do you mean how long have I been posing as a woman or how long 
has the Holy Spirit been posing as a woman? Clarify.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: Garry R D Kettle Banking Services Halifax
Subject: **YOU WON'T EVEN LAST THE 24 HOURS OR RATHER THE 11 AND A HALF REMAINING**
Date: Wed Oct 29 06:39:10 2003

Message:
So you really thought that at this late stage you would charge 
me money?
You're dead.
It's called a bullet through the back of your head.


Other news. By the way people I have finished filling in the 
police recruitment forms and I await a response. I'm always keen 
to help swell the numbers in areas where recruitment initiatives 
are proving difficult but the motive is good ... :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **NEW MESSIAH SMILE OR FANCY A DEATH SENTENCE?**
Date: Wed Oct 29 06:50:38 2003

Message:
Just fuck off with it.
Now you either credit that A/C or I will potentially be naming 
you tonight ..
You'll be dead very shortly after that.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **NEW MESSIAH SMILE OR FANCY A PREDICTION?**
Date: Wed Oct 29 06:52:27 2003

Message:
It is my considered opinion that nobody within those categories 
will credit my account today. They wouldn't do it even to save 
their own souls. I suppose they don't have any then. Maybe there 
will be exceptions - we'll see. In the meantime I reckon 
that "the bloodbath" is on ..

Have a nice time in Hell.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **I ORDER A MASSACRE OR NO ONE HERE GETS OUT ALIVE.**
Date: Wed Oct 29 06:56:50 2003

Message:
We understand that this has something to do with your 
finances ... :)

***IT IS MY RESPONSIBILITY TO WORK FOR GOD. IT IS YOUR 
RESPONSIBILITY TO ENSURE THAT I DO.***

I think the point is this: all of those people in Government 
know all about me but are such complete ASSES that they will not 
help me. Do we really want them upon the face of the planet? No. 
Simple answer. Some people want to know about the B.B.C. In 
essence, it is the same thing but in fact the point of my 
finances is rammed home to them far more clearly. How is this 
accomplished? Essentially, electronic transmitters also act as 
receivers to some extent and vice versa. Through the 
transmitting power of my television (any will do) I am able to 
act as a medium for a connection between the World of the Divine 
and the physical world and appear before newsreaders say in the 
television studios within a television camera itself just like 
with a web cam (but a better refresh rate:). In essence, the 
screening has to be live and I have to switch the television on. 
In contrast, I suspect that many people that bore witness to me 
are dead. The fact is that I am relayed all over the world via 
satellites and have been doing so all year. At the B.B.C. they 
have been recording me with cinema reel. There is some expense 
involved ... :) I suppose it never struck home to them that I 
intended to appear on the other side of the cameras but why the 
B.B.C. and why do the Police get out scot free compared say to 
MI5/MI6? Essentially, it is a karma issue but consider the 
motivations for working for the Police in contrast for working 
for the B.B.C. by example.

We shall be dealing with the other terrestial stations later. 
Better get your receipt handy ...............................

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Wed Oct 29 07:16:07 2003

Message:
I formally invite you to get busy at the bank today and apply 
for a loan if necessary. If you cannot produce a receipt that 
shows that it was at least your INTENTION to credit my account 
then we, the Police will shoot you - no questions asked.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Wed Oct 29 07:18:59 2003

Message:
Further: 

If you have got bad credit then just forget it - we'll deal with 
you later but again you must provide tangible proof. I strongly 
suggest that you carry this around with yourselves at all times 
along with some form of I.D. 

If you cannot get to your branch such is the thickening of the 
queues then just keep driving till you find one that provides 
you with that loan. Again, if there is any ostensible reason why 
you cannot perform this then we require the appropriate 
documentation which you must carry on you.

We have consulted and we have decided that sickness notes issued 
today will not be considered an acceptable reason for not 
providing the funds. You do realise that no doctor can be bought 
off over this because they know fully well that they'll be for 
the chopper too. If you are genuinely ill then I invite you to 
credit my account at a later date.

If you have tried everything and failed to credit my account 
today then you must provide say photographic proof of that 
closed bank branch in the countryside say along with photos of 
the car jams ... We will not be accepting excuses like "the 
capital is all wrapped up in my assets."

The deadline is purposefully tight because you bastards have 
been wasting my time all year. 

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Wed Oct 29 07:44:59 2003

Message:
I have seen the *by and large we get the idea* effect!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **RICH LIST UP NEXT**
Date: Wed Oct 29 07:47:20 2003

Message:
Jodie, just forget it. You have CJD. I understand that your 
behaviour is not going to be exemplary. As for funding your 
research .... well we get the idea.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **CLEANUP**
Date: Wed Oct 29 07:52:01 2003

Message:
We are removing the D.H.S.S. from the list.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **CLEANUP**
Date: Wed Oct 29 07:54:10 2003

Message:
We are removing the D.H.S.S. from the list. Yes, that's me. Even 
if it wasn't I would make allowances in this case only. 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **IT'S OFFICIAL**
Date: Wed Oct 29 07:55:54 2003

Message:
I have had my recruitment statement read out and I am now 
officially a member of the British Police Force. I am very happy 
that my candidature was successful and I hope that I can do some 
things that will benefit people longer term. Thank you for the 
congratulations.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **FOR PURPOSES OF POLICE RECRUITMENT, HERE ARE SOME OF THE ANSWERS TO THE ONLINE APPLICATION QUESTIONS I ANSWERED LAST NIGHT.**
Date: Wed Oct 29 08:16:13 2003

Message:
**WARNING!! THERE ARE VERY FEW POSITIONS THAT WILL BE 
CONSIDERED.**

Yes. :) I think you will find that things have got extremely 
competitive recently .........

There are a couple of bugs in the online software presently 
because it is still beta. Sorry about this - I expect that they 
will all be ironed out within a week or so. In the meantime I 
suggest that the easiest way around this for now is to get an ID 
with your email - go through the whole application page by page 
printing it out if applicable - and use a text editor or 
something like that to answer all the questions first. When you 
are satisfied with your responses then login again and use copy 
and paste to finally submit your application. If your local area 
says they are not recruiting don't let that prevent you from 
applying for that area because it is not actually a 
consideration in the recruitment process.

Anyway, here were some of my answers:

Q1 It is very important that police officers deliver an 
excellent service and develop good working relationships with 
members of the public. 
  Try to remember an occasion when you had to deal with someone 
who has been unhappy with the service they have been given, or 
who felt unhappy with the way they had been treated. If 
possible, use an example where you had contact with the person 
over a period of time or on a number of occasions in order to 
sort out the problem. 

(I) DESCRIBE THE SITUATION AND WHY YOU THINK THE PERSON WAS 
UNHAPPY [MAX 200 WORDS]
I used to have a neighbour who lived on the same street who 
though highly intelligent was unfortunately prone to a mental 
disorder on rare occasions. This guy did indeed harbour some 
strange beliefs and was at the time studying for a Phd in 
Philosophy (personally, I cannot see too much use in acquiring a 
degree like that but I suppose to each their own.) In my 
opinion, it was the fact of his intelligence and the fact of his 
mental disorder that he found the most difficult to reconcile 
and it was this that was making him so unhappy.

(II) TELL US EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID IN RESPONSE TO THEIR CONCERNS 
[MAX 200 WORDS]
During one of his hospitalisations I went to visit him a couple 
of times as an outpatient in the go-between of the hospital and 
society. There is nothing really to add here except that I found 
his condition to still be extremely poor (in my opinion) and 
that we went for a walk along a nearby river on one of the 
occasions.

(III) HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT THE PERSON WAS HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU 
DID FOR THEM? [MAX 150 WORDS]
He invited me to Neuchatel to meet his parents. I was at the 
time living in Geneva, Switzerland. It was a very old house in 
the centre of the town, the people and their welcome was superb 
and I enjoyed the overnight stay a great deal. Neuchatel is a 
very old Swiss town and a very interesting tourist attraction.

(IV) IF YOU HADN'T ACTED AS YOU DID, WHAT DO YOU THINK WOULD 
HAVE BEEN THE LIKELY CONSEQUENCE? [MAX 150 WORDS]
The obvious one would have been that I would never have gone to 
Neuchatel. :)

Seriously though, if people are ill and you know them and you 
have the time, then go and visit them in hospital. Personally, I 
find hospitals somewhat morbid places and therefore I have never 
done this to a large extent. I think that with mental hospitals 
people generally get put off. The true consequence would have 
been one less visitor for a person in a desperate situation.


Q2 It is vitally important that police officers respect the 
lifestyle, culture or beliefs of others even if these differ 
significantly from the officer's own views. 
Think of an example of an occasion when you have shown respect 
for the lifestyle, culture or beliefs of someone, even though 
they differed significantly from your own and you may even have 
disagreed with them. 

(I) TELL US HOW THE SITUATION AROSE AND HOW YOU AND THE OTHER 
PERSON DIFFERED [MAX 200 WORDS]
I was in a park called "Le Jardin Anglais" when along came a 
group of 7th day adventists (not exactly this but quite 
similiar.)  It was the Summer and actually there were a number 
of charismatic denominations demonstrating there that day. In 
fact it was a Sunday in the Summer and superb weather. Strictly 
speaking I am an aetheist and in that sense I differed by a very 
wide margin in comparison to the religious beliefs of these 
people. One of them came over to me and asked me if I had ever 
met Jesus ... :)

(II) WHICH ASPECTS OF THE DIFFERENCE DID YOU FIND MOST DIFFICULT 
TO DEAL WITH? [MAX 150 WORDS]
The most irreconcilable difference was that this person seemed 
to take "The Book of Revelations"  in the New Testament 
literally. In other words, as far as he was concerned, the 
events described in this book were going to happen. The 
secondmost irreconcilable difference was that he seemed to 
believe that these events were about to happen anytime and 
sooner rather than later ... :) 

(III) HOW DID YOU ADAPT WHAT YOU DID TO ACCOUNT FOR HOW THE 
OTHER PERSON MAY HAVE FELT? [MAX 200 WORDS]
I went along to a Billy Graham live broadcast first. Then I went 
to this person's  church and I became a born again Christian on 
the bequest that if I did the reverend would treat me to a meal 
at McDonald's and drive me home (this he did.) I would then go 
to the church quite often for the Sunday masses and I used to go 
to prayer meetings too. It is perhaps peculiar that I decided to 
do this but I think the reason was that they were a nice enough 
bunch of people even if I didn't really share their beliefs.


Q6 HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN SERIOUSLY THINKING ABOUT BECOMING A 
POLICE OFFICER AND WHAT FIRST GOT YOU INTERESTED? [MAX 150 WORDS]
I have been seriously thinking about becoming a police officer 
since yesterday. However, let me assure you that 'serious' 
means 'serious'. What first got me interested was the 
realisation some years ago that a tiny minority of people were 
making people scared to go out or to work - that kind of thing. 
I also realised that due to their relatively limited numbers, 
that at least in theory it might be possible to lock most of 
them up. I say 'in theory' for I am also aware how at present, 
due to the judicial system, many of these criminals are right 
back in society committing crimes all over again when really 
they should remain behind bars.


Q7 WHAT ARE YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF POLICE WORK? [MAX 200 WORDS]
(e.g. what do you expect to be doing, what effect do you expect 
the job to have on your social and domestic life, where do you 
see your career in the longer term?)

I do not see my career in the longer term being with the Police 
Force. However, I would expect to remain within their ranks for 
a very considerable time for I believe I could do no better than 
to serve my country in this way for now. I expect to be doing 
what I described in Q5. Since I am unmarried and because I am 
used to full time work, I cannot see any particular change to my 
social and domestic life with which I am not already familiar.


Q8 WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO PREPARE FOR THIS APPLICATION? [MAX 200 
WORDS]
(Earlier forays into English language skills can in retrospect 
prove useful.)


There are various ways by which I prepared for this application -
 restfulness included - but for example, I have tried to keep 
myself physically and mentally fit for the task.  Precisely how 
this was achieved and the consequences of your recruiting me can 
only ever be experienced on a first hand basis ...


From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **TO CJD OR NOT TO CJD**
Date: Wed Oct 29 09:21:50 2003

Message:
After some consultation we have come to the conclusion that some 
of the behaviour of people concerning my finances could well be 
down to having contracted CJD. We have been monitoring a few 
people that have contracted this illness and we know the 
symptomatology. Therefore we have decided to carry out a CJD 
test (checking for prions in the urine) before deciding whether 
we shall execute you or not as a final criteria.

Yes. We have decided that we don't need or want Government.

Bring on the Police Government!!

Or "Vote Police Government!!" LOL!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: **THE MEDICALLY QUESTIONABLE ACTIONS OF MAYDAY MIDDLE MANAGEMENT**
Subject: **I INTEND FOR AN INQUISITION RELAUNCH OF SORTS OR WHO'S FOR A RESEARCH GRANT?** :)
Date: Wed Oct 29 09:29:14 2003

Message:
This is the best yet. I've just had someone come over from 
Mayday Hospital asking me if I'd like a research grant and then 
exclaiming "I am very proud to announce that we've placed 20000 
pounds into your account for CJD research."

Aren't I lucky! :)

Without further ado the individual we immediately arrested and 
we've sent her off for a CJD test. Later on we'll be locking her 
up for interrogation later.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **I QUITE LIKE ORBSTERS ACTUALLY**
Date: Wed Oct 29 10:23:13 2003

Message:
http://www.nanzarts.com/products.htm

Today's link for the disinterested & bored.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **COPY AND PASTE THIS CODE INTO ANY TEXT EDITOR AND SAVE IT AS ANY FILE NAME BUT USE THE FILE EXTENSION ".FRM" START A NEW DEFAULT PROJECT, RIGHT CLICK ON THE FORM ICON IN THE PROJECT WINDOW AND CHOOSE "REMOVE FORM1.FRM" FROM THE CONTEXT MENU. RIGHT CLICK AGAIN ON THE PROJECT WINDOW AND CHOOSE "ADD" AND THEN "FORM" AND THEN BROWSE TO WHEREVER YOU SAVED THE FILE. SAVE THE PROJECT AND RUN (F5)**
Date: Wed Oct 29 12:35:58 2003

Message:
VERSION 5.00
Begin VB.Form Form1 
   Caption         =   "Halifax CardCash Program"
   ClientHeight    =   3180
   ClientLeft      =   60
   ClientTop       =   360
   ClientWidth     =   4680
   LinkTopic       =   "Form1"
   ScaleHeight     =   3180
   ScaleWidth      =   4680
   StartUpPosition =   3  'Windows Default
   Begin VB.TextBox Text3 
      Enabled         =   0   'False
      Height          =   375
      Left            =   2520
      TabIndex        =   2
      Text            =   "0"
      Top             =   1320
      Width           =   1815
   End
   Begin VB.TextBox Text2 
      Enabled         =   0   'False
      Height          =   375
      Left            =   2520
      TabIndex        =   1
      Text            =   "0"
      Top             =   840
      Width           =   1815
   End
   Begin VB.TextBox Text1 
      Height          =   375
      Left            =   2520
      TabIndex        =   0
      Top             =   360
      Width           =   1815
   End
   Begin VB.Label Label3 
      Caption         =   "Amount to Credit"
      Height          =   255
      Left            =   120
      TabIndex        =   5
      Top             =   1440
      Width           =   1455
   End
   Begin VB.Label Label2 
      Caption         =   "Tax deducted Salary (25%)"
      Height          =   255
      Left            =   120
      TabIndex        =   4
      Top             =   960
      Width           =   2175
   End
   Begin VB.Label Label1 
      Caption         =   "Input Salary"
      Height          =   255
      Left            =   120
      TabIndex        =   3
      Top             =   480
      Width           =   2055
   End
End
Attribute VB_Name = "Form1"
Attribute VB_GlobalNameSpace = False
Attribute VB_Creatable = False
Attribute VB_PredeclaredId = True
Attribute VB_Exposed = False
Option Explicit
' This is elementary software if you have VB 6.0 or similiar
' --- It may help you to avoid your imminent deaths ---
' Perhaps you are having problems with the concept of crediting 
me money?
' Well don't worry because I'm all yours! :)
' By the way, information sources would have a CardCash account 
with an upper level of 30000 pounds
' only in their opinion
Private Sub Text1_KeyDown(KeyCode As Integer, Shift As Integer)
Const TAXRATE = 25
Dim Salary, SalaryThird
Dim tmpInt As Integer
Dim tmpSng As Single

On Error GoTo ErrorHandler

If Asc(KeyCode) = 49 Then

   Salary = Text1
   ' Deduct tax: for this sample I shall simply choose 25% [you 
work out your own for 2003]
   Salary = Salary / 100 * (100 - TAXRATE)
   ' Calculate one third of the salary
   SalaryThird = Salary * (1 / 3)
  
   tmpInt = SalaryThird
   tmpSng = SalaryThird - tmpInt
   
   ' Round final figure up or down depending on the pence
   Select Case tmpSng
        Case Is = 0
           GoTo JumpOut
        Case Is < 0.5
           SalaryThird = SalaryThird - 1
        Case Is > 0.5
           SalaryThird = SalaryThird + 1
           ' Round up [as in Mathematics] in the case of a 50p 
remainder
        Case Is = 0.5
           SalaryThird = SalaryThird + 1
   End Select
   
JumpOut:
   
    ' Display the results and clear the input box
   Text2 = Salary
   Text3 = SalaryThird
   Text1 = ""
   
   If Salary < 27000 Then
      MsgBox "You do not need to credit the account" & vbCrLf _
      & "though you may do so if you feel inclined", _
      vbInformation + vbOKOnly, "Halifax CardCash Program"
   End If
   
End If

ErrorHandler:
End Sub

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **NOTHING LIKE TESTING YOUR OWN SOFTWARE OR IF YOU EVER WANT ANYTHING DONE TYPICALLY JUST D.I.Y.**
Date: Wed Oct 29 12:43:32 2003

Message:
I've just tried it and the stagger sorted itself out in notepad. 
Try running and place an apostrophe in front of any lines that 
appear red. From the toolbar choose Project->Properties and for 
the Startup Object dropdown choose the form. It then runs 
fine! :)

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Wed Oct 29 12:49:46 2003

Message:
I have seen the *He ain't joking about the chopper* effect!!

From:
To:
Date: Wed Oct 29 12:51:30 2003

Message:
Also, don't use the Numpad - I didn't bother handling it.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **BETTER HOPE YOUR ONLINE BANKING FACILITY IS NOT DOWN OR HOW I LIKE THE THOUGHT OF DROPPING MYSELF INTO HELL**
Date: Wed Oct 29 12:54:35 2003

Message:
Due to my infinite generosity I have decided to extend the time 
period till midnight.

I then declare open season with the bullets .....

Nah! Into the Government bomb shelter you go with some dog 
biscuits while we consider your futures more carefully.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **TO SHOOT THEM OR NOT TO SHOOT THEM, THAT IS THE QUESTION.**
Date: Wed Oct 29 13:32:09 2003

Message:
Really, I think it is a question of potential overcrowding in 
the bomb shelter. These people are not cattle ...

Should they hand themselves in?

Dunno.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **RUNNING OUT OF TIME OR I'M ABOUT TO GET MY BANK BALANCE IN A FEW MINUTES.**
Date: Wed Oct 29 13:45:01 2003

Message:
If people want to handle the KeyDown event properly and use the 
2003 tax rates under P.A.Y.E. and thus handle the tax 
calculation properly then please feel free. Personally I tire of 
such calculations. If you are going to e-mail an executable then:

(a) Ensure absolutely that the calculation is performed properly.
(b) Distribute the VB runtimes with the program so use Package & 
Deployment Wizard is best in my opinion.

I declare my code bug free excepting (a)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **IF YOU CAN'T PAY THE MONEY TONIGHT**
Date: Wed Oct 29 14:08:24 2003

Message:
Whatever you do - don't panic. Take your existing savings 
INCLUDING the overdrafts and credit all of that tonight and you 
may credit the remainder tomorrow with your assets or similiar. 
If you don't we shall have them seized. Also don't try the 
hidden account act on us either. We know how to deal with that 
one already. Proof must be formal and so we are not going to 
accept print outs from web pages as proof of transfer. We 
require proper bank statements or similiar.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **CHOOSE YOUR VICTIMS**
Date: Wed Oct 29 19:00:34 2003

Message:
Martha Kearney
Jeremy Paxman
Hugh Edwards
Stephen Dorrell

We've arranged a knock on your respective doors gestapo style ..

From: ARNOLD
To: helen of troy
Subject: ISLAM IS WAY TOO VILE THAN EVIL
Date: Wed Oct 29 19:38:06 2003

Message:
Islam is not intrinsically evil in my opinion. Should one 
conclude that "algebra" is evil? The accusation is irrelevant
..............................................

WELL,WELL, SO WHAT'S THE RELATION BETWEEN ISLAM AND ALGEBRA? FOR 
YOUR INFORMATION; ISLAM FOUND ALGEBRA ALREADY AT INDIA , ALL 
ISLAM DID WAS TO SPREAD ALGEBRA TO OTHER COUNTRIES AS THEY 
PIGGED THEIR WAY LOOKING FOR ABUNDANCE AND WEALTH IN OTHER NON-
MUSLIM COUNTRIES, UNTIL THE GREAT CRUSADERS PUSHED THEM BACK TO 
NEAR ANNHILIATION BUT SADLY DIDN'T FINISH THE JOB.
ALL ISLAM BROUGHT TO MANY COUNTRIES IS A CURSE AND AN 
UNFORGIVING DESERT AND IGNORANCE IN THEIR TRAIL.
INSTEAD OF CRACKING SMART JOKES AND DEFENDING ISLAM , YOU MAY 
INVEST YOUR TIME WISELY BY VISITING THE WEBSITE I POSTED 
REGARDING EVIL OF ISLAM. AT LEAST YOU WILL SEE HOW YOUR 
SCIENTIFIC NON-EVIL ISLAM TREAT WOMEN.
BTW; WESTERN WOMEN ARE THE GREATEST DEFENDERS OF ISLAM IN THE 
WEST (AFTER THEM COMES THE LOWLY LEFTISTS!), DESPITE SEEING FOR 
THEMSELVES HOW ISLAM TREAT WOMEN. IT'S REALLY HYPOCRITICAL ON 
THE WESTERN WOMEN TO DEFEND SUCH A WOMEN-OPPRESSING EVIL CULT 
AND THEN COME AND ASK US FOR ALL SORTS OF EQUALITIES...MAKES ME 
WONDER , MAY BE WE ARE GIVING WESTERN WOMEN WAY TOO MUCH 
UNDESERVED LIBERTIES, AND AS THE SAYING GOES; WOMEN LOVE THOSE 
WHO ROUGHEN THEM UP.
GET YOUR PRIORITIES RIGHT HELEN..........
 

From: om/cf
To:
Subject: LOL!
Date: Wed Oct 29 20:30:18 2003

Message:
Muslim Girls TURN ME ON!

Men are in charge of women, because Allah has preferred men over 
women. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and 
ill-conduct, admonish them; banish them to their couches and 
beat them. 
 Holy Quran (4:34) 

If a man and a woman are alone in one place, the third person 
present is the devil. 
 The Prophet Muhammad 

These are days of moral decline and spiritual malaise for the 
West, what with compulsory lesbianism among grade-school girls, 
not to mention lotsa slobbering, sourpussed, clit-stapled, hairy-
pitted female bulldoggies who never resolved their daddy issues 
hanging around all the places where I like to buy coffee. 

There are no dykes in Afghanistan, and that's reason enough to 
move there. 

Chicks are ruining the West. Over here in this neck of the 
world, a sloppy Goddess Goulash stinks up the skies while the 
Middle East, with its well-endowed macho God, starts to smell 
like paradise. 

Wherefore art thou going, O wayward Western woman? 

The Western woman has become defiled. 

The Western woman has lost her soul amid the godless quest for 
mammon. 

The Western woman has gotten all uppity and stuff, always 
ordering the most expensive desserts when you take her out to 
dinner. 

The Western woman does not realize that there is no higher 
satisfaction for a woman than to please Allah. 

Here in the land of the Great Satan, we extol feminine character 
traits, and yet we still expect to win a war against our 
unflinchingly butch enemy. 

The man who falls prey to feminine wiles is no man at all. Those 
Muslims know that once you surrender your mighty natural-born 
male-warrior spirit to female charms, you become a pathetic, 
undignified cuckold. You become an unmanly lad. What s worse, 
you incur the wrath of Allah, who s really hard to deal with 
when he s pissed. 

Women have desires that have to be fully suppressed lest they 
lure the righteous believer into the pits of hell. Whorish 
immorality is the natural female state. Observe how the four-
year-old girl rubs her crotch up against the coffee table while 
you have guests over, and you ll agree with my premise here. 
Once a woman realizes she is capable of sexual pleasure, she 
becomes vexatious and troublesome to the righteous man. You get 
her started, and a few weeks later she s gobblin  chubby 
strangers  cocks in piss-encrusted truck-stop bathrooms, and 
that s not cool. That s not cool at all. 

Unlike the vaguely faggy virgin Jesus, the Prophet Muhammad was 
a stud-muffin. Hung like Allah, too, I ll bet. Here was a 
religious leader with a robust enjoyment of carnal delights. He 
liked  em young and tight. He liked  em old and loose. He 
liked  em, period. But he didn t like  em if they had their 
period,  coz that s disgusting. While the homo Christ chose to 
laze around with twelve other males, Muhammad plowed through at 
least a dozen wives, plus scads of hot, horny slave chicks. He 
married a six-year-old girl when he was 51. He died at 62 on the 
lap of a 17-year-old bride. A true pimp daddy, Muhammad was. The 
Original Gangsta. 

And his followers were nearly as burly as the Prophet himself. 
His cousin Ali wisely stated that "The entire woman is 
evil .Men, never ever obey your women .They complain of being 
oppressed when in fact it is they who oppress." Omar, Islam s 
second caliph, counseled Muslim guys to "Adopt positions 
opposite those of women. There is great merit in such 
opposition." Indeed, these were men of great wisdom and 
holiness. Righteous bro s. Ain t no fun if the homies can t have 
none! 

And I want some. I want some sultry Saudi sirens. Some cock-
hungry Kuwaiti cuties. A classy Pakistani lassie with a sassy 
chassis. 

The Muslim girl oozes mystery. She teases, tempts, and 
tantalizes. She keeps her mouth shut, too, or they ll cut off 
her tongue. All that repression is simply irresistible to me. 
Her delicious subservience. The way she does what she s told. 
The way she understands that all these rules are for her own 
good. Think of all the repression which has been crammed into 
her swarthy body. Think of all that coiled libidinal energy, a 
hundred times more pent-up than in the most guilt-stricken 
Catholic girl. Think of how fun it would be to fuck all that 
repression out of her. 

Suddenly I m transported to a harem tent filled with big fluffy 
pillows, hash-filled hookahs, and totally hot chicks in silk 
costumes who wanna blow me. A summery breeze floats in from the 
oil fields. The smell of cocoa butter and fig newtons 
intoxicates my nostrils. A big, sopping, matted, goat-herd shrub 
waits nestled between her legs. 

She s wrapped up like a mummy, peeking out from the slit in her 
burqa. I watch lustfully as it takes her four hours to get all 
those clothes off. I sniff her Islamic vagina. Tweak her Quranic 
nipples. Poke my finger inside her Middle Eastern anus. Go on a 
Crusade  tween her legs. Invade the Holy Land. A hummus-like 
paste forms between her thighs. When I finally insert my 
falafel, she shrieks with delight. 

Happy Arabian boners pop across the Middle East. Millions of 
brown, hairy nutsacks tighten in unison. Proud Muslim girls 
hoist their lovers  cocks like AK-47s. Muslim women   YES! ... 
Muslim women  NOW!   Muslim women   GROOVY!   Muslim women   
FUNKY FRESH! 

I want to take her home and tell her to do things. Vacuum that 
carpet, Muslim girl! Fetch me a hoagie and some cold lemonade, 
thou handmaiden of the One True Prophet! Keep your olive-colored 
bazooms tightly under wraps, Muslim girl. Stay in the house, 
Muslim girl. Stay ignorant. Stay preggers. Stay down. Down, 
girl, down! 

The word "Islam" translates literally as "submission." God wants 
us to keep the wimmens down with head scarves and 
clitoridectomies and ceaseless beatings. Shred and sew up their 
genitals in order to contain their relentless, meandering lust. 
Righteous men nod approvingly as Revolutionary Guardsmen 
disfigure the faces of women who ve worn makeup. Wives suspected 
of immorality are doused with gasoline and torched to a crisp. 
Thousands of randy Muslim bucks cheer and laugh as sin-stained 
women are herded into stadiums for public floggings. 

Islam offers several advantages for the believing man s 
enjoyment, almost all of them sexual. On Earth, a Muslim man can 
marry up to four wives at once. In heaven, he is greeted with a 
minimum of seventy-two submissive virgins poised to please him 
eternally seventy-two Muslim broads who never break a sweat, 
never age, never get their periods, and never tell you to take 
out the trash. In paradise, a man is given the sex drive of a 
hundred men. It s like Islamic Viagra! Lo! My Penis is ever 
High, Exalted, Great. 

The Holy Quran advises us: "Men, your wives are your tillage. Go 
into your tillage any way you want." I think that means the 
Hershey Highway is OK with God. If you were so inclined, you 
could probably get away with the Dirty Sanchez and the Dutch 
Oven, too. 

The more I hear about Islam, the more I like it. Islam is such a 
cool, violent, sexy religion! Islam rocks! Those Islams is good 
people. Those Muslims know how to keep their bitches in line! 

And I ask the nonbelievers what s so wrong with all of that? And 
I wonder are we really on the right side in this war? It is a 
war of gender philosophies that we re fighting, and we may be on 
the wrong side, dudes. The Western man would be wise to take a 
second look at Islam, if only for the chicks. 

Would you be willing to trade some of our cherished freedoms for 
the right to enslave and abuse women? When one ponders all the 
sexy perks offered to Muslim men, it becomes obvious why they re 
willing to die for their faith. 

The attack on the Twin Towers was intrinsically phallic in its 
symbolism. Woe unto the emasculated Western Man, mocked by his 
women as he drools and begs for sex. Woe unto the West, where 
women dominate and the culture falls apart. The West will fall 
because it is pussy-whipped. We may have the money and the 
technology, but we just don t have the starch in our shorts 
anymore. 

However the winds blow, the war on terrorism will be a good 
thing for the American male. If we win the war, we get their 
women. If we lose the war, we get to treat our women like they 
treat their women. Who s to complain?

From: ARNOLD
To:
Subject: EVIL OF ISLAM
Date: Wed Oct 29 20:31:59 2003

Message:
http://www.ourenemies.org/World.htm
http://www.ourenemies.org/World.htm
http://www.ourenemies.org/World.htm

From: Earl E. Byrd
To:
Date: Wed Oct 29 23:39:57 2003

Message:
Richard of Troy has a split personality disorder. I envy them. 
They'll always have each other! No one likes me though. :(       

From: Laughing at America
To: om/cf
Date: Wed Oct 29 23:56:06 2003

Message:
However the winds blow, the war on terrorism will be a good 
thing for the American male. If we win the war, we get their 
women. If we lose the war, we get to treat our women like they 
treat their women. Who s to complain?---------------------------

Keep your fingers crossed om/cf! With the removal of rape laws, 
even YOU might be able to get laid someday!



From: Facts Finder
To: Arnold
Date: Thu Oct 30 03:01:05 2003

Message:
Went the site given by you. I would say I agree with many points 
found on that site but some points of Arafat being a gay destroy 
the whole site with picture of him dressing in both rope. We can 
see clearly, it was a lady body and hand. So I would say the 
site is very pro Isreal.

I only believe in facts. I like the research of how the 12 years 
was killed and I believe. First the boy did ask to be a matyr 
but they killed him when they found that he was in the right 
place and the right time for this propaganda.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: ARNOLD
Date: Thu Oct 30 04:17:32 2003

Message:
Islam is not intrinsically evil in my opinion. Should one 
conclude that "algebra" is evil? The accusation is irrelevant
..............................................

WELL,WELL, SO WHAT'S THE RELATION BETWEEN ISLAM AND ALGEBRA? FOR 
YOUR INFORMATION; ISLAM FOUND ALGEBRA ALREADY AT INDIA , ALL 
ISLAM DID WAS TO SPREAD ALGEBRA TO OTHER COUNTRIES AS THEY 
PIGGED THEIR WAY LOOKING FOR ABUNDANCE AND WEALTH IN OTHER NON-
MUSLIM COUNTRIES, UNTIL THE GREAT CRUSADERS PUSHED THEM BACK TO 
NEAR ANNHILIATION BUT SADLY DIDN'T FINISH THE JOB.
ALL ISLAM BROUGHT TO MANY COUNTRIES IS A CURSE AND AN 
UNFORGIVING DESERT AND IGNORANCE IN THEIR TRAIL.
INSTEAD OF CRACKING SMART JOKES AND DEFENDING ISLAM , YOU MAY 
INVEST YOUR TIME WISELY BY VISITING THE WEBSITE I POSTED 
REGARDING EVIL OF ISLAM. AT LEAST YOU WILL SEE HOW YOUR 
SCIENTIFIC NON-EVIL ISLAM TREAT WOMEN.
BTW; WESTERN WOMEN ARE THE GREATEST DEFENDERS OF ISLAM IN THE 
WEST (AFTER THEM COMES THE LOWLY LEFTISTS!), DESPITE SEEING FOR 
THEMSELVES HOW ISLAM TREAT WOMEN. IT'S REALLY HYPOCRITICAL ON 
THE WESTERN WOMEN TO DEFEND SUCH A WOMEN-OPPRESSING EVIL CULT 
AND THEN COME AND ASK US FOR ALL SORTS OF EQUALITIES...MAKES ME 
WONDER , MAY BE WE ARE GIVING WESTERN WOMEN WAY TOO MUCH 
UNDESERVED LIBERTIES, AND AS THE SAYING GOES; WOMEN LOVE THOSE 
WHO ROUGHEN THEM UP.
GET YOUR PRIORITIES RIGHT HELEN....
-----------------------------------------------------------------
It would appear to always be the same story with Islam - the 
founder just ripped off other previously existing ideas. I can 
assure you that this is no the case and that when you talk 
of "facts" you should perhaps consider precisely what that is in 
real terms historically.

"WOMEN LOVE THOSE WHO ROUGHEN THEM UP." Yes SOME and I repeat 
SOME of them do. I am not sure why the hell such a phenomenon 
exists and yet it does and I think the explanation should be 
sought psychologically as the best bet to start with to explain 
such crazed attitudes.
 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: Jodie Foster
Subject: **WANNA COME ON MY SPACESHIP??**
Date: Thu Oct 30 04:24:46 2003

Message:
It's just too good to be true.
Deadline today.
Cash up front (500000+) or nothing EVER.
Please note that "EVER" means "EVER."
End of Story.

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Thu Oct 30 04:37:58 2003

Message:
I have seen *The Employment Opportunities of the Future* effect!!

Hand delivered please. Blow me later.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **FASTER THAN LIGHT TRAVEL**
Date: Thu Oct 30 07:19:44 2003

Message:
I propose the following:
Propulse yourself faster than light and all sorts of strange 
things start to happen ... :)
You will probably experience all of your incarnations but from 
the point of view of "an entity".
The question is whether you are capable of surviving such an 
incident?
I think this is more or less non-survivable and I declare 
therefore a design flaw in the prototype.
The question is: how would one become initiated and why?
Personally, I believe this to be an issue of Faith and yet we 
shall all find out today i.e. with Josie Foster - I will tell 
you all the answer.
By the way, I intend to iron out the design flaw later such as 
we achieve a "hyperleap" - this last simply meaning that we 
shall jump from Point A to Point B instantaneously without the 
headache of becoming God along the way.
Please note in conclusion that everything has its day and such 
an experience would be relatively finite in time and you wield 
power only to relinquish it later ..... :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Thu Oct 30 07:29:26 2003

Message:
Don't push your luck with me my patience is out and I will cause 
you to suffer eternally in the afterlife. Some of you are 
already on your bike. But how many of you wish to persist in a 
hellhole for an afterlife existence forever? That is the Q. O Ye 
fools of little Faith!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Thu Oct 30 07:31:55 2003

Message:
Shut that fucking music down!! LOL!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: Anne Widdecombe
Date: Thu Oct 30 07:35:27 2003

Message:
Yes well are you ready to resign?
I demand you resign!
**RESIGN NOW OR ROT IN HELL FOREVER**
LOL!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: **Defence Minister**
Date: Thu Oct 30 07:37:17 2003

Message:
Look you "Goon!"
Did you read that???
I'm sending Ann Widdecombe to Hell for not resigning ..
Now you are going too!
But don't say I didn't warn you.
**ROT IN HELL FOREVER**
--- You should have resigned but I warned you didn't I?

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **AWAITING WRITTEN CONFIRMATION OR DEFINE "ANARCHY" - "ANARCHY" IS JUST LIKE THE WORD "NIGGER" - DO NOT SAY THIS WORD ONCE YOU ARE FORMALLY ACCEPTED AMONGST THE POLICE RANKS K?* :)
Date: Thu Oct 30 07:40:11 2003

Message:
http://www.urban75.org/useless/widdecombe.html

ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz I am a cop ....... ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz .......

From: TARTAN LUGGIN' SLING
To:
Subject: **I HAVE A BREAM!!**
Date: Thu Oct 30 07:44:04 2003

Message:
I have a bream and one day this fish will rise up and live out 
the true meaning of water to land surface existence: "We hold 
these truths to be self-evident: that all bream are created 
equal." I have a bream that one day on the red hills of Georgia 
will with the sons of former slave bream and the sons of former 
slaveowner bream sit down together at a fishy table of 
brotherhood [provided we the bream grow legs]. I have a bream 
and one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state in 
terms of bream populations, will swelter in the heat of bream 
fucking [and fucking Hell that fucking place exists!! Fuck 
me!!], will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. 
I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a 
nation where they will not be judged by their being bream or 
carp but by the content of their character. I have a bream 
today - kinda sucks cause I'd go for the carp anyday ... Oh 
well: I have a bream. I suppose I could pretend that it is a 
carp and most folk will believe me ...

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **ROYAL MAIL POSTAL STRIKE**
Date: Thu Oct 30 08:13:10 2003

Message:
You almost did in the D.H.S.S. you fucking cunts!!
I do not support your action you peasants.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **PREPARE TO DIE!!**
Date: Thu Oct 30 08:15:21 2003

Message:
On the question of my finances ... :)

From: Richard Warwick
To: Jodie Foster
Subject: **ARE YOU A FOOL? WE SHALL ALL FIND OUT THE ANSWER TODAY**
Date: Thu Oct 30 08:17:21 2003

Message:
I think you should look beyond your miserable existence and ask 
yourself this question; "Do you want to be a God [by formal 
invitation and the initiation fee], or do you want to be stuffed 
into Hell?" Alternatively, do you just want to hang around and 
observe - either besotted by your materialism or simply 
incapable of seeing beyond the consequences of your own actions 
during twenty four hours?

One deadline was surpassed and I have definite plans for those 
people - however, that sum must be provided today or I will find 
other suitable candidates.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING**
Date: Thu Oct 30 08:26:09 2003

Message:
Who credited my account out of the following groups?


(1) X.X.X.X.
(2) Croydon Council
(3) Government Politicians & Whitehall
(4) MI5/MI6
(5) B.B.C.
(6) Inland Revenue

Nobody. At the very least I declare them non-followers and non-
Christian. They suck ass essentially. If you see one then kill 
it for I think it is a demon.

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Thu Oct 30 08:45:02 2003

Message:
I have seen the *Holy fuck this guy don't ever change his mind* 
effect!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **FUCKING CUNTS**
Date: Thu Oct 30 08:45:54 2003

Message:
The proof is in the pudding you fucking cunts.
Die!! Or rather - physically die for you I declare spiritually 
dead already. Bingo! And fuck you too!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: USAMA BIN LADEN
Subject: **PLAN "B"** :)
Date: Thu Oct 30 09:59:10 2003

Message:
Please display Concorde with its tail end sticking out of the 
Houses of Parliament.
Thank you.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: *IS THE I.Q. OF BLACK PEOPLE STATISTICALLY LESS THAN THAT OF OTHER RACES?*
Date: Thu Oct 30 15:00:30 2003

Message:
Today I have been addressing racial issues prior to my official 
police training and I also solved crime.  

The answer is surprisingly "no" despite scientific studies that 
would appear to indicate the contrary. In brief, these studies 
were used specifically by white supremists in the South of the 
U.S.A. a few years back. But can anyone figure out some of the 
ways by which these studies were flawed? I am also wondering if 
any visuo-spatial I.Q. studies have been carried out amongst the 
aboriginal race and if not, specifically why?

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: *IS THE I.Q. OF BLACK PEOPLE STATISTICALLY LESS THAN THAT OF OTHER RACES?*
Date: Thu Oct 30 15:00:30 2003

Message:
Today I have been addressing racial issues prior to my official 
police training and I also solved crime.  

The answer is surprisingly "no" despite scientific studies that 
would appear to indicate the contrary. In brief, these studies 
were used specifically by white supremists in the South of the 
U.S.A. a few years back. But can anyone figure out some of the 
ways by which these studies were flawed? I am also wondering if 
any visuo-spatial I.Q. studies have been carried out amongst the 
aboriginal race and if not, specifically why?

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **THERE ARE CONFLICTING REPORTS THAT JODIE FOSTER HAS BEEN SHOT DEAD AND DUMPED**
Date: Thu Oct 30 15:10:20 2003

Message:
The point is this: though I don't really care much for *The 
Hollywood "A" list women* - for obvious reasons involving 
finances - I am just warning you to be careful now that I am 
joining the Police Force. The underworld (strictly speaking) 
consider themselves fair game and have probably either stopped 
or moved country but all in all I doubt very much that you would 
have to fear criminal elements like that: it simply is not their 
style. On the other hand be very careful of disturbed men in 
groups of two or more, especially if they look agressive from a 
distance. I am not trying to invoke panic - there's the advice - 
it's all free. Have a good one.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **JUDGEMENT DAY ON THE INSTITUTIONS**
Date: Thu Oct 30 16:39:28 2003

Message:
I have considered this carefully and it is the intention of God 
to send those high salary earners to Hell. You sent yourselves 
actually. Also, I don't think there is any means of preventing 
your after death state which is now fixed and may not be 
altered. This matter is now closed though we are still weighing 
up the pro's and con's of Concorde into Parliament.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **PROVIDING JODIE IS STILL LIVING**
Date: Thu Oct 30 17:31:38 2003

Message:
What's her medical prospects Doc? :)
Well gee last time we had her by she was paying her initiation 
fee to experience an entity aware of all the incarnations of the 
entire world. To perform this stunt we were intending to 
propulse ourselves faster than light ... Personally I know this 
to be a design flaw in the space craft which we shall iron out 
at a later date.
Nonetheless in my opinion we have here a case of another 
Hollywood actor - the fact of Liam Neeson's Police shooting 
wouldn't seem to dissuade him from impersonating her father and 
informing us all here that he has formally identified the 
body ....
Motive? Let's see if I care about her.
Myself? I don't joke with such matters. 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **JODIE FOSTER**
Date: Thu Oct 30 17:56:10 2003

Message:
I don't actually know about her present living or dead status, 
however she has been doing quite a few similiar things lately - 
attempting to act within a context that is not appropriate for 
those actions are more geared to the cinema or the stage. Other 
Hollywood actors have done similiar things - they appear to 
think that I am some kind of principal actor. This is NOT repeat 
NOT the case. The best "cure" in this circumstance is to see me 
in a different role - say as a police officer - but by "role" 
let us understand "working occupation" as the meaning and lose 
the acting context altogether. Hope that helps. I certainly 
don't put any of Jodie's actions against her because I think she 
is unwell and that was she has been doing is her way of mentally 
coping with my reappearance. By the way, shooting Liam Neeson 
was a mistake and we are trying to prevent further mishaps 
occurring. Sorry.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **JUDGEMENT DAY ON THE INSTITUTIONS**
Date: Thu Oct 30 19:30:36 2003

Message:
I have considered this carefully and it is the intention of God 
to send those high salary earners to Hell. You sent yourselves 
actually. Also, I don't think there is any means of preventing 
your after death state which is now fixed and may not be 
altered. This matter is now closed though we are still weighing 
up the pro's and con's of Concorde into Parliament.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Is there a Hell? Most people in the modern world think that the 
idea has simply become obsolete and that it is relatively 
primitive. I suppose one can argue that Hell cannot go in and 
out of fashion. Even though unscientific I still have to go with 
it in "an aspect". I am not sure exactly what that is but the 
problem is complex as many of us know.

I have been considering the fates of all of these people this 
evening.

From: MUTHAFUCKER
To: HELEN OF TROY
Date: Thu Oct 30 21:08:00 2003

Message:
Is there a Hell?

YES. YOUR MUNDANE POSTS ARE IT.

From:
To: Helen X. Warwick
Date: Thu Oct 30 21:30:46 2003

Message:
Gosh you like to hear yourself talk. Interesting that you often 
pose as a woman (i.e., "Helen of Troy"). Brilliant in its own 
right. Since you'll never attract a woman, you can at least have 
one in your life by pretending to be one. Your wardrobe must have 
cost you a fortune! :)              

From:
To:
Date: Thu Oct 30 21:30:46 2003

Message:
Richard Warwick is Little Bo Perp.     

From: zig zag
To:
Date: Fri Oct 31 07:41:10 2003

Message:
mornin you Yankie twats, shot anyone today or what, Iv'e been 
shooting Marie up the shitter for a week 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: X?
Date: Fri Oct 31 08:36:27 2003

Message:
Gosh you like to hear yourself talk. Interesting that you often 
pose as a woman (i.e., "Helen of Troy"). Brilliant in its own 
right. Since you'll never attract a woman, you can at least have 
one in your life by pretending to be one. Your wardrobe must 
have 
cost you a fortune! :) 
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Actually I have. You might as well get your facts in 
perspective.            

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **RICHARD WARWICK IS A GAY FAGGOT FUCKHEAD WHORE SUBINTELLIGENT FUCKSO** :)
Date: Fri Oct 31 08:38:17 2003

Message:
Richard Warwick is Little Bo Perp.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I think you mean "Peep"
Glad to meet up with someone Holy.
Since it is Halloween I have arranged a "special" this year that 
involves real murders.
I hope you find it exceedingly sinister and guess what? :)
It all involves money .......

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **WE TRY AGAIN OR NO I DO NOT HAPPEN TO CARRY SMALL ATOMIC BOMB DEVICES WITH MY HANDHELD LUGGAGE BECAUSE I DO NOT PARTICULARLY FANCY THE IDEA OF GETTING BLOWN UP**
Date: Fri Oct 31 08:41:27 2003

Message:
Envelope-to: rwarwick@croydononline.org
Received: from www-data by mail.croydononline.org with local 
(Exim 3.35 #1 (Debian))
 id 1AFZWQ-0000mB-00; Fri, 31 Oct 2003 13:41:02 +0000
To: Julian.ELLIOTT@notzstucki.com
Subject: RE: RE: Fancy an investment? :)
Message-ID: <1067607661.3fa2666d358e1@mail.croydononline.org>
Date: Fri, 31 Oct 2003 13:41:01 +0000 (GMT)
From: rwarwick@croydononline.org
Cc: rwarwick@croydononline.org
References: <B76BC3D4BC458B4F8D9D36ADF9A54EF2271D21@NSC-MAIL-
SERVER>
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Hi Erik, Julian,
When would be convenient? Next Friday the 7th of November or 
when? I thank you 
Julian for the offer but should I try flying EasyJet again in 
your best 
opinion? Many Q's later there doesn't really seem much to lose 
by discussing 
some of my plans with you and I appreciate the generous offer of 
paying for 
this. Perhaps we should consider obtaining airline tickets with 
a proper refund 
policy that also covers demented staff? I await your reply. 
Thank you very much.
Best wishes,
Richard

Quoting "ELLIOTT, Julian" <Julian.ELLIOTT@notzstucki.com>:

> I second the motion.
> Get your ass over here so we can talk. I'll cover the costs 
(one last
> time...)
> Julian
> 
> -----Message d'origine-----
> De : erik@111.com [mailto:erik@111.com]
> Envoy  : jeudi, 30. octobre 2003 21:29
>   : rwarwick@croydononline.org; Julian.ELLIOTT@notzstucki.com
> Objet : RE: RE: Fancy an investment? :)
> 
> 
> Hi there, and welcome to the show.
> I have been succesfully defending this country for the last 
four days,
> and
> for the last time ever! They will now never bother me again.
> So, concerning your investment plan, Richard, I will need a 
lot more
> time,
> and since time is on your side, I suggest you come up with 
something
> credible at once. There have been many ideas, but in the last, 
say 4000
> years, I do not see anybody (except the Catholic Church), that 
has
> managed
> to convince a large number of investors to direct their funds 
into one
> specific pocket.
> 
> Fine-tune your project, hone the old bones and get over here 
so we can
> discuss al this around a meal, and some fine wine.
> 
> Ok?
> 
> Talk to you soon!
> Erik
> 
> 
> Votre Email Gratuit chez http://www.111.com/email/
> > 
> > --------L\'original du Message---------
> > De      :  <rwarwick@croydononline.org>, 
> > A       :  <Julian.ELLIOTT@notzstucki.com>, 
> > Date    : Thursday 30. October 2003 15:43:48
> > Sujet  : RE: Fancy an investment? :)
> > That would be fine Julian but I am online most of the time. 
You can
> e-mail me 
> > 1st and I will check tonight every half an hour if that 
suits you. If
> this does 
> > not suit you then maybe you would like to suggest something 
else? In
> any
> case, 
> > here is my terrestial \'phone number: 020 8239 7552 Sorry 
about that,
> but
> I 
> > desisted from using my mobile \'phone some time ago.
> > Best,
> > Richard
> > 
> > Quoting \"ELLIOTT, Julian\" <Julian.ELLIOTT@notzstucki.com>:
> > 
> > > tonight is no good. Email me your phone number and I will 
try you.
> > > Julian
> > > 
> > > -----Message d\'origine-----
> > > De : rwarwick@croydononline.org 
[mailto:rwarwick@croydononline.org]
> > > Envoy  : jeudi, 30. octobre 2003 09:39
> > >   : Julian.ELLIOTT@notzstucki.com
> > > Cc : rwarwick@croydononline.org
> > > Objet : RE: Fancy an investment? :)
> > > 
> > > 
> > > Hi Julian, I have tried to \'phone you in the evenings for 
a couple
> of
> > > times
> > > now 
> > > and I haven\'t been able to get through. When would there 
be a
> > > convenient
> > > time 
> > > to \'phone you? Would tonight be a good time? Thank you.
> > > Richard
> > > 
> > > Quoting rwarwick@croydononline.org:
> > > 
> > > > Yes it is Julian. :)
> > > > However, I stated to you that you are guaranteed your 
money back
> in
> > > > either 
> > > > case ..
> > > > Presently I am trying to get recruited as a computer 
programmer
> or
> > > else
> > > > in the 
> > > > police force (because of my exemplary i.e. non-existent 
police
> > > record)
> > > > I don\'t personally believe either will take very 
long ...
> > > > What say I \'phone you tonight to discuss this?
> > > > BTW the half a million Sterling would be the entire sum 
involved
> > > only.
> > > > Best Wishes,
> > > > Richard
> > > > 
> > > > Quoting \"ELLIOTT, Julian\" 
<Julian.ELLIOTT@notzstucki.com>:
> > > > 
> > > > > Dear Richard,
> > > > > Its going to take a bit more to get Sfr 5,000 out of 
me. But as
> I
> > > > have
> > > > > already paid Sfr 503.- for the easyJet tickets you 
didn\'t use,
> I
> > > > guess
> > > > > I
> > > > > have paid a 10% deposit. is that enough to know a bit 
more
> about
> > > the
> > > > > investment ?
> > > > > Julian
> > > > > 
> > > > > -----Message d\'origine-----
> > > > > De : rwarwick@croydononline.org
> [mailto:rwarwick@croydononline.org]
> > > > > Envoy  : mardi, 28. octobre 2003 16:21
> > > > >   : erik@111.com
> > > > > Cc : Julian.ELLIOTT@notzstucki.com
> > > > > Objet : Fancy an investment? :)
> > > > > 
> > > > > 
> > > > > Hi Erik!/(Julian)
> > > > > I\'ve thought about this at length and I have decided 
the
> following:
> > > > > 
> > > > > If you invested 1250 sfrs by example (and Julian about 
four
> times
> > > > this
> > > > > amount 
> > > > > or the equivalent in pounds Sterling) I shall offer 
you the
> > > following
> > > > > (provided 
> > > > > this amount is immediately transferred to my account - 
details
> to
> > > > follow
> > > > > if
> > > > > you 
> > > > > are in agreement):
> > > > > 
> > > > > (1) A stupendous R.O.I. - don\'t ask how much - a lot! 
Approx.
> Half
> > > a
> > > > > million
> > > > > 
> > > > > pounds Sterling and counting ...
> > > > > (2) Failure to acquire a R.O.I will automatically 
ensure
> yourselves
> > > > > your
> > > > > money 
> > > > > back given the rate of exchange in the future and 
given that
> this
> > > is
> > > > at
> > > > > a 
> > > > > future time when I am reasonably employed say as a 
computer
> > > > programmer.
> > > > > 
> > > > > You cannot therefore lose. The only manner you can 
lose in my
> > > opinion
> > > > is
> > > > > if
> > > > > the 
> > > > > investment falls through and you have to wait a few 
months say
> to
> > > > > regain
> > > > > your 
> > > > > capital. In my opinion this situation will never 
occur. I will
> be
> > > > > talking to
> > > > > 
> > > > > you later on the \'phone today of tomorrow. You must 
however on
> > > > agreement
> > > > > 
> > > > > verbally transfer money immediately. I am perfectly 
happy to
> write
> > > up
> > > > a
> > > > > formal 
> > > > > witnessed agreement too, simply because I do not mess 
people
> around
> > > > > with
> > > > > things 
> > > > > like this. Have a good one! :)
> > > > > 
> > > > > Richard
> > > > > 
> > > > > P.S. I am writing to EasyJet to try and acquire a 
refund for
> those
> > > > > tickets
> > > > > and 
> > > > > I hope to visit Geneva shortly.
> > > > > 
> > > > > DISCLAIMER:
> > > > > This email and any files transmitted with it are 
CONFIDENTIAL
> and
> > > > > intended
> > > > > solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom 
they are
> > > > > addressed.
> > > > > Any unauthorised copying, disclosure, or distribution 
of the
> > > material
> > > > > within
> > > > > this email is strictly forbidden.
> > > > > Any views or opinions presented within this e-mail are 
solely
> those
> > > > of
> > > > > the
> > > > > author and do not necessarily represent those of Notz, 
Stucki &
> Cie
> > > > > unless
> > > > > otherwise specifically stated.
> > > > > If you have received this email in error, please 
notify the
> sender
> > > > > immediately and delete the original.
> > > > > 
> > > > 
> > > 
> > > DISCLAIMER:
> > > This email and any files transmitted with it are 
CONFIDENTIAL and
> > > intended
> > > solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom 
they are
> > > addressed.
> > > Any unauthorised copying, disclosure, or distribution of 
the
> material
> > > within
> > > this email is strictly forbidden.
> > > Any views or opinions presented within this e-mail are 
solely those
> of
> > > the
> > > author and do not necessarily represent those of Notz, 
Stucki & Cie
> > > unless
> > > otherwise specifically stated.
> > > If you have received this email in error, please notify 
the sender
> > > immediately and delete the original.
> > > 
> > 
> > 
> 
> DISCLAIMER:
> This email and any files transmitted with it are CONFIDENTIAL 
and
> intended
> solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are
> addressed.
> Any unauthorised copying, disclosure, or distribution of the 
material
> within
> this email is strictly forbidden.
> Any views or opinions presented within this e-mail are solely 
those of
> the
> author and do not necessarily represent those of Notz, Stucki 
& Cie
> unless
> otherwise specifically stated.
> If you have received this email in error, please notify the 
sender
> immediately and delete the original.
> 


From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **> > > DISCLAIMER: > > > > > This email and any files transmitted with it are CONFIDENTIAL ...**
Date: Fri Oct 31 09:22:40 2003

Message:
LOL!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Fri Oct 31 09:26:17 2003

Message:
I confirm that the music is playing, my bank balance kinda sucks 
and that I will not have physical sex with any woman (on Earth) 
ever. Thanks! :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **HOW'S YOUR FINANCES OR I JUST TRASHED THE WHOLE LOT IN THE BIN I GUESS GOD RECKONS THEY DESERVE IT**
Date: Fri Oct 31 09:52:55 2003

Message:
... You can take the IVF thing and shove that too ...

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **BOOKSALE**
Date: Fri Oct 31 09:54:49 2003

Message:
"The Riddle of the Third Mile*
Author: Colin Dexter
1st U.K. edition, Macmillan 1983
Fine in like d/w. Original boards. Much less page browning than 
average. Small tear to dustwrapper on spine - about 0.5 cm 
without loss. Red is bright on spine. Not priceclipped (no price 
showing - 1st issue.) Signed by the previous owner beneath fore 
d/w on boards interior. Bidding starts at 100,000 U.S. dollars.
Bids to dravenport@yahoo.com or rwarwick@croydononline.org
I will announce when bidding closes shortly.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: **USAMA BIN LADEN**
Subject: **WHO'S FOR A PLAN "C" ?** :))
Date: Fri Oct 31 12:46:20 2003

Message:
Please display Concorde with its tail end sticking out of the 
Houses of Parliament.
Thank you.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Have you noticed?
They're so concerned about it that they're removing the fuel 
tanks tomorrow. :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **I DON'T GIVE A XXXX FOR YOUR MONEY BUT HERE"S ANOTHER FREEBIE**
Date: Fri Oct 31 12:48:45 2003

Message:
(1) Australia was the first continent to emerge out of the ocean 
during the primordial History of the Earth. Proof: it has the 
oldest rock formations.
(2) Genetically, the oldest race in the world are the 
aborigines - therefore we propose that the origin of Man 
occurred in Australia [and/or Tasmania] and that the 
archeologists should be checking for our evolutionary history 
there rather than say Olduvai Gorge in Kenya.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **I DON'T GIVE A XXXX FOR YOUR MONEY BUT HERE'S ANOTHER FREEBIE - AND HERE'S ANOTHER!!** LOL!!
Date: Fri Oct 31 12:57:26 2003

Message:
(3) Why would Man originate on the oldest continent? You cannot 
say that Man is as old as the continent itself but you can say 
that it was upon this continent where life flourished first and 
that the conditions were in this way favourable for this 
evolutionary leap.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **JODIE FOSTER**
Date: Fri Oct 31 18:28:29 2003

Message:
Pull yourself together. Get your life back in order and I will 
see what I can do for you at a later date. In the meantime try 
and listen to some of the advice that qualified people are 
offering you. In my opinion you don't understand the situation 
properly - so I say give it time and assume nothing.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **ON A LIGHTER NOTE ... **
Date: Fri Oct 31 18:31:18 2003

Message:
So here was Jodie talking to Sarah Matravers a few days ago in 
the morning. "The new Jesus is up there in the flat above and 
I'm marrying him - he's a single stud." LMAO
[I guess she little realised at the time that Sarah Matravers 
has been married to me for years.]
"Now I want you to stay here" continues Jodie, I'm just going to 
go to Holland today to get some L.S.D. for my C.J.D. cure 
because He's being so slow with the cure."
And with that she was there and back in ten minutes flat ... :)
"Actually, I've decided not to go ....... " LOL!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **IN CONCLUSION JODIE**
Date: Fri Oct 31 19:00:02 2003

Message:
I have been talking to Demi Moore today and it is her best 
opinion according to the information she has that you are 
currently in hospital. However, even though she doesn't know you 
too well she would like to offer you this advice: don't try and 
rush things - maybe in about a year you will have been able to 
get over your problems enough that you could offer your talent 
to do something really useful. Many people are extremely upset 
that this has happened to a Hollywood great and finally she 
hopes that you will get better sooner rather than later and that 
it will hopefully be less than a year - but that is the kind of 
timeframe. I agree too.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **HOMINIDS**
Date: Fri Oct 31 19:24:09 2003

Message:
Where would you dig for them? Near a river. Frankly I am not 
prepared to be more specific because I am so completely sick to 
death of people unprepared to pay me money. Now you 
archeologists know the account number and I invite you to 
arrange things so that it gets credited with about ten thousand 
pounds. Why don't you people grow up and realise that I am 
typing this up on the internet because I know beyond all doubt 
that if I approached a publishing company for an offer all they 
would do is LIE about getting back to me later. Quit being 
deniers. Stop acting like you are 5 years old and get to it. Now!

From:
To:
Subject: **TIME TO HANG YOUR HEADS**
Date: Fri Oct 31 19:30:24 2003

Message:
Gavin Esler of Newsnight said he placed 20,000 pounds into my 
account. I asked him to confirm. He lied. He did this apparently 
because he hoped that this "would make me feel better" until the 
money really did show up ...
Then there was that recent business with the medical research 
grant.
Jon Snow took it upon himself to enter the room where Jodie 
Foster was mutually masturbating (yes well I don't care 
admitting it because I think my ego is just fine thanks 
and "negative publicity" has assumed a whole new meaning) 
Motive? Because I am so jealous. Jodie's response? Well at least 
you admit it. I think the behaviour is fucking revolting.
Sarah Smith of Channel 4 News also likes nothing better than 
getting on the intercom and saying things like "Richard is the 
new messiah - He is just SO pissed off about his finances ...*
She keeps doing this and I hate it and hate her. I tried to 
arrange an interview but they keep coming up with this crap 
about how "they are not that kind of reporters."
There are MANY MANY other similiar instances - I'll list more 
later. No solictor would ever touch it with a barge pole because 
they know it's true.
I suppose this leads us to Fleet Street and right now I am 
ordering you to keep only the very best couple of percent of the 
photos and to destroy the rest. Retain ALL of the negatives 
though please for my later perusal.
I want all "pornographic style" photos and other archive 
destroyed. I value my privacy and had this thrust upon me by 
maniacs. 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **TIME TO HANG YOUR HEADS**
Date: Fri Oct 31 19:42:39 2003

Message:
Yes I wrote that.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **WE HAVE JODIE OFF AS A DOUBLE MURDERER AND MYSELF AS SERIAL - IT WAS THE ONLY WAY SHE WOULD ACCEPT THAT SHE WOULD EVER MARRY ONE ONLY TO FIND I AM MARRIED ALREADY BUT WE ARE BUYING HER OFF AND THAT I MIGHT STILL BE GOING ON THE SPACE SHIP AND HMMM THAT MAKES SARAH A BIGAMIST BUT LO AND BEHOLD SHE IS RECENTLY DIVORCED ... ** :))
Date: Fri Oct 31 19:43:17 2003

Message:
President George Bush was crucified for lying about getting me a 
million pounds. I just could not get him off the premises no 
matter how hard I tried. It was fucking nuts - Croydon Council 
turf wars. Jodie SIMULATED having sex with him when he popped 
back 5 minutes later at about 2:30 AM after it had just taken 
hours to get rid of him ...
Prime Minister Tony Blair I had shot [and we did use the tarot 
card] because I considered it to be the final straw when he 
suggested to Jodie that he would have her raped ...
Why Jodie? She came over with the President because of all that 
Hinckley business while she was in Yale. By the way, she 
informed me that the guy seemed pretty keen on murdering her too 
so so much for all that love interest crap. You've got to be 
really freakin' insane if you think you're going to impress a 
woman by that kind of action.

From:
To: Richard Warwick Nixon
Date: Fri Oct 31 20:05:10 2003

Message:
Nope, I meant "perp. As for real murders, well, we all need a 
hobby.              

From:
To:
Date: Fri Oct 31 20:07:52 2003

Message:
Jodie Foster murdered herself for the insurance money.         

From:
To: His Excellency Lord Zig Zag
Date: Fri Oct 31 20:09:09 2003

Message:
British ale sucks. How, then, did you manage to get so pissed?    
           

From:
To:
Date: Fri Oct 31 20:11:30 2003

Message:
Heading out to a Halloween party. Going as Richard Warwick. Damn, 
I've lost my pocket protector...            

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Fri Oct 31 21:00:47 2003

Message:
British ale sucks. How, then, did you manage to get so 
pissed?    
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Though quite a bit of it does I have to refute this statement 
because some of it is very high quality.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **CROYDON POLICE OR BETTER THAN THE INSULT -- THIS TIME ROUND - - THIS TIME ROUND - - THIS TIME ROUND - - THIS TIME ROUND -- **
Date: Sat Nov 1 06:09:59 2003

Message:
Thank you for your prompt reaction. I do not "cry wolf" and as 
you know I do not call you too often. Last night I was more 
concerned by the safety of others rather than myself and if you 
want the true motive it is simply that people thought that the 
best way of ascertaining whether the likes of Demi Moore was in 
the flat below was to bang on it and shout at 3 in the 
morning ...

I do hope that your superiors will get on with it and send the 
formal documentation but in the meantime engage a spy or two 
more and you could possibly crack crime. Myself? I tire of 
unpaid activities but acknowledge the insanity of the situation, 
for example by considering that motive of last night - I expect 
you understand why I didn't want to repeat it to you at the time.

From:
To:
Date: Sat Nov 1 06:17:30 2003

Message:
"was to bang on it" I.E. door

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **LETTER EXCERPT NUMBER ONE OR BOOKDEALERS YOU'RE DEAD!!!**
Date: Sat Nov 1 06:18:29 2003

Message:
"............. To this let me add that though for example I 
possess books that are worth a fortune, there is really no point 
selling them if I am going to be offered a pittance or nothing 
for them. I'll leave it to you to judge why it could be that 
book dealers would wish to act in this way - I already have a 
fairly solid opinion. ........... You and I know perfectly well 
that "people should but their money where their mouth is" and 
that though verbal agreements can stand as legal perogatives, 
documentation is a whole lot better. In the meantime I continue 
to endeavour to find ways by which I can assure cash flow and I 
am trying to get contract software work by example for I cannot 
assume that I am ............ I believe that eventually people 
will understand the misappropriateness of their actions and that 
some will choose to act in a manner that is slightly more 
befitting. In the meantime, .............. "

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To: **ASSHOLES**
Subject: **DROP INTO HELL!!!**
Date: Sat Nov 1 06:56:41 2003

Message:
I have seen *The Cecil Court and Charing Cross Road* we don't 
want your stinking 2nd hand books no more - and we have contract
(??LOL!!) killings on you* effect!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **DID HEADS TRULY ROLL AT BLOOMSBURY?**
Date: Sat Nov 1 07:02:46 2003

Message:
Just wrapping up these fuckers: there are a few other dealers 
and auctioneers. Let us take up the case of a couple of shops 
around Notting Hill for example. Though I enjoyed and hope to 
continue to enjoy collecting "first editions" in the future - I 
think I shall plan private sales and have nothing to do with 
those people in the future. As we know they are financially sunk 
with no recourse for action and at the end of the day if Hell 
awaits them then it is entirely deserved in my opinion - and yes 
it is true.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Sat Nov 1 07:08:21 2003

Message:
The dumbfounded assistants at Bell Book & Radnall & Nigel 
Williams do in my opinion survive. The rest of you are off to 
Hell. Die! :)

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sat Nov 1 07:11:35 2003

Message:
I have seen the *there might be a few exceptions -- get out 
quick choose another industry* effect!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **I HAVE A VERY SIMPLE SOLUTION FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU**
Date: Sat Nov 1 07:14:53 2003

Message:
What ultimately is the motive of these bookdealers? These 
fuckers know that I am the new Jesus and they thought the very 
best thing to do was to refuse to purchase because their idea of 
fun was to ensure that I remained without finances AT ALL!!
(I suppose if you end up walking back to Croydon then you end up 
walking back to Croydon ......)
I remember some fucking blonde bitch on her mobile saying "They 
know He is the new Jesus. He has absolutely no money - He might 
as well walk around town all night long - nobody is going to 
give Him any money ..."
Yeah babe! Rot in Hell! :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **THE TRUTH IS SICK BUT SO ARE THOSE SICK FUCKERS**
Date: Sat Nov 1 07:32:30 2003

Message:
So what really was going on behind the scenes? There was mass 
collusion and meetings between book dealers and the way they 
should act if say I showed up to sell books [a few months ago.] 
It is therefore not acceptable that an argument should be 
proposed "that they simply misunderstood the situation." I think 
that to determine your own particular dropping off point is to 
examine your own particular actions your candidature or non-
candidature for such meetings and realise that there is no 
recourse for forgiveness whatsoever.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: **ROYAL MAIL POSTAL STRIKE**
Subject: **THE CZECH IS IN THE MALE**
Date: Sat Nov 1 07:42:15 2003

Message:
Do you see how you have lost the sympathy vote?
You better sign that agreement because there is no way out of 
this and you can only lose ...
You can take my advice or leave it - I really don't care too 
much.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **I HAD HER DOWN AS AUSTRIAN AND HER OWN FATHER**
Date: Sat Nov 1 08:04:31 2003

Message:
http://www.geocities.com/EnchantedForest/Glade/8905/page10.html

Today's link for the disinterested & bored.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: **WHITGIFT SECURITY ASSHOLES**
Date: Sat Nov 1 17:10:51 2003

Message:
I'm just wondering what it feels like to know that everybody 
thinks you're shit - that amongst your midst are guards that 
like stabbing young women and then blaming me. I will see to it 
that you are named and shamed publicly at a later date to be 
sure that nobody employs you or wants your self-employment 
efforts either [provided you live - yes, watch out for the lynch 
mob.]

By the way, your motive for all you fucking clowns making me 
leave the Whitgift centre sucks *This is private property.*

Do you realise furthermore that I had just given a rough sleeper 
a pound and at the time was trying to advise a lady how she 
could talk to management ...

That's it. You suck ass forever and ever. Amen.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **MANY WERE THE TIMES LAST NOVEMBER WHEN I USED TO SIT ON CRYSTAL PALACE HILL AT THE FREE FIREWORK DISPLAYS AND MUNCH CRISPS AND ALSO WITH A CAN OF BEER**
Date: Sat Nov 1 17:16:07 2003

Message:
If we could reserve all of the fireworks for bonfire night less 
people would be annoyed - so please have a thought for others. 
Also I am concerned by the potential effect on your pets because 
the ears of dogs say, are extremely sensitive. 
I'd prefer that young people do not use firecrackers at all. I 
suppose that if they are that keen to burn themselves they could 
try something like sparklers.

If you are interested then try and find out the temperature of a 
burning sparkler - you might be extremely surprised.

From:
To:
Date: Sat Nov 1 17:22:26 2003

Message:
... AND LOOK AT THE FREE ...

From:
To:
Date: Sat Nov 1 17:22:26 2003

Message:
... AND LOOK AT THE FREE ...

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **FURTHER**
Date: Sat Nov 1 17:23:09 2003

Message:
Yes. Keep the pets indoors.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **WHITGIFT SECURITY ASSHOLES**
Date: Sat Nov 1 17:24:18 2003

Message:
I'm just wondering what it feels like to know that everybody 
thinks you're shit - that amongst your midst are guards that 
like stabbing young women and then blaming me. I will see to it 
that you are named and shamed publicly at a later date to be 
sure that nobody employs you or wants your self-employment 
efforts either [provided you live - yes, watch out for the lynch 
mob.]

By the way, your motive for all you fucking clowns making me 
leave the Whitgift centre sucks *This is private property.*

Do you realise furthermore that I had just given a rough sleeper 
a pound and at the time was trying to advise a lady how she 
could talk to management ...

That's it. You suck ass forever and ever. Amen.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Those INVOLVED. There seems to be AT LEAST 7 of them.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **The Crucifixion Specialists are currently busy. The pay sucks but somebody gotta do it ... ** :)
Date: Sat Nov 1 19:14:37 2003

Message:
I'm just wondering what it feels like to know that everybody 
thinks you're shit - that amongst your midst are guards that 
like stabbing young women and then blaming me. I will see to it 
that you are named and shamed publicly at a later date to be 
sure that nobody employs you or wants your self-employment 
efforts either [provided you live - yes, watch out for the lynch 
mob.]

By the way, your motive for all you fucking clowns making me 
leave the Whitgift centre sucks *This is private property.*

Do you realise furthermore that I had just given a rough sleeper 
a pound and at the time was trying to advise a lady how she 
could talk to management ...

That's it. You suck ass forever and ever. Amen.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Those INVOLVED. There seems to be AT LEAST 7 of them.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
LMAO you little runt losers!! LOL!! Who employed the lesbian BTW?
Let's nail her up in the middle and as usual employ the H.O.T. 
motif - very original I think - but if it's 21st Century 
crucifixions that you want then gee whizz it's 21st Century 
crucifixions that you got. 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **HELL IS A LONG WAY TO DROP**
Date: Sat Nov 1 19:18:01 2003

Message:
I'm just wondering what it feels like to know that everybody 
thinks you're shit - that amongst your midst are guards that 
like stabbing young women and then blaming me. I will see to it 
that you are named and shamed publicly at a later date to be 
sure that nobody employs you or wants your self-employment 
efforts either [provided you live - yes, watch out for the lynch 
mob.]

By the way, your motive for all you fucking clowns making me 
leave the Whitgift centre sucks *This is private property.*

Do you realise furthermore that I had just given a rough sleeper 
a pound and at the time was trying to advise a lady how she 
could talk to management ...

That's it. You suck ass forever and ever. Amen.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Those INVOLVED. There seems to be AT LEAST 7 of them.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
LMAO you little runt losers!! LOL!! Who employed the lesbian BTW?
Let's nail her up in the middle and as usual employ the H.O.T. 
motif - very original I think - but if it's 21st Century 
crucifixions that you want then gee whizz it's 21st Century 
crucifixions that you got. 
-----------------------------------------------------------------
So I guess it is post mortem naming and shaming?

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **I AM HERE TO PLEASE AND APPROPRIATELY REWARD YOU**
Date: Sat Nov 1 19:24:45 2003

Message:
I'm just wondering what it feels like to know that everybody 
thinks you're shit - that amongst your midst are guards that 
like stabbing young women and then blaming me. I will see to it 
that you are named and shamed publicly at a later date to be 
sure that nobody employs you or wants your self-employment 
efforts either [provided you live - yes, watch out for the lynch 
mob.]

By the way, your motive for all you fucking clowns making me 
leave the Whitgift centre sucks *This is private property.*

Do you realise furthermore that I had just given a rough sleeper 
a pound and at the time was trying to advise a lady how she 
could talk to management ...

That's it. You suck ass forever and ever. Amen.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Those INVOLVED. There seems to be AT LEAST 7 of them.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
LMAO you little runt losers!! LOL!! Who employed the lesbian BTW?
Let's nail her up in the middle and as usual employ the H.O.T. 
motif - very original I think - but if it's 21st Century 
crucifixions that you want then gee whizz it's 21st Century 
crucifixions that you got. 
-----------------------------------------------------------------
So I guess it is post mortem naming and shaming?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
So who wants to go next? :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: **WHITGIFT SECURITY DREAM TEAM**
Subject: **LET'S ALL COLLECTIVELY SEE HOW FAR WE CAN FUCK YOU INTO HELL!!** :)
Date: Sat Nov 1 19:28:23 2003

Message:
ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT 
IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN 
HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL 
WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH 
YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVII!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR 
DEVIL!! ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL!! 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **ON A LIGHTER NOTE ... **
Date: Sat Nov 1 19:37:37 2003

Message:
The opening section of Jodie's love letter: [she had the stamp, 
address, everything - just hadn't sent it. Kept saying she had a 
gun so got the Police to check it out.]

"If you do not marry me I will kill you ... " LOL!!

To cut a long story short, it was read out with Jodie fuming in 
the background because the very night before I got her put into 
a straitjacket because of that suicide watch thing. :)

"Okay! Okay! Laugh away! Go on then! Fuck me up!" LOL!!

The other part of the letter appeared to concern how she knew 
the mob and how a couple of those boys were going to rough me 
up ... :)

Maybe I am wrong. It is security. Yes! That's it! Security. She 
knows a couple of security people for some actor or other [I 
guess not Liam Neeson] and at her bequest they are going to 
kidnap me and kill me?

In any case it was an amusing letter for some and I prefer the 
letters without the anthrax too ...

I didn't mean to say "In any case it was an amusing letter for 
some and I prefer the anthrax letters without the anthrax 
too ..." I corrected it just in time.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **Note that even though we deal with NT 4.0 Server - the extended ASCII codes shall differ depending on whether we are running Windows or some form of DOS or other ... **
Date: Sat Nov 1 20:15:26 2003

Message:
This is VB 6.0. Follow the instructions I gave for the earlier 
code.

VERSION 5.00
Begin VB.Form Form1 
   Caption         =   "Get ASCII codes"
   ClientHeight    =   4545
   ClientLeft      =   60
   ClientTop       =   360
   ClientWidth     =   6780
   LinkTopic       =   "Form1"
   ScaleHeight     =   4545
   ScaleWidth      =   6780
   StartUpPosition =   3  'Windows Default
   Begin VB.TextBox Text1 
      Height          =   4095
      Left            =   360
      MultiLine       =   -1  'True
      TabIndex        =   0
      Top             =   120
      Width           =   5895
   End
End
Attribute VB_Name = "Form1"
Attribute VB_GlobalNameSpace = False
Attribute VB_Creatable = False
Attribute VB_PredeclaredId = True
Attribute VB_Exposed = False
Option Explicit

Private Sub Form_Load()
Dim str As String
Dim i As Integer

' NB we start at 32 because the codes before this are for 
controlling
' things like the system speaker and are not display codes
For i = 32 To 255
  str = str & i & "," & Chr(i) & "  "
Next


Here is a QBASIC version. [If you have Win 98 or similiar then 
try running qbasic at the command prompt - or rather, click 
Start->Run and then type qbasic.exe. Ideally one would locate 
the file with Find ... create a shortcut on the desktop, right 
click on this and choose "Screen" from the tag options and then 
ensure that you get the full screen.]

CLS
DIM str
DIM i

FOR i = 32 TO 255
PRINT i;
PRINT ",";
PRINT CHR$(i);
PRINT " ";
NEXT i

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **HI BILL. HOW DO WE FIX THE VIRUSES??? ANSWER ON THE BACK OF A CIGARETTE PACK PLZ." ;)
Date: Sat Nov 1 20:39:02 2003

Message:
By the way, Qbasic will run on a Windows 2000 and XP platform. 
The two files required are Qbasic.exe and Qbasic.hlp. Keep them 
in the same directory. Keep Bill amused. Email them across. If 
you think Qbasic is good just wait till you see the hacked up 
versions of Quickbasic which supposedly contain a compiler ...

From: James
To: the world, because they need to here it
Subject: PLEASE KEEP AN OPEN MIND, WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND IF WE WANT TO CHANGE
Date: Thu Nov 1 21:22:00 2001

Message:
I have not been watching this site before and only visited it 
for the first time today, i am 16 years old and i live in 
australia (and im sorry that my country took part in the fake 
war on iraq, i promise i was at most of the protests) weapons 
of mass destruction my ass :(......any way, the important thing 
is that as the youth grow older we need to be show the truth. 
ONE MANS TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MANS FREEDOM FIGHTER. im not 
saying that killing 3000 americans was a good thing, i was also 
appaled at that act, but if you look at the facts..... 3000 
americans have died......9000 iraq citizins and not to mention 
the amount of injured and handicapted people have been caused 
by the so called "accurate bombings." The propergander of the 
american goverment needs to be adressed. PLEASE KEEP AN OPEN 
MIND!! im sorry an i apoligize for all american people and 
australian people who condem the citezens of other cultures who 
are looking to make peace between cultures......you are true 
heros.....please dont stop trying becasue you are the greatest 
people alive. I will try with the remander of my life to do the 
same. I am currently doing a report about the acts of terrorism 
that american portrays on the rest of the world and am appauled 
that they dont get more publisity! 384 schools have been bombed 
(48 of which were kindergatens) in iraq alone :( that would be 
all the schools in sydney destoryed and all the childern 
killed :( what did they do to deserve that? so try to 
understand the acts of terrorism by other nations. 

PEACE LOVE AND HAPPNIESS

these are the most important things in life....nothing 
else....if we can belive in these and find commmon ground then 
we can achive a better world. 

PLEASE KEEP TRYING TO FIND PEACE.....WE WILL ALL BE LISTING


From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **CORRECTION**
Date: Sat Nov 1 20:48:20 2003

Message:
... str = str & i & "," & Chr(i) & "  "
Next ...

Should read:

... str = str & i & "," & Chr(i) & "  "
Next 

Text1 = str

End Sub

I have no idea why those lines are missing.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Sat Nov 1 20:54:27 2003

Message:
Peace yes. Is this a VB keyword? I'd do the C++ stunt but that 
could cause problems.

I know the solution!! :))
 
I know! I know!

Modula-2!! That's it!! Modula-2!! :)

From: SpeedBall Tucker
To: James
Subject: You belong in special ed. - you're a dumbfuck
Date: Sat Nov 1 21:38:19 2003

Message:
and a fucking masturbating liar.

"I have not been watching this site before and only visited it 
for the first time today,"

THIS IS THE RICHARD WARWICK WEBLOG YOU FUCKING RETARD, NOW LEAVE 
SO RICHARD CAN CONTINUE TO TALK TO HIMSELF IN >PEACE.<




From: SpeedBall Tucker
To: Warwick, Dick
Subject: UR a sick FUCK_ROT IN HELL!
Date: Sat Nov 1 23:51:14 2003

Message:
Trick-or-treaters handed pills, dog food

A cluster of London parents suffered through a real-life 
Halloween horror last night when a neighbour handed out pills 
and dog food to trick-or-treaters. A 19-year-old man was 
arrested after dishing out sample-size packets of Tylenol and 
Motrin, an over-the-counter pain reliever, at a townhouse 
complex at 1000 Southdale Rd. E. and London police warned all 
parents to check the candy of children who visited that area. 

Images of apples laced with razor blades and other harrowing 
Halloween horror stories flashed through parent Susan 
Slaughter's mind when two pre-teen boys warned her about the 
offerings. 

The boys went door-to-door warning parents about the drugs and 
dog food, she said. 

"I've never actually experienced . . . the terror of wondering," 
she said of her frantic search through the bags of her two kids, 
ages eight and nine. 

"We were yelling, 'Check the bags, check the bags now.' When 
you're giving a child an adult's dose of any medicine, you're 
risking their life," she said. 

London police were delayed in laying a specific charge because 
they were unsure what would be most appropriate. A Crown 
attorney was contacted last night to help find the proper one, 
Sgt. Dean Lees said. 

Though some neighbourhood parents thought the delay showed a 
lack of concern, Lees said police are taking it seriously. 

"That is criminally negligent behaviour, giving medicine of any 
kind to children on Halloween night," he said. "It's certainly a 
dangerous thing to do. Think of the possibilities -- children 
believe it's candy." 

The pills were clearly marked, police said. Parents said the man 
also passed out easy-to-open cans of dog food. 

Though police believe none of the kids ate the pills, that 
didn't lessen the scare to Shannon Crossman, who visited homes 
with her four-year-old son. 

"(Those responsible) think it's funny, but it's not," she 
said. "We're all friends here, we look out for each other. 
(This) takes away from the fun and excitement of the evening. 
One person ruined the whole night." 

All agreed, however, the two boys who warned parents helped 
avert a potential disaster. 

"They deserve a big thank-you," Slaughter said. "They really 
deserve kudos." 

Copyright   The London Free Press 2001,2002,2003

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **UR a sick FUCK_ROT IN HELL! **
Date: Sun Nov 2 05:42:53 2003

Message:
You know I don't think Jesus can rot in Hell. However, I think 
YOU can provided you deserve it. Talk like that probably means 
you do but don't say I didn't warn you ...

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **You belong in special ed. - you're a dumbfuck**
Date: Sun Nov 2 05:45:24 2003

Message:
and a fucking masturbating liar.

"I have not been watching this site before and only visited it 
for the first time today,"

THIS IS THE RICHARD WARWICK WEBLOG YOU FUCKING RETARD, NOW LEAVE 
SO RICHARD CAN CONTINUE TO TALK TO HIMSELF IN >PEACE.<
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Are you a Whitgift security guard? They all blew themselves to 
Hell pretty much. That's my best opinion. Now. Why don't you get 
busy eating your already twice regurgitated vomit you sick 
little fuck?

From: Richard Warwick
To:
Subject: **TOMORROW I WILL SIGN ON AGAIN**
Date: Sun Nov 2 15:13:52 2003

Message:
People of Britain.
Do you read English?
Well I hate to spoil your fun but it is hard to think of 
anything less Christian than failing to pay the founder a decent 
salary.
You people are just too much. I keep going into depressed moods 
over this - I just can't believe that people can be so crass and 
insensitive.
As for the Police role, though it was verbally confirmed a few 
days back I have heard nothing since.
Maybe those people from the hospital will find someone sane 
enough to arrange something - I asked them months ago for a 
bursary.
Jesus with a Cardcash account?
How the Hell are you ever going to live it down?????

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **THE FRENCH GOVERNMENT ARE DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DEATH OF PRINCESS DIANA**
Date: Sun Nov 2 19:20:36 2003

Message:
I declare the monarchy dissolved.
I appreciate what you have done but I think you should retire 
now.
Who is to blame for the Death of Princess Diana?
First of all I needed to get the denial from Al Fayed.
[I did not directly blame him but had to be certain that nobody 
serving under him was directly responsible.]
It became clear to me then that the blame lay with the French 
Government.
I decided that Jacques Chirac was at least a good starting point.
It took him no time at all to blame Francois Mitterand who is 
dead ...
In any case the actual mechanism involved carbon monoxide 
poisoning within the car.
Checks are being carried out presently on the car remains to try 
and confirm this.

From: SpeedBall Tucker
To: HELEN OF TROY
Date: Sun Nov 2 23:43:37 2003

Message:
Nah, the fuckin butler did it. Then again, pretty much everybody 
was DOING HER the last year and continues to DO HER to this day.

From: Teacher
To: U.S.
Subject: Americans get their asses smacked down!
Date: Mon Nov 3 00:21:57 2003

Message:
Top News
       Sunday, Nov. 2, 2003 
       Iraq Copter Shooting Kills 16 U.S. Troops
                                                                 
                       

        
        
        FALLUJAH, Iraq (AP) - Targeting Americans with new 
audacity,
        insurgents hiding in a date palm grove shot down a 
Chinook
        helicopter carrying dozens of soldiers heading for home 
leave
        Sunday, killing 16 and wounding 20 in the deadliest 
strike against
        U.S. forces since they invaded Iraq in March.

        Witnesses said the attackers used missiles - a sign of 
the
        increasing sophistication of Iraq's elusive anti-U.S. 
fighters.

        Three other Americans were killed in separate attacks 
Sunday,
        including one 1st Armored Division soldier in Baghdad and 
two U.S.
        civilians working for the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers in 
Fallujah.
        All three were victims of roadside bombs, the military 
said.

        About 18 of the wounded soldiers were scheduled to arrive 
at
        Rammstein Air Base in Germany on Monday, spokesman Maj. 
Mike Young
        said. They were to be brought to the nearby Landstuhl 
Medical
        Center for treatment. Although there were no details of 
their
        condition, generally only the seriously injured are 
transferred to
        Landstuhl.

        Sunday's death toll was the highest for American troops 
since
        March 23 - the first week of the invasion that ousted 
Saddam
        Hussein - and the attack represented a major escalation 
in the
        campaign to drive the U.S.-led coalition out of the 
country.

        The giant helicopter was ferrying the soldiers on their 
way for
        leave outside Iraq when two missiles streaked into the 
sky and
        slammed into the rear of the aircraft, witnesses told The
        Associated Press. It crashed in flames in farmers' fields 
west of
        Baghdad.

        ``It's clearly a tragic day for America,'' Defense 
Secretary
        Donald H. Rumsfeld said in Washington. ``In a long, hard 
war, we're
        going to have tragic days. But they're necessary. They're 
part of a
        war that's difficult and complicated.''

        Like past attacks on U.S. forces and a string of suicide
        bombings that killed dozens in Baghdad the past week, 
U.S.
        coalition officials blamed either Saddam loyalists or 
foreign
        fighters for the strike outside Fallujah, a center of 
Sunni Muslim
        resistance to the U.S. occupation.

        President Bush, who was at his Texas ranch Sunday, 
refused to
        personally comment on the attacks. He spent the day out 
of public
        view - a ``down'' day between campaign appearances 
Saturday and
        Monday.

        L. Paul Bremer, the head of the occupation in Iraq, 
repeated
        demands that Syria and Iran prevent fighters from 
crossing their
        borders into Iraq.

        ``They could do a much better job of helping us seal that 
border
        and keeping terrorist out of Iraq,'' he told CNN. The 
``enemies of
        freedom'' in Iraq ``are using more sophisticated 
techniques to
        attack our forces.''

        U.S. officials have been warning of the danger of 
shoulder-fired
        missiles, thousands of which are now scattered from 
Saddam's
        arsenals, and such missiles are believed to have downed 
two U.S.
        copters since May 1. Those two crashes - of smaller 
helicopters -
        wounded only one American.

        The loaded-down Chinook was a dramatic new target. The
        insurgents have been steadily advancing in their 
weaponry, first
        using homemade roadside bombs, then rocket-fired grenades 
in
        ambushes on American patrols, and vehicles stuffed with 
explosives
        and detonated by suicide attackers.

        In the fields south of Fallujah, some villagers proudly 
showed
        off blackened pieces of the Chinook's wreckage to 
arriving
        reporters.

        Though a few villagers tried to help, many celebrated 
word of
        the helicopter downing, as well as a fresh attack on U.S. 
soldiers
        in Fallujah itself. Two American civilians working under 
contract
        for the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers were killed and one 
was
        injured in the explosion of a roadside bomb, the military 
said.

        ``This was a new lesson from the resistance, a lesson to 
the
        greedy aggressors,'' one Fallujah resident, who would not 
give his
        name, said of the helicopter downing. ``They'll never be 
safe until
        they get out of our country,'' he said of the Americans.

        The downed copter was one of two Chinooks flying out in
        formation from an air base in Habbaniyah, about 10 miles 
from the
        crash site, carrying troops to Baghdad on route for rest 
and
        recreation - R&R.

        The missiles seemed to have been fired from a palm grove 
about
        500 yards away, Thaer Ali, 21, said. At least one hit the 
Chinook,
        which came down in a field in the farming village of 
Hasai, a few
        miles south of Fallujah, witnesses said.

        The missiles flashed toward the helicopter from the rear, 
as
        usual with heat-seeking ground-fired missiles. The most 
common
        model in the former Iraqi army inventory was the 
Russian-made SA-7,
        also known as Strelas.

        Hours later, thick smoke rose from the blackened, 
smoldering
        hulk as U.S. soldiers swarmed over the crash site, 
evacuating the
        injured, retrieving evidence and cordoning off the area.

        Yassin Mohamed said he heard the explosion and ran out of 
his
        house, a half-mile away.

        ``I saw the helicopter burning. I ran toward it because I 
wanted
        to help put out the fire, but couldn't get near because 
of American
        soldiers,'' he said.

        The U.S. military would not confirm that the aircraft was 
struck
        by a missile, but a spokesman, Col. William Darley, said 
witnesses
        reported seeing ``missile trails.''

        In Baghdad, Darley said the CH-47 helicopter belonged to 
the
        12th Aviation Brigade, a Germany-based unit that supports 
the 82nd
        Airborne Division Task Force operating west of Baghdad.

        The two Chinooks were carrying a total of more than 50
        passengers to the U.S. base at Baghdad International 
Airport, from
        which they were to fly out on leave, U.S. officials said. 
Darley
        said some of the casualties were from medical units, but 
officials
        did not provide a breakdown of their units.

        A spokesman at Fort Carson, Colo., said the Chinooks were
        carrying soldiers from Fort Carson; Fort Sill, Okla.; 
Fort
        Campbell, Ky.; and Fort Hood, Texas.

        Lt. Col. Thomas Budzyna said some Fort Carson troops were 
among
        the injured but he did not know the units or bases of the 
other
        casualties.

        ``Many were looking forward to a break in the action,'' 
Budzyna
        said. ``Unfortunately, they faced something else.''

        The Pentagon announced Friday it was expanding the rest 
and
        recreation leave program for troops in Iraq. As of 
Sunday, it said,
        the number of soldiers departing daily to the United 
States via a
        transit facility in neighboring Kuwait would be increased 
from 280
        to 480.

        Fallujah lies in the so-called ``Sunni Triangle,'' a 
region
        north and west of Baghdad were most attacks on American 
forces have
        taken place. The downing and the soldier's death in 
Baghdad brought
        to at least 139 the number of American soldiers killed by 
hostile
        fire since President Bush declared an end to combat on 
May 1.

        Around 377 U.S. service members have died since the 
beginning of
        military operations in Iraq.

        The death toll Sunday surpasses one of the deadliest 
single
        attacks during the Iraq war: the March 23 ambush of the 
507th
        Maintenance Company, in which 11 soldiers were killed, 
nine were
        wounded and seven captured, including Pfc. Jessica Lynch. 
A total
        of 28 Americans around Iraq - including the casualties 
from the
        ambush - died on that day, the deadliest for U.S. troops 
during the
        Iraq war.

        Meanwhile, in Abu Ghraib on Baghdad's western edge, U.S. 
troops
        clashed with townspeople Sunday. Local Iraqis said U.S. 
troops
        arrived in the morning and ordered people to disperse 
from the
        marketplace. Someone then tossed a grenade at the 
Americans, who
        opened fire, witnesses said.

        The newest deaths capped a week of extraordinary carnage 
in and
        around Baghdad. On Oct. 26, a rocket slammed into a hotel 
housing
        hundreds of coalition staffers, killing one and injuring 
15.

        A day later, four coordinated suicide bombings in Baghdad 
killed
        three dozen people and wounded more than 200. Daily 
attacks against
        U.S. forces have increased in the last three weeks from 
an average
        of the mid-20s to 33.      

From: Laughing at America
To: Teacher
Date: Mon Nov 3 00:25:14 2003

Message:
Yes, it seems as though the only things americans are good at are 
blowing up shuttlecraft, and sky diving out of tall buildings.

From: Headmaster
To: Teacher
Subject: I've smacked your ass down
Date: Mon Nov 3 00:42:59 2003

Message:
Hey Teach,

  The fact is that approx. 90% of the Iraqi people want America 
to help them to set up their own democracy, and THEN for America 
to leave the area. The fact is that in war, all sides will have 
the occasional setback. Your post has revealed you for the 
mouthy, stupid punk that you are. You talk all tough on the 
board, but I've been around long enough to know your kind: the 
kind that can only talk shit when he doesn't have to look the 
other guy in the eye. Teacher, you're my bitch, and I want to 
take this opportunity to thank you for bending over so willingly 
for me. Oh, and change your rag, teacher. Yours is just a little 
too bloody.

From: Headmaster
To: "Teacher"
Date: Mon Nov 3 00:50:38 2003

Message:
Why did you also post as "laughing at America"? Were we supposed 
to think that there was more than one of you, or are you simply 
adjusting to your socialized medicine?       

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: SpeedBall Tucker
Date: Mon Nov 3 07:12:08 2003

Message:
Nah, the fuckin butler did it. Then again, pretty much everybody 
was DOING HER the last year and continues to DO HER to this day.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Oh. I don't know what the fuck you think you are talking about 
and guess what - I don't care.

From: Teacher
To: Master of Head(Giving head)
Date: Mon Nov 3 07:30:19 2003

Message:
Why did you also post as "laughing at America"? Were we supposed 
to think that there was more than one of you, or are you simply 
adjusting to your socialized medicine?       

We? Hahaha. Just you...and Richard.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **ON THE QUESTION OF MY FINANCES**
Date: Mon Nov 3 07:14:37 2003

Message:
I categorically refuse now to help out people en masse. This is 
because you won't pay me. I understand that if that woman from 
management at Mayday doesn't pay me today then she is to be 
shot. I had the other management shot [and her father] because 
she was fucking with my finances ...
"Do NOT fuck with my finances."
It's a hint ...
I am presently prepared to help out a couple of handfuls of 
people on a first come first served basis.
The rest of you can just drop dead as far as I am concerned and 
I shall NEVER change my mind.
Should have paid me - assholes.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **WHEN I MAKE DECISONS LIKE THIS YOU FUCKING CUNTS - I AIN"T EVER CHANGING MY MIND - YOU SICK FUCKS!!**
Date: Mon Nov 3 07:58:52 2003

Message:
Since nobody appears to want to financially benefit from my 
singing voice and my athletic ability I have decided NEVER to 
provide you with these either.
This decision is FINAL and under no circumstance shall ever be 
changed.
You fucking assholes should have paid me ....
And by the way, when I decide something and say I am not 
changing my mind then you fuckers better believe that I mean it.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?**
Date: Mon Nov 3 08:22:10 2003

Message:
It means that those recording contract fuckers can just take a 
hike over the edge off a cliff ...
It is my promise to you that I shall NEVER record a song for you.
Should have paid me ...
As for the running, I'll run to the DHSS if required so that I 
can ascertain that I am not late.
I hate your guts.
I'm never changing my mind.
I know! :)
Try and persuade me otherwise with your stinking money you fat 
rich fucks!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **ON THE SUBJECT OF MY FINANCES**
Date: Mon Nov 3 08:29:39 2003

Message:
They're not too good actually ...
Though I still wish to help out with medical matters, I have 
been advised not to ever address the possibility of an A.I.D.S 
cure. Furthermore, if my [eventual??? - who the fuck knows???] 
research helps some of the other venereal diseases as a spin off 
[for I shall not directly associate myself with that kind of 
thing now] then so be it. However, I do not feel inclined to 
help in this area anymore - not now or ever.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **NEW MESSIAH SMILE OR THE CHEQUE PLEASE!!** :))
Date: Mon Nov 3 08:49:41 2003

Message:
Furthermore, since that clock is ticking and you STILL pay me 
nothing, it is my promise to you NEVER to provide consultative 
advice on dietary matters ..
I am sure that my comments on "The Atkinson Diet" were 
appreciated.
Still. You could always have paid me money ...

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Mon Nov 3 09:06:47 2003

Message:
BTW did you notice that little mistake with "cracking the 
genetic code" a while back?????

From: SpeedBall Tucker
To: HELEN OF TROY
Date: Mon Nov 3 09:00:40 2003

Message:
>>Oh. I don't know what the fuck you think you are talking about 
and guess what - I don't care.<<


HAHAHAHAA! Oh, the irony, Mr. Pot.

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Mon Nov 3 09:08:49 2003

Message:
I have seen the *it is remarkable what you can lose over a few 
thousand quid* effect!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **YOU JUST DON'T SEEM TO BE GETTING THE MESSAGE - YOUR HOPE OF MEDICAL RELIEF IN SOME AREAS IS JUST FALLING AWAY OR WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING PAY ME??????????**
Date: Mon Nov 3 09:11:04 2003

Message:
As a direct consequence of your inability to pay me a salary I 
have now decided NEVER to address any medical issue that 
involves peoples' bones. You name it: osteopathy, rheumatism, 
malformation etc. If on the other hand, some of my other medical 
research will benefit this area of medical concern then so be it.

This is a decision that I shall never go back on in the future.
[It pays to pay me.] 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **JUST KEEP FUCKING WITH THOSE FINANCES - IT'S ALL TRUE AS IT HAPPENS**
Date: Mon Nov 3 09:26:10 2003

Message:
**WARNING: DON'T GET ME THAT MEDICAL BURSARY SOONER THAN LATER 
AND I INTEND TO DO NOTHING FOR MEDICINE UNDER THE INSTRUCTION OF 
GOD**

This is the case, therefore if you don't pay up very shortly 
I'll have a brand new announcement for you. Also, it WILL be a 
permanent decision.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **LET'S PLAY RUSSIAN ROULETTE**
Date: Mon Nov 3 09:31:00 2003

Message:
You go first. :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **KISS GOODBYE TO YOUR SINGING CLASSES**
Date: Mon Nov 3 09:36:52 2003

Message:
Though I have decided to continue with Photography at a later 
date when the fucking assholes make funds available to me so 
that I can afford one - it is now my intention NEVER to provide 
you with any instruction in this area.

BTW just to remind you again: "never" means "never".

Thanks fuckers! :)

From: SpeedBall Tucker
To: Laughing at America
Date: Mon Nov 3 09:37:26 2003

Message:
>>Yes, it seems as though the only things americans are good at 
are blowing up shuttlecraft, and sky diving out of tall 
buildings.<<

We blow the arms and legs off Iraqi children real good too!! 
Little bloody fuckers, wiggling around in the sand like worms. 
LOL!!

A little advice to Afghan wedding parties; don't fire small arms 
at American aircraft or the first thing to pop the brides cherry 
will be a 4 foot long Hellfire missle. Was it good for you too?




From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **SO MUCH FOR YOUR NEW WORLD TEACHER OR TAKE YOUR SOFTWARE AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR RESPECTIVE ASSES**
Date: Mon Nov 3 09:53:46 2003

Message:
It is now my intention to provide instruction in this area only 
to individual(s) who have privately contracted my consultative 
opinion.

HINT: should have paid me. ;)

From: PPP
To:
Date: Mon Nov 3 12:24:20 2003

Message:
i just came all over a devout muslim guy's wife's face . i 
fucken dragged her in and anally did her knowing she wouldn't 
dare tell him, now that's a good night out you filthy haairy-
minged fuck-bucket

From: MMM
To:
Date: Mon Nov 3 16:00:00 2003

Message:
I just came all over the face of the wife of a 9-11 victim. She 
was so hot, waiting for over two years for some Muslim cock. She 
took it in every hole, and still wanted more! She even pulled 
down her 12 year old daughter's panties, in the hope that I'd 
fuck her kid also, but I'm saving that for next time.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **IF YOU'RE A BRITISH POLITICIAN ... **
Date: Mon Nov 3 16:46:24 2003

Message:
It goes a bit like this:
**IF THOU ART A BRITISH POLITICIAN ... **

Then you wilfully colluded with all the other politicians,
And decided to pay me no money.
Thanks! :)
And to do unto me nothing.

I think you're dead.
If the 'plane don't get you then locals round here will.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **ON THE QUESTION OF MY FINANCES**
Date: Mon Nov 3 16:50:04 2003

Message:
I categorically refuse now to help out people en masse. This is 
because you won't pay me. I understand that if that woman from 
management at Mayday doesn't pay me today then she is to be 
shot. I had the other management shot [and her father] because 
she was fucking with my finances ...
"Do NOT fuck with my finances."
It's a hint ...
I am presently prepared to help out a couple of handfuls of 
people on a first come first served basis.
The rest of you can just drop dead as far as I am concerned and 
I shall NEVER change my mind.
Should have paid me - assholes.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I've given her one more day to pay up 50000 pounds sterling but 
that's it. If she doesn't pay it then I suggest you do because 
the consequences will be momentous and negative. The reason for 
this is that I have just gone through another spiritual 
initiation and it is now COMPLETELY unacceptable that my 
finances remain as they are. If the ceiling for that type of 
account is less then just pay that amount. It's up to you all, 
but there is a strong possibility that I don't do anything in 
Medicine in the future except for a minor bit of spiritual 
healing. You make your minds up but remember that if you are 
reasonably well off or better and you wilfully denied me money 
then you are not about to win the popularity vote either. 
Something tells me that many of you who did this shall wind up 
dead too. I'm afraid there is nothing much I can do to prevent 
the actions of others and you've allowed things to get so out of 
hand - that it's probably time to run and try to hide ...

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **ARE YOU A RICH BASTARD WHO WILFULLY DENIED ME FINANCES?** :)
Date: Mon Nov 3 16:59:32 2003

Message:
Well guess what? :)
I'm not doing a damn thing for you.
Isn't that funny? :)
That's a lot to lose isn't it but here comes the rich list 
vendetta [with the exception of one or two - because they look 
quite nice and I could have them dangle off the end of my arms.]
Oh yes! I'm making it my mission in life to do nothing for the 
rich bastards who wilfully denied me finances.
I guess if the backstabber don't get you then the soul 
disconnection did. 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **TEACHINGS OR I DROP THE BOMB**
Date: Mon Nov 3 17:17:55 2003

Message:
Yes I'm pretty much done.
It's all on bugging tape and live feed.
I delivered a lot of it - well, not in a dress actually - but a 
rather long T-shirt. ;)
The necklace fell off so I just threw it away ...
There are some really good "Blair Witch" style gyrations at 
least once a day I'd say where I can be seen to repeatedly 
thrust my fingers towards the walls and repeatedly yell *fucking 
assholes!* :)
Anyway at a certain point I'll have that all edited and we'll 
screen it - there is just hours and hours and hours of that 
*fucking assholes!* stuff by the way and I think you'll agree 
that it is tremendously dramatic.
We are putting them down as the "financially disturbed teachings 
of Christ.*
Will there be any more?
Um no actually.
I have other stuff in mind.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **PAY ME UM - I KNOW! FUCKING ASSHOLES!** :))
Date: Mon Nov 3 17:26:25 2003

Message:
In fact I'd say we've got enough finger pointing, death threats 
and turning round and round in circles for about 200 sequels if 
we account for the live feed coming along later. LOL!!
I think it could make interesting viewing ...
The point is though that I feel very disinclined to do things 
for people now.
Hint: did you hear about my account number?

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **THANK YOU SHARON WHITBY** :)
Date: Mon Nov 3 18:10:59 2003

Message:
Envelope-to: rwarwick@croydononline.org
Received: from www-data by mail.croydononline.org with local 
(Exim 3.35 #1 (Debian))
 id 1AGnc9-0005MI-00; Mon, 03 Nov 2003 22:56:01 +0000
To: sw@positiverecruitment.co.uk
Subject: RE: rwarwick@croydononline.org - Online application - 
Application Support - SQL, SQL Server, VB, Web (total11235)
Message-ID: <1067900161.3fa6dd01bc01e@mail.croydononline.org>
Date: Mon, 03 Nov 2003 22:56:01 +0000 (GMT)
From: rwarwick@croydononline.org
Cc: rwarwick@croydononline.org
References: 
<NGBBJDIIOLKOIKLKBPJPKENODIAA.sw@positiverecruitment.co.uk>
In-Reply-To: 
<NGBBJDIIOLKOIKLKBPJPKENODIAA.sw@positiverecruitment.co.uk>
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Dear Sharon Whitby,
Yes well I don't put too much store on CV's - I prefer things 
like I.Q. tests 
and how people present themselves ...
Thank you for your interest.
Richard Warwick

Quoting Sharon Whitby <sw@positiverecruitment.co.uk>:

> Thank you for sending a copy of your CV. Unfortunately we do 
have CVs
> from
> candidates which better match the job specification and so 
cannot
> continue
> with your application for this role. Sorry you have not been 
successful
> in
> this case.
> 
> 
> 
> Kind Regards,
> Sharon Whitby
> Consultant
> Positive Recruitment
> Tel: 01737 789 801
> Fax: 01737 789 811
> Email: sw@positiverecruitment.co.uk
> Web: www.positiverecruitment.co.uk
> 
> 
> 
> "This e-mail communication may be intercepted for regulatory, 
quality
> control, or crime detection purposes as per the UK Government 
Regulation
> of
> Investigatory Powers (RIP) Act. This message is intended only 
for the
> use of
> person(s) ("the Intended Recipient") to whom it is addressed. 
It may
> contain
> information that is privileged and confidential within the 
meaning of
> applicable law. Accordingly any dissemination, distribution, 
copying or
> other use of this message or any of its content by any other 
person may
> constitute a breach of civil or criminal law and is strictly 
prohibited.
> If
> you are not the Intended Recipient please contact the sender 
as soon as
> possible. Any views expressed in this message are those of the
> individual
> sender and may not necessarily reflect the views of Positive
> Recruitment
> Solutions Ltd. All inquiries should be directed to
> info@positiverecruitment.co.uk"
> 
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: totaljobs.com [mailto:applyonline@totaljobsmail.co.uk]
> Sent: 03 November 2003 14:40
> To: sw@positiverecruitment.co.uk
> Subject: rwarwick@croydononline.org - Online application - 
Application
> Support - SQL, SQL Server, VB, Web (total11235)
> 
> 
> A candidate has applied online to the following advert:
> 
> Title: Application Support - SQL, SQL Server, VB, Web 
(total11235)
> Advert: http://www.totaljobs.com/pgl/jbe.asp?JobId=9878327
> 
> This applicant declares that they are eligible to work in the 
UK
> 
> Candidate e-mail address: rwarwick@croydononline.org
> 
> Candidate Covering Letter:
> Please refer to my CV. I do not write cover letters for this 
kind of
> application.
> 
> 
> **Personal Details**
> Name:    Mr Richard Warwick
> Home Phone:
> Office Phone:
> Mobile Phone:
> 
> **Candidate Experience**
> Work Experience:   3-5 years
> Industry Experience:  IT & Internet
> Country of residence:  UK
> Current Salary/Rate:  Any
> Languages:   French
> Availability:   notice period Immediate
> Eligibility:   Eligible To work in the UK
> Key skills:
> Please refer to CV
> 
> **Candidate Requirements**
> Location:   London
> Desired Salary/Rate:  Annual 24000 UK Pounds
> Type of Position:  Any
> Hours:    Full Time
> Personal Summary:
> Please refer to CV
> 
> Please do not reply to this email as this mailbox is 
unattended.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
*****************************************************************
*******
> 
> The attachment(s) contained within this e-mail service by 
totaljobs.com
> (the "Attachments") is provided by third party users of the 
totaljobs
> web-site. totaljobs.com disclaims any responsibility for or 
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> related to the Attachments. Any questions, complaints or 
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> to the Attachments should be directed to the appropriate 
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*****************************************************************
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> 
> 


From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **READ THIS SHARON WHITBY** :)
Date: Mon Nov 3 18:38:40 2003

Message:
This ID card I was telling you about is multi purpose and I 
think it is a good idea. I have considered it within many other 
contexts that I have not written about here.

All things have their due time however and so I have decided 
that if I am not formally accepted into the Police force this 
week then I am dropping this project and never taking it up 
again.

Software projects like that are continuously being fucked up by 
the way - and it is simply because overpaid incompetents don't 
know what they're doing. You'll find this is pretty much true 
for ANY programming I.T. work which is above a mid-sized project 
in scale.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **JUST TO CHEER UP THE LADS IN BLUE OR ON A LIGHTER NOTE ... **
Date: Mon Nov 3 18:46:57 2003

Message:
"I am Sir [fill in the blank] Chief of Police and I'm here to 
see the great man himself!" quoth he.

"Pay me you fucking asshole!"
"Pay me you fucking asshole!"
"Pay me you fucking asshole!"
:)

"You belong in a mental institution with behaviour like that!" 
came the retort.

"No I don't you fucking asshole! It's just that people haven't 
paid me money for the Space project ..."

"Oh okay then. Let's see what I can do. How about a cheque for a 
million pounds?"

"Oh yes please! That would be great thanks! What a relief 
somebody is finally going to help out!" ;)

"Well I'll tell you what I'll do - I'll give the cheque to a 
trusted police officer and he'll post it to you while you sleep."

"What??? Like the tooth fairy??? Well I suppose if you want to 
do it like that then that's fine too. Thanks again!" :)

So what did the "trusted" police officer have to say for himself?
"No, you don't understand new Jesus Christ, you REALLY are 
getting the money now I've been given a direct order."

[I suppose that solves that I guess.]

To cut a long story short - and this is the Truth by the way and 
was just a few days ago and some of the wording is pretty much 
verbatim - back comes the Chief of Police and he pretends to 
discipline the officer and have him arrested over a certain 
missing cheque.

Just as he is leaving I venture, "Um, excuse me - before you go 
do you think you could be kind enough to write me out another 
cheque?"

"New messiah. Fuck off!"


From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **I MIGHT WELL BE SETTING THAT DEADLINE ABOUT 48 HOURS FROM NOW - I'LL LET YOU KNOW**
Date: Mon Nov 3 19:03:47 2003

Message:
Seriously though, I think that the accent is off teaching and 
onto "doing" provided people want to finance it. Now let's get 
this straight - the fact that people haven't truly means that I 
am far less interested in helping people out. I am not here to 
start a new religion. I am not a political leader - I am most 
interested by what I can do in the fields of Medicine and 
Physics. I am very sorry but if none of you can pay me I am 
going to dispense of Medicine soon and only do Spiritual 
Healing. You won't be able to blame me - you'll only be able to 
blame yourselves. You could also consider how you might be 
letting down future generations and perhaps wondering if any one 
of them are you .... One thing is for sure, if I get given the 
go ahead to act in this way then I shall provide you with a 
deadline. If that deadline expires and you still haven't paid me 
then it shall be in my best judgement that you are not 
interested by my potential contribution to Medical Science. I 
invite whoever cares to to credit my account - the amount 
doesn't matter - it's the though that counts. I'll confirm when 
I know for certain that there will be no "karmic" backlash and 
if your financial assistance remains a flat zero.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **I HAVE DECIDED TO TAKE THE BULL BY THE HORNS BUT IF ALL YOU WANT IS FASTER THAN LIGHT TRAVEL - PROVIDED OF COURSE THAT IS POSSIBLE - HAHA I GIVE IT ABOUT 60:40 - THEN JUST HAVE THAT [PLUS A COUPLE OF OTHER THINGS]**
Date: Mon Nov 3 19:57:18 2003

Message:
Now you know damn well I can't lose face and go back on 
decisions that I take up here on this website. I'm going to wait 
a few hours and consider this again but then if I employ this 
method against you then I might only give you 24 hours. It's a 
lot to lose ...

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **WOULD YOU LIKE A FRENCH LESSON?**
Date: Mon Nov 3 20:01:13 2003

Message:
If you'd like me to give you one-to-one tuition in French then 
email me. :)

rwarwick@croydononline.org

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **I UNDERSTAND THAT THE MOTIVATION IS JEALOUSY.**
Date: Mon Nov 3 20:02:47 2003

Message:
I've just been told to go ahead with this. It is the Will of God 
that I go ahead with this Medical deal so you have till 
tomorrow - I think 4:30 or 5:00 PM is Halifax bank closing time.

The decision will be permanent and cannot be undone.

If I only do spiritual healing then this will obviously be 
limited in scope compared to what could have been achievable in 
Medicine.

From: SpeedBall Tucker
To: Mental Masturbater
Subject: Fuck You
Date: Mon Nov 3 21:14:01 2003

Message:
Hey Warwick, in case you haven't noticed, nobody gives a fuck 
about your life story, your financial situation, or your mental?
physical defect(s). If you were murdered today, and the obituary 
was posted on this board, the laughter would be deafening.

Go Fuck Off, "Jesus".

From:
To:
Date: Mon Nov 3 21:24:22 2003

Message:
R O F L M F A O!!!!   FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: SpeedBall Fuckhead
Subject: **LAST POST ON THIS SITE EVER**
Date: Mon Nov 3 21:55:04 2003

Message:
Hey Warwick, in case you haven't noticed, nobody gives a fuck 
about your life story, your financial situation, or your mental?
physical defect(s). If you were murdered today, and the obituary 
was posted on this board, the laughter would be deafening.

Go Fuck Off, "Jesus".
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Done! I shall no longer post on this site. :)
What's more it's true.
The Q. is "do you believe me?"
Maybe it was "do you believe in me?"
Clearly you don't.

From: Headmaster
To: Teacher
Date: Mon Nov 3 23:00:08 2003

Message:
I've learned something already from you Teach. First, you're a 
glutton for punishment, as evidenced by your zeal for displaying 
your stupidity on the board. Secondly, you reveal yourself as a 
person who has low self esteem. People who have self respect 
don't go out of their way to try to start arguments or fights. 
It's like you have something to prove to yourself. Thirdly, your 
post, which was intended to insult Americans, was as lacking in 
intellect as it was a topic taken out of all context. While you 
were busy glorifying the murders of 16 Americans killed in a 
Chinook which was shot down, you were blind to the fact that 
Saddam's regime is destroyed, the Ba'ath Party is on the run 
and/or in hiding, and slowly but surely the nation of Iraq is 
becoming Democratic as never before. Under Saddam's regime, women 
were raped and murdered by Saddam's sons. People were 
systematically tortured, bound at the wrists and ankles and 
tossed over the rooves of buildings (this would do wonders for 
YOU teach :)), their fingers cut off, etc. Interesting how 
Teacher would ignore these atrocities just so he/she/it could 
glorify the downing of a Chinook. Looks like you lose again, 
teacher, but I imagine that you're used to 

From: Teacher
To: Master of Giving Head
Date: Tue Nov 4 00:07:45 2003

Message:
Hahahahahahaha!

From: Teacher
To: Headmaster
Date: Mon Nov 3 23:00:08 2003

Message:
I can only apologise to you as I did to the rubbish collector 
when I got in his way and inadvertently forced him to knock me 
over...                       
                     

From: Teacher
To:
Date: Tue Nov 4 01:14:11 2003

Message:
U.S. Soldier Killed in Blast Near Tikrit(LOVE IT!!)
                                                                 
                       

        
        
         BAGHDAD, Iraq (AP) - A soldier with the 4th Infantry 
Division
         was killed and another wounded in an explosion of an 
makeshift bomb
         near Tikrit, the U.S. Central Command said Monday.

         Also, witnesses reported that a blast near a Shiite 
Muslim
         shrine in the southern city of Karbala killed at least 
one person.

         Meanwhile, American troops hunted for anti-aircraft 
missiles
         along Iraq's trucking routes, digging through heaps of 
manure,
         mounds of hay or piles of pomegranates Monday. 
Furthermore, the
         U.S. Army retrieved the wreckage of a downed transport 
helicopter,
         searching for clues about who knocked it from the sky 
the day
         before.



"digging through heaps of manure"

They should be quite good at that!

From: Teacher
To: Master of Head-Giving
Date: Tue Nov 4 01:16:00 2003

Message:
While you 
were busy glorifying the murders of 16 Americans killed in a 
Chinook which was shot down, you were blind to the fact that 
Saddam's regime is destroyed, the Ba'ath Party is on the run 
and/or in hiding, and slowly but surely the nation of Iraq is 
becoming Democratic as never before.

Hahahaha! What you don't seem to understand is that I don't CARE 
about how many of the other side is dead; I am only concerned 
with the deaths of the american pigs! That is what I love, and 
what I look foward to much more of! Can't wait until the u.s. 
goes to Iran, and ships back even even more mutilated american 
cunts! When I see on the TV some woman and her pig-faced 
children crying that daddy is never coming back home, I laugh 
and laugh!

From: Teacher
To: Speedball Nigger
Date: Tue Nov 4 01:35:09 2003

Message:
A little advice to Afghan wedding parties; don't fire small arms 
at American aircraft or the first thing to pop the brides cherry 
will be a 4 foot long Hellfire missle. Was it good for you too?


That's probably true! It just shows the difference between them, 
and american women. By the time an american woman is married, 
the cherry would be long gone; lost to the family dog at age 12, 
and further shredded by her father, and by anyone else who acted 
in the least like they cared for her.

From: SpeedBall
To: Teacher (a.k.a. X)(a.k.a. Walter)
Subject: Tell us all about
Date: Tue Nov 4 08:25:24 2003

Message:
Judging by your propensity to work some form of perverted child 
molestation into each and every post you were/are:

A. Molested as a child.

B. Molest(ing) children.

OR

C. Just another towel headed goat raper.

From:
To:
Date: Tue Nov 4 10:14:40 2003

Message:
actually walter liked america

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Tue Nov 4 14:40:37 2003

Message:
ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **HELLO AGAIN YOU FUCKING TWAT WHO THOUGHT HE'D ORDER ME OFF THE GOLF COURSE YOUR MISSION ENDS RIGHT THERE**
Date: Tue Nov 4 16:04:53 2003

Message:
I'd play a game with the other guy ..
Here's a little bit of detective work sonny:
And by the way, how is your unsolved criminal career doing?
Or, who'd you rape last? :)

(1) Why tell me to leave the area when the player had already 
played his shot? Thanks for the concern to my health.
(2) Do I detect the grin of the guilty - I think I did!
(3) Why'd it take you so long to figure out the quickest way out?
Because you were torn between sending me back the way I came and 
the quickest way. Thanks mate!
(4) Why did you not ask me if I was a member of the golf course 
you fucking goon?

Now we just launched a criminal investigation against you. Just 
ask the other player.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **I UNDERSTAND THAT THE MOTIVATION IS JEALOUSY OR HOW'S YOUR BALDNESS CURE DOING?**
Date: Tue Nov 4 16:11:13 2003

Message:
I've just been told to go ahead with this. It is the Will of God 
that I go ahead with this Medical deal so you have till 
tomorrow - I think 4:30 or 5:00 PM is Halifax bank closing time.

The decision will be permanent and cannot be undone.

If I only do spiritual healing then this will obviously be 
limited in scope compared to what could have been achievable in 
Medicine.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
"The decision will be permanent and cannot be undone."
If you are suitably nice to me I MIGHT help out with medical 
matters after the Space Mission which will take years. Do you 
know that I used to be selfish and just want to do the Space 
Mission first. Then I changed my mind and favoured Medicine. Now 
we're back with the Space Mission.

Today I visited a private hospital i.e. non-NHS, and offered up 
my services as a spiritual healer. Aside from that I am 
considering IVF and psychoanalysis only.

Last night I had Mayday management come round and say "you're 
the luckiest man in the world - is it really true that you don't 
want to help people?" To this I replied "not particularly" - 
fair enough with my finances in that state would you not think? 
I therefore handed the decision to them along with the 
deadline ... For one thing I suppose you could say that 
management's manner of allocating tax payers money was perhaps 
not the most carefully thought out. Remember that the decision 
goes all the way up to government too, yet even if say a health 
minister or two had decided against it - chickenfeed like that 
was never going to be prohibitory. The other thing is that these 
are my very best candidates for Hell yet. Yes it is true! :) 
Though perhaps unfashionable - let me insist to you that it 
exists. I wouldn't lie about issues like this. Therefore, even 
if they get a shovel to the back of the head there will be more 
to come because their sickass decision played with the lives of 
billions of people for years to come ... [More on this later.]

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **NOTES**
Date: Tue Nov 4 16:26:26 2003

Message:
(1)I also invited members of the public to credit my account 
including a number of patients at the hospital. None of them did.
(2)I've broken my "karma" in this and several other key areas. 
The order in which things get done is the decision of God. They 
are in that order because nobody has paid me any money this year 
except my dole money and the sale of a few books.
(3) Don't whatever you do forget the Spiritual Realm especially 
when making decisions like that!
(4) Management should get the Hell out. If the Police don't 
shoot you then the Crucifixion Squad will get you. I saw some 
earlier on this evening. Let us assume that any management back 
at work by next week were uninvolved.
(5) That fake announcement that went "we are very proud ... " 
was all true.
(6) Let it be on the conscience of the doctors and the nurses 
that knew about this for the rest of their lives. Pretty much 
all of them as a matter of fact! Do you want to be treated by 
them???
(7) ".. I am considering IVF and psychoanalysis only." - and 
also medical concerns of a Space Mission like quarantine ...

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **WOULD YOU LIKE A JESUS CHRIST BABY OR WOULD YOU LIKE TO PAY FOR HUMAN EVOLUTION?** :)
Date: Tue Nov 4 16:40:38 2003

Message:
What's the deadline this time then?
48 hours. LMAO
Sorry about the incomplete instructions! I am laughing too much 
I cannot type ...
U must do this tho.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **WE'RE USING IN VITRO FERTILISATION OR I WAS AN EARLY TEST TUBE BABY OR JUST DON'T TELL THEM ABOUT THE THALIDOMIDE** :))
Date: Tue Nov 4 17:10:56 2003

Message:
http://history1900s.about.com/library/weekly/aa043001a.htm

http://www.babycentre.co.uk/refcap/4094.html

Why are we doing it like that? Don't argue, we're just doing it 
like that.

I've told Sarah to desist on this.
Jodie, you need a psychoanalyst ...
Quoth she in front of my door the other day: "My new Jesus 
Christ, I love you SO much and I'm the new Mary Magdalene. I 
can't wait to get to know you and hope one day to be your lawful 
wedded wife and to bear your child." :))

I'm considering a few other women - we think about 40 - by 
invitation.
There might be a second batch after the Space Mission ...
The point really is this, as men get older the quality of their 
sperm decreases so we'll do this set first and then worry about 
the effect of faster than light travel on spermatazoa.

A few very brief thoughts on this: I think that with or without 
me human evolution is occurring anyway though I am speeding it 
up immeasurably. I still think that several generations at least 
are required ... Evolution is occurring on a spiritual level too 
in a subtle manner. Do I ascribe to the theory that human 
evolution has halted because of interracial homogenisation? Not 
really. Who on that basis then would be suitable candidates? 
This is not settled but will be decided at a later date by 
studying genetic makeup, genealogy and that kind of thing. By 
the way I'm going to handle my own research now which means it 
stays under wraps but enough is enough ...

From:
To:
Date: Tue Nov 4 18:15:06 2003

Message:
*****************************************************************
**$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$**
*COMPETITION$TIME$-$LADIES,$WOULD$YOU$CARE$TO$CREDIT$MY$ACCOUNT?*
**$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$**
*****************************************************************

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA**
Date: Tue Nov 4 18:28:15 2003

Message:
This will probably take a good couple of years to the conception 
phase but the deadline is real. No money by the end of the 48 
hours and it's "all systems go no" - I'll just call the whole 
thing off and we'll risk it with the space ship. By the way, if 
you want to reduce human evolution back to a near standstill 
again you're fucked.

Are you amongst other things the following?
(1) So if you [hope] you don't have the various inhibitory 
illnesses.
(2) If you think you may or may not be of the right genetic mix -
 [don't worry I'm instituting a no nonsense money back policy.]
(3) If you are over the age of 27. Why? Because it will just be 
easier working with them and filling in the forms - that kind of 
thing and you will need excellent English too. I might make one 
or two exceptions but not with this "credit my Cashcard account" 
competition.
(4) You are considered to be good looking with a high I.Q. [I'll 
be testing it later]
(5) You know for a FACT that you did not maliciously retain 
money from my account on any prior basis in the past. One way to 
be certain would to be on the dole for the past few months by 
example. If you are on the dole in this manner then ignore the 
200 pound instruction and go for ten. Knock yourself out! ;)

You are? :)
Well here's my account details:
Halifax
Mr R J Warwick
Sort Code 110219
A/C # 00583674

Furthermore, I shall truly use the order by which you credit 
this thing as one criteria in deciding your suitableness.
Oh and keep the receipt and try to ensure you have proof of what 
time you credited it.
It's a flat rate of 200 pounds Sterling each.
Make my day!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **LOOKS LIKE I JUST RUINED YOUR FUCKING PARTY - BUT YOU DESERVE IT**
Date: Tue Nov 4 18:48:21 2003

Message:
(5) You know for a FACT that you did not maliciously retain 
money from my account on any prior basis in the past. One way to 
be certain would to be on the dole for the past few months by 
example. If you are on the dole in this manner then ignore the 
200 pound instruction and go for ten. Knock yourself out! ;)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I like this bit especially. I bet you stinking rich bitches have 
got something to think about now.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **NOTES**
Date: Tue Nov 4 18:51:53 2003

Message:
I've changed my mind. I'm bringing the age down to 23. I don't 
really believe in sex outside marriage. That is why we are doing 
it with IVF. I am sorry about the tone but I am so completely 
revolted by a lot of other peoples' behaviour. Some of them are 
going to pay for that soon. When we're done with them I might 
feel a little better but on the whole there is now an 
insurmountable gulf between myself and other people and it 
involves the FUCKING INSANE MEANESS of people. Mean enough? 
You'll pay alright.

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Tue Nov 4 18:56:42 2003

Message:
I have seen the *it doesn't say anywhere in those instructions 
that I am a virgin* effect! LOL!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Tue Nov 4 19:08:43 2003

Message:
More "Jodie Foster" stuff some other time. I know it is 
considered hilarious - though in some ways morbid - and it's all 
true, the dialogue obviously changed around a minor amount in 
places. My understanding is that she checked herself into a 
clinic in the U.S.A. a few days back - kept paining the 
psychiatrists for a lethal injection - checked herself out three 
days later, and flew back to London. She's here presently 
awaiting a psychoanalysis I guess! :)

From: om/cf
To:
Subject: The End Of The World Is Near!
Date: Tue Nov 4 22:43:03 2003

Message:
All Muslims must reform or DIE!! LOL!

Largest Solar Flare Ever Recorded (X30-X40) DOES have an Earth-
Directed Component!

FULL HALO coranal mass ejection! Bend over now and kiss your 
asses goodbye! LOL! This one may dwarf the giant X18 last week. 
Unbelievable SPEED to this giant Sun fart kiddies - 2300 
km/second.

Last weeks X18 that knocked out a Japanese satelite impacted the 
Earths magnetic field in 24 hours, maybe a record time. THIS 
fucker is MOVING!

BUY TINFOIL NOW!! Make a tinfoil suit for every family member 
and pet IMMEDIATLY!! AND DIG HOLES TO CRAWL INTO!!

Me? I'm hoping for a damn good aurora show tomorrow night 'cause 
the cloud cover that fucked me out of last weeks aurora's is 
clearing off but coming up to a full moon now is prolly gonna 
fuck it up again.

From: Headmaster
To: Teacher
Date: Tue Nov 4 23:20:32 2003

Message:
Gee, so I guess that my feelings should be hurt? I've read your 
posts and considered the source. So I'll leave you to go through 
life pissed off and stupid. As you are your own worst enemy, 
you'll do more to get yourself beaten/incarcerated/killed than 
anyone else will ever have to :)         
                   

From: Headmaster
To: om/cf
Subject: re: the coronal mass ejection
Date: Tue Nov 4 23:26:21 2003

Message:
2300 km/second. That thing got a Hemi?            
                    

From: Teacher
To:
Subject: life sucks -and so do I!
Date: Tue Nov 4 23:20:32 2003

Message:
:O-8          

From: Teacher
To: Master of Head Giving
Date: Wed Nov 5 00:17:36 2003

Message:
Gee, so I guess that my feelings should be hurt? I've read your 
posts and considered the source. So I'll leave you to go through 
life pissed off and stupid. As you are your own worst enemy, 
you'll do more to get yourself beaten/incarcerated/killed than 
anyone else will ever have to :)


OK, great! Bye! Hahaha!        

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: om/cf
Subject: ** The End Of The World Is Near!**
Date: Wed Nov 5 07:25:41 2003

Message:
All Muslims must reform or DIE!! LOL!

Largest Solar Flare Ever Recorded (X30-X40) DOES have an Earth-
Directed Component!

FULL HALO coranal mass ejection! Bend over now and kiss your 
asses goodbye! LOL! This one may dwarf the giant X18 last week. 
Unbelievable SPEED to this giant Sun fart kiddies - 2300 
km/second.

Last weeks X18 that knocked out a Japanese satelite impacted the 
Earths magnetic field in 24 hours, maybe a record time. THIS 
fucker is MOVING!

BUY TINFOIL NOW!! Make a tinfoil suit for every family member 
and pet IMMEDIATLY!! AND DIG HOLES TO CRAWL INTO!!

Me? I'm hoping for a damn good aurora show tomorrow night 'cause 
the cloud cover that fucked me out of last weeks aurora's is 
clearing off but coming up to a full moon now is prolly gonna 
fuck it up again.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Happened already. I like that bit "All Muslims must reform or 
DIE!!"
That's quite good. :)
In the meantime I guess if your TV reception is fucked up then 
blame it on the solar flares morons!! .... LMAO!! 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **IT'S A SPLIT DECISION** LMAO!!
Date: Wed Nov 5 07:30:02 2003

Message:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/3242353.stm

Today's link for the disinterested & bored.

Well do you want the Jesus Christ baby or not punk?
Well do ya's? :)

From: om/cf
To:
Subject: A show of hands please...
Date: Wed Nov 5 10:51:14 2003

Message:
...Who did NOT alledgedly fuck Di before or after her death?


Diana 'had affair with singer'

November 6, 2003
  
Bryan Adams had an affair with Princess Diana in 1996, the year 
before her death, a former girlfriend of the Canadian singer has 
claimed.

Former Bond girl Cecilie Thomsen made the allegation in an 
interview with Danish magazine Billed Bladet, London's Daily 
Mail newspaper reported on Wednesday. 

The allegation tallies with a claim by former royal butler Paul 
Burrell that a famous musician was among Diana's nine "gentleman 
friends". 

From: Toll booth willie
To:
Subject: Fuck yerself
Date: Wed Nov 5 12:09:47 2003

Message:
[Car approaches]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Welcome to Worchester. Dollar twenty-five 
please."
[M1:] "Hey, how ya doin' Toll Booth Willie?"
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Good! Thanks fer askin, pop!"
[M1:] "Aww, that's great, you know, considering yer a fuckin' 
idiot!"
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Go fuck yourself you son of a bitch! 
I'll come right outta the booth and fuckin' whack ya, you 
fuckin' prick!"

[Another car approaches]
[M2:] "Hey, hey, Willie! Hows it going?"
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Hey, can't complain, pop. Hows 'bout you?"
[M2:] "Oh, great, great. How much?"
[Toll Booth Willie:] "The state charges a dollar twenty-five, 
pop."
[M2:] "That's fine. Now should I give you the money, 
or should I shove the quarters directly up your fat ass!?"
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Why you fuckin' hard on! 
I'll fucking Carlton Fisk yer fuckin' head with a Louise-ville 
fuckin' slugger! 
Whadya think of that ass fuck!?"

[Another car approaches]
[F1:] "Hi Willie."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Oh, nice to see ya M'am. Not a bad day, 
huh?"
[F1:] "Well, I'm a little lost. Could you help me out? 
I hear your the best with directions."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Well I know my way around New England. 
I can tell ya that much. So where ya headed?"
[F1:] "Well, I was just wondering exactly which is the best way 
to drive up your ass. You know, if you'd tell me, 
I'd appreciate it, you fuckin' prick."
[Drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "You fuckin' bitch! Fuck you! 
You forgot to pay the fuckin' toll you dirty whore! 
I'll fuckin' drop you with a boot to the fuckin' skull you cum 
guzzling queen!"

[Another car approaches]
[M3:] "Hey Willie."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Hey, how are ya?"
[M3:] "Here's a dollar twenty-five, and go fuck yourself."
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Dah, you fuckin' prick! 
I hope you choke on a fuckin' bottle cap, ya fuckin' son of a 
fuck! 
Eat shit! Eat my shit!"

[Another car approaches]
[Bishop Nelson:] "Hello Willie. Good to see you."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Ahhh, Bishop Nelson. Nice to see ya. 
That was quite a sermon you had the other day."
[Bishop Nelson:] "Hey, well I do my best."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Dollar twenty-five, Bishop."
[Bishop Nelson:] "Dollar twenty-five, 
Willie. Isn't that the same price your mother charges for a blow 
job, 
you piece of dog shit!?"
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Ohhh! Have another one, you fuckin' lush! 
It's not my fault the bartender cut ya off last night ya fuckin' 
douche bag!"

[Another car approaches]
[M5:] "Hey!"
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Well hey!"
[M5:] "Yeah, do you want the money, 
or should I just shove the quarters directly up your fat ass!?"
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Well, I already heard that one you fuckin' 
unoriginal bastard! 
Go suck a corn you fuckin' piece of repeatin' shit!"

[Another car approaches]
[F2:] "Hi."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Oh, hi. How are ya?"
[F2:] "Fine, thank you. How much is the toll please?"
[Toll Booth Willie:]"For you sweetheart, it's a dollar twenty-
five."
[F2:] "Here ya go."
[Pays toll]
[F2:] "Thank you."
[Begins to drive off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Hey! Hey! Honey! Would you like a receipt 
with that?"
[F2:] "Oh, I almost forgot. Thank you so much."
[Toll Booth Willie scribbling a receipt for her]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "And here ya are."
[F2:] "Umm, do you think you could sign it?"
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Oh, uh.. sign it?"
[F2:] "Yeah, sign Toll Booth Willie was here."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Ok, sure. Uhh, by the way, what is this 
for?"
[Signing receipt]
[F2:] "Just so I could have proof for my friends that 
I met the biggest fuckin' dip shit with the smallest dick alive. 
You understand."
[Drives off]
[Crumples up paper]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Fuck you, you fuckin' upity bitch! 
I'll fuckin' fuck you and all your lesbian fish-eating friends 
in front 
of your fuckin' mothers! You're gonna die, bitch! I'm comin' 
outta the booth!" 
[Opens the door and runs out of the booth]

[Car screeches and hits him]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Ooooh! My fuckin' leg!"
[M6:] "Hey! You ran over Toll Booth Willie!"
[M7:] "Oh my God! I was always wondering what it would be like 
to run over a
dried up stinky dick licker."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Why you fuckin' pricks. 
I fuckin' hear every fuckin' word yer saying! 
When this fuckin' leg heals, 
I'm gonna kick you guys new fuckin' assholes!

[Everyone cussing eachother out]




From:
To:
Date: Wed Nov 5 18:02:11 2003

Message:
How To Fuck A Chicken  
     Okay, the first thing we've got to get straight here 
(besides your dick, you can get it up for a chicken, can't you?) 
is that you need to somehow acquire a chicken of the correct 
gender and condition. It has to be a hen, you know, female. A 
rooster (boy chicken) will not do, so forget it fag! Neither 
will a pullet (teenage girl chicken) do it for you. No, it has 
to be a mature female chicken that lays eggs! Nothing else will 
do the trick you pervert. Now, chickens are monotremes. No, 
that's not contagious. A monotreme is an animal with only one 
sewer pipe. That's right, a chicken only has one hole down there 
for your pleasure. The reason you need an egg-laying hen is that 
she is accustomed to opening up that hole every day to squeeze 
out an egg that is approximately the same diameter as the 
average dick. That might be too big of a hole for some of you 
pencil puds, but read on.  
     Presuming that you have obtained a proper object of 
affection, the next subject of discussion is one that you will 
really like: bondage. You need to carefully and securely tie up 
the chicken's wings and feet, especially the feet. First tie the 
wings together at their bases, as tight as you can get them, 
then wrap the whole thing in duct tape. You in a band? You 
always have duct tape if you're in a band. Or is it duck tape? 
Does anyone out there plow ducks? Don't tell me, just send 
pictures. Anyway, after tying the wings securely, tie the feet 
strongly together leaving plenty of extra cord. Bring the 
chicken's feet forward to the head, then take a wrap of the 
cords around the base of the neck and then tie them together 
wrapped around the base of the wings. Lastly, wrap the feet 
thoroughly with duct tape. Why all this bondage and tapeage? 
Besides the fun of it, it's necessary to keep your balls and 
tender inner thighs from getting ripped to shreds. Those are 
claws on the ends of that chicken's feet and she's not going to 
like it very much if you rape her. The tied wings keep them from 
flapping and beating the hell out of you (like you deserve), 
besides they make a convenient handle.  
     You are now ready to fuck your first chicken. All you need 
now is a hard-on and some lubricunt (sic). I can't help you with 
the hard-on, give yourself a hand. As for the lubricunt, Your 
hen doesn't think you are Billy (admiring the mirror) Idol or 
even Evan (Mr. Sensitivity) Dando. She ain't gonna get wet for 
you, dude. Smear lots of Vaseline on your pecker, lube the 
chicken chute and push. You got the whole thing in? Damn, you 
got a short little pud! Chickens aren't very deep. If you were a 
real man, you'd have barely more than the head in. But then, if 
you were a real man, you wouldn't be raping chickens now would 
you?  
     Your grip should be one hand around the base of the 
chicken's neck, the other holding the tied-together wings. Short 
strokes or you'll pop out. Oh yeah, you're only capable of short 
strokes, I forgot.  
     Now cums the fun (and really brutal) part. You've got to 
time this just right: when you are there and you're almost ready 
to shoot, use your non-wings hand to break the chicken's neck. 
As she dies she will convulse and undergo muscular spasms. Some 
of these spasms will be contractions around your dick and if you 
time it exactly right they will occur as you cum.  
     I believe it was that old fag Oscar Wilde who said "You 
always kill the thing you love." In this case, you can not only 
kill but also pluck, eviscerate and devour the thing you love. 
Most of you are such lame urbanites that you wouldn't have the 
necessary skills to butcher a dead lover. Jeffery Dahmer is 
dead, so he isn't able to advise you. Just throw her in the 
garbage you wasteful twerp. Maybe it would be a good idea to 
carefully conceal her in a garbage bag or something, the 
neighbors might talk.  
     You have now fucked your first chicken. Don't you feel 
really good about yourself now, Chicken Boy?  



From:
To:
Subject: How to Skin That PUSSY !!!!!!!
Date: Wed Nov 5 18:08:17 2003

Message:
1. Lawnmower
2. Hold it by its tail, shake vigorously
3. Give it a bath in hydrochloric acid
4. Let it play with a ball of barbed wire
5. Teach it to jump through a flaming loop, then get it drunk 
and have it
do it
6. Eat it, cough up a furball, then puke
7. Put it in a paper shredder, slowly (collect bits afterwars, 
glue and
some assembly may be required)
8. Tie tongue to one car, tail to another, and have them dive in 
opposite
directions
9. Flamethrower
10. Attach tail to fan, put it on high (the fan)
11. Get a pair of tweasers, pluck one hair at a time
12. Bury it, dig it up a few weeks later
13. Throw it at a fan (make sure it's on (the fan))
14. Stuff it in a mailbox with a quarterstick of dynamite
15. Throw catnip on the launching pad of the space shuttle just 
before
takeoff
16. Have it roll in hot tar
17. Drop it off a building onto a sharpened sewer grate
18. Toss it in Boston Harbor
19. Use a tire pump to fill it with air, pop it
20. Shave "Saddam rules" on it and throw it to a pack of Kurds
21. Volunteer it for a documentary on pirranahs
22. Cover firecrackers with catnip (light them)
23. Use it as the bat in "mailbox baseball"
24. Throw it at the windshield of someone who annoys you (or 
just for fun)
25. Tie (or shave) a message on it and throw it through the 
window of an
enemy
26. Use it as shark bait
27. Train an attack dog with it
28. Volunteer it for radiation testing
29. Volunteer it for Olympic training for the hammer throw
30. Use it as a train brake
31. Put a condom on its head and give it to a Bishop
32. Use it as printer paper
33. Use it as the "kindling" to burn down a billboard (for best 
results, 
douse in gasoline first)
34. Rub alcohol on it and chase it over hot coals
35. Cats love chasing moving things, cut some live electrical 
wires and
watch them dance (bring your cat, twit)
36. Light its tail on fire and watch it chase it
37. Give the cat and some acid to Skeeve
38. Let it run The Works for a day
39. "Bowl" it over millions of shards of broken glass
40. Experiment with the explosive properties of cat hair
41. Turn on the car while the cat is getting warm in the engine
42. Check the read/write properties of cats in disk drives
43. Test out the hair club for men on it
44. Put plastic explosives in fake mice
45. Drop it off a cliff, repeat until it doesn't land on its feet
46. Feed it to a pack of raving Puce Armadillos
47. Have it figure out the previous entry
48. Wrap duct tape around it, peal off rapidly
49. Have it try to write a 101 (tm) text file
50. Feed it live grenades (and run)
51. Slide it quickly down a slide lined with brillo pads
52. Use it to smoothen the rusty parts on your car
53. Squeeze it through a pipe half its size
54. Chainsaw
55. Throw it at a velcro wall and rip it off
56. Use a cheese grater
57. Feed it cherry bombs
58. See how good it is at "eating fire"
59. Eat fire yourself, and use the cat as a target (great at 
parties)
60. Use sandpaper
61. Ask it the meaning of life
62. Have Skeeve explain the meaning of life to it
63. Use it in a game of "tethercat" (this entry courtosy of The 
Far Side
comics inc.)
64. Have it piss off (or on) Cab the Nastie
65. Try to get it inside the computer to accomplish the 
preceding entry
66. Use hedge clippers
67. Test how good the properties of cats are for making spam
68. Scotch (tm) tape it to the exhaust pipe of a bus
69. Use its face as a guitar pick, gradually move to other parts 
of its
body (Note to all you sex perverts: No, I didn't have a special 
entry just for this number, nyah nyah nyah!)
70. Get a giant, economy size electric pencil sharpener 
and...well, you 
know...um...ok...fine, so it was a bad idea
71. Use it as the lance (or shield) for a good clean game of 
joust
72. Test its electricity conductivity properties (in any manner 
you choose)
73. Put alcohol in its water bowl and release it into a mine 
field
74. Nail the pet door on your door closed, encourage it to run 
full speed
into the house
75. Introduce it to Butch the pitbull next door
76. Pull its flea collar off, going from head to tail
77. Hang some catnip from the rear bumper of your car (near the 
tire) and
have the cat chase it, then slam it (the car) into reverse (this 
can 
also be found in the soon to be released "101 (tm) ways to ruin 
your
transmission")
78. Have it attempt to figure out "f00g and the art of Zen"
79. Severely hinder the existence of one of America's greatest 
evils, the
trailer park (of course) by using the cat to link two of the 
park's
power lines, thus shorting out the whole place
80. Use it as a place to stick Post-it (tm) notes
81. Put it on ther head of Raytheon's famous Patriot Missle
82. Put it 5 miles from the intended target of a Scud
83. Shave the American flag on it and sell it to a drunken 
football fan as 
a patriotic souvenir (ok, enough with the belated-gulf-war-
patriotic-
stereotypes)
84. Paint it white and bring it to a sheep shearing contest
85. Toss it into the street after it (the street) has been newly 
tarred, get
some popcorn and wait for the steam roller
86. Treat it like you would a balloon animal
87. Shave signs of the devil on it and give it to Mother Theresa 
as a gift
88. Teach it to surf
89. Have it fight a big armadillo
90. Ask it why armadillos are such a favorite topic of mine 
(cats HATE even
the mention of the word)
91. Let it play with your favorite samarai sword (did I spell it 
right?)
92. Have it use a razor sharp spork (they're so common...) to 
eat from its
food bowl
93. Stuff its nose and mouth full of sawdust and watch it flip 
out (place 
any desirable sharp objects near it)
94. Feed it green eggs and spam
95. Introduce it to the wonderful world of narcotics (Note: This 
was put 
here in a mood of jest and merriment only, Psychotic Alliance 
would like
to stress that drugs are of no use, except when writing text 
files)
96. Use a utility knife (anyone who accomplishes this, please 
contact me)
97. Poke it with a pen all over its body, let the scabs heal and 
then pick
all of them off
98. Put it in a time capsule
99. Push it through a screen
100. Just use a razor blade...
101. Give it some swiss cheese (YOU figure it out, hehehe)



From: om/cf
To:
Subject: Notes Of the Day :(
Date: Wed Nov 5 23:12:50 2003

Message:
The "toll booth Willie" thing was funny - had to google, had no 
idea Adam Sandler did that bit.

Fucking chickens and hurting domestic animals is just plain 
sick. A big ZERO on the humor meter.

Notes: 

Charlie Rangle should shut his racebaiting piehole.

The Marines are heading back to Iraq - they never should have 
been pulled. House to house documenting everyone sucking air I 
hope.

A SBS hero met his maker in northern Iraq in hail of gunfire in 
which ten al Qaida were sent to eat their 72 raisins in hell.

The thirty year old man flying the Chinook shot down this past 
weekend was from a small town 20 miles from me. Just got his 
engineering degree. Many sad stories from that shootdown. As the 
second Chinook circled back around, the boyz on board quickly 
locked 'n loaded and hit the ground running to back the animals 
off the crash site. One of Allah's best was waving a pair of 
shorts the cockroach snuck in and captured. Must have taken 
great restraint not to pump that son-of-a-bitch till the clip 
emptied.



 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: om/cf
Subject: **THAT'S REAL GOOD THAT THING ABOUT THE RAISINS ISN'T IT?** LOL!!
Date: Thu Nov 6 07:41:48 2003

Message:
I pretty much put you down as "The Planet of the Money Grabbing 
Fiends"
Your choice, not mine.
That thing about the raisins is quite funny though ...
Try me.
In the meantime watch out for the solar radiation and whatever 
you do don't forget to credit my A/C ...
Thanks! :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **SO WHAT ARE MY PLANS?**
Date: Thu Nov 6 07:46:02 2003

Message:
You need some form of spiritual instruction ...
I'll do the stud farm stuff with the IVF AFTER the Space mission.
BTW I sure as Hell wouldn't get on no space ship that screws 
with my balls.
However, if it is lower quality sperm that you want then it's 
lower quality sperm that you get. :)
Personally I don't give a shit what the brats look like.
Now just keep fucking with my finances! LMAO!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **HELL IS FOR THAT DENYING SCUM THAT ROLL IN IT AND DENY ME MY RIGHTFUL BIRTHRIGHT** :)
Date: Thu Nov 6 07:52:43 2003

Message:
Now whether that fucking bitch SCUM likes it or not - they're 
going to have to have my baby whether they like it or not.
In the meantime, consider crediting my account.
However, my psychic prediction is that today you won't! LOL!!
What do you think that you lost as a consequence of your 
irresponsible actions - or rather, lack of them?
**YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!!**
Do you know that if you look at a DHSS girocheque that the 
amount is enclosed by a set of double asterisks?
Well you do now! :)
What about those people who don't know about this or similiar?
Fuck 'em!
As I stated, "I am prepared to ride rough shod over anyone or 
anything for the purpose of gaining finances."
If you seek to actively deny me my finances then I'm going to 
shove you deep into Hell where scum like you belong .... :)
Or rather, deeper ..... LMAO!!!
This is a joke. I don't really mean it. LOL!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **I ADVOCATE MURDER ON ALL OF THOSE FUCKERS!!**
Date: Thu Nov 6 08:03:29 2003

Message:
Best thing is you're poor as sin, if you see any member of 
Government or those other places on the list I want you to kill 
them.
Just try not to get caught but take ALL those fuckers out with 
my blessing! :)
If they're venture capitalists or similiar kill 'em too! ~LOL!!~

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Thu Nov 6 08:06:34 2003

Message:
I have seen the **Rest assured that I cannot change things with 
the spiritual instruction [if you live] and the FTL stuff** 
effect!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Thu Nov 6 08:13:29 2003

Message:
I'm just off to earn some money now. Okay? :)

From: zig zag
To:
Date: Thu Nov 6 08:20:49 2003

Message:
Hi Fucks, anyone miss me then 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **THE TRUE NATURE OF THAT IVF DEAL**
Date: Thu Nov 6 08:15:57 2003

Message:
This is indeed how evolution [shall?? just keep fucking with 
those finances! :) ] occur ...
I suppose there must be some spiritual reason or other why we 
shall do this AFTER the Space Mission ...
In the meantime you got three or four hours to credit that 
account.
I think that what is important is that my genes get added to the 
gene pool.
At the end of the day I think this is worth money.
One consequence of this is that for many of you your 
reincarnational selves will be adversely affected ...
What can I say?
I have advised people around me to get that account credited 
because there's an hour by hour "heist job" occurring and I do 
believe that you can see the mechanism ...
I am the greatest being ever and if you can't credit that 
fucking account you'll be shopped to the Devil!
Therefore, get on with it.
Do you really believe that I should be out of pocket?
Let's find out! :)

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Thu Nov 6 08:24:09 2003

Message:
I have seen the *if you plan yourselves a good murder and take 
out those fucking cunts, then almost unbelievably you have 
improved your karma* effect!! LOL!!

I'll give you some suggestions later ..

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: Zigzag
Date: Thu Nov 6 08:35:44 2003

Message:
Hi Fucks, anyone miss me then 
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Yes! Me an' Marie did! LOL!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **MESSAGE TO THE PIGS: OINK!!! OINK!!! SNUFFLE!!! SNUFFLE!!! .... KERCHAAAR!**
Date: Thu Nov 6 10:04:45 2003

Message:
[Food trough water impression.]

Kindly inform the P.M. and Gordon Brown that after their 
executions we shall be arranging practical means to fuck 'em 
into Hell as deep as they can possibly go! LOL!!

To quote, "New Jesus Christ! You've won! I'm finally releasing 
the funds. Well done, and congratulations on your amazing 
Spiritual achievement!" LMAO!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Thu Nov 6 10:10:09 2003

Message:
I have seen the *if you want to execute them feel free* effect!!

From: zig zag
To: Helen of Troy
Date: Thu Nov 6 13:31:24 2003

Message:
Bet you and Marie missed me fucking you up the shitter, but I'm 
so sorry, I was fucking your daughters in the brown eye while 
their dads held their heads down, but what a fuck they were ;-)

From:
To:
Date: Thu Nov 6 17:40:42 2003

Message:
(_!_)  (_!_)  (_!_)   (_!_)   (_!_)

From: Richard Warwick
To:
Subject: **DID YOU KNOW THAT TREASON IS OFFICIALLY THE ONLY CRIME IN BRITAIN CURRENTLY PUNISHABLE BY DEATH?** :)
Date: Thu Nov 6 19:43:39 2003

Message:
TREASON, betrayal: treachery: disloyalty
HIGH TREASON, offences against the state
TREASON FELONY, the crime of desiring to depose the sovereign ...
L. tradere, to betray
 
Hello I'm your new King of Britain ...
*Just thought I'd take over.*
[And Jodie Foster is my brand new whore for the day! LOL!!]
I've been talking to the Queen and we can't really think of a 
good abdication issue ... ;)
We did however decide that I'd have Buckingham Palace, St. 
John's Park, Hyde Park and that place where they do the changing 
of the guard ...
We'll call that *base*

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Thu Nov 6 19:47:51 2003

Message:
I have seen the *We can't have a King without a Queen.* effect!!!

From:
To:
Subject: **ALL HAIL RICHARD WARWICK NEWLY CROWNED KING OF BRITAIN**
Date: Thu Nov 6 19:49:26 2003

Message:
The Queen is dead ...
Duke's dead too ..
Me too!
Me too!
Me too!
[My Cheshire cat died last week too]
Three cheers for the New Messiah!
Hip Hip Hooray or Boo Hoo
Depending on your point of view. :)

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Thu Nov 6 20:01:19 2003

Message:
I have seen the *and Northern Ireland too* effect!!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Subject: **RAW POWER** :)
Date: Thu Nov 6 20:02:41 2003

Message:
I have seen the *Should we join the Euro?* effect too!!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Thu Nov 6 20:04:06 2003

Message:
And I have seen the Coming of the LORD!!!

From:
To:
Date: Thu Nov 6 20:06:07 2003

Message:
!_!_!  !_!_!

From: om/cf
To: All
Subject: Ooops I did it again! ROFLMFAO!!
Date: Thu Nov 6 20:11:12 2003

Message:
You are not authorized to view this page 
You might not have permission to view this directory or page 
using the credentials you supplied. 

------------------------------------------------------

If you believe you should be able to view this directory or 
page, please try to contact the Web site by using any e-mail 
address or phone number that may be listed on the 
www.iraqvoice.com home page.

You can click  Search to look for information on the Internet.

HTTP Error 403 - Forbidden 
Internet Explorer 
 

From: om/cf
To:
Subject: Forbidden?....BWHAHAHAAA!
Date: Thu Nov 6 20:25:18 2003

Message:
http://www.anonymizer.com/ 

From: om/cf
To:
Date: Thu Nov 6 21:05:46 2003

Message:
;-) !!!!!!!!!

From:
To:
Date: Thu Nov 6 20:20:58 2003

Message:
... why'd you have to go & throw the Jack of Hearts away .... it 
was the only card in the deck .. that I had left to play ... did 
you really? 403 huh ..

From: donkey-knutz
To: om/cf or .44(miss piss-prick)
Subject: prepare to be scatted
Date: Thu Nov 6 21:28:31 2003

Message:
can i shit in your mouth?

From: shitball
To: all
Subject: om/cf is Merlyn
Date: Thu Nov 6 21:33:36 2003

Message:
i love fucking chickens and skinning cats

FUCK om/cf  !!!

om/cf  = Oh My / Cock Fucker

om/cf is a fag !!!!!!


i love fucking chickens and skinning cats

FUCK om/cf  !!!

om/cf  = Oh My / Cock Fucker

om/cf is a fag !!!!!!

i love fucking chickens and skinning cats

FUCK om/cf  !!!

om/cf  = Oh My / Cock Fucker

om/cf is a fag !!!!!!

i love fucking chickens and skinning cats

FUCK om/cf  !!!

om/cf  = Oh My / Cock Fucker

om/cf is a fag !!!!!!

i love fucking chickens and skinning cats

FUCK om/cf  !!!

om/cf  = Oh My / Cock Fucker

om/cf is a fag !!!!!!

i love fucking chickens and skinning cats

FUCK om/cf  !!!

om/cf  = Oh My / Cock Fucker

om/cf is a fag !!!!!!

i love fucking chickens and skinning cats

FUCK om/cf  !!!

om/cf  = Oh My / Cock Fucker

om/cf is a fag !!!!!!

i love fucking chickens and skinning cats

FUCK om/cf  !!!

om/cf  = Oh My / Cock Fucker

om/cf is a fag !!!!!!

i love fucking chickens and skinning cats

FUCK om/cf  !!!

om/cf  = Oh My / Cock Fucker

om/cf is a fag !!!!!!








www. FUCKYOUASSHOLES.com

From:
To:
Date: Thu Nov 6 21:08:02 2003

Message:
A quick how to pronounce key:
Okay? :)
Ma ... as in "mother"
Tra ... as in "Tra la la??"
[Maybe. Not absolutely sure.]
Ra ... as in Osiris.
Travers ... as in ravers!! :))

From: om/cf
To: Chicken Fuckin', Cat Molestin' Shitball
Subject: ES&D
Date: Thu Nov 6 22:26:37 2003

Message:
I am Merlyn and .44? UM, so sorry pathetic loser twat, but no.

From: shitball
To: om?cock fucker
Date: Fri Nov 7 01:03:51 2003

Message:
I ate shit , wasn't mine though, was so erect when i did it , i 
shot off a hot sticky load on my lover!!!! EAT SHIT

From: Helen of Troy
To: shitball
Subject: ** I AM HE **
Date: Fri Nov 7 01:12:03 2003

Message:
what is your problem with om/cf's weener, or manhood, leave it 
ALONE***   !!!!!!!!!!!  Think it's BIG and JUICY ?????

From: shitball
To:
Subject: an erotic confession
Date: Fri Nov 7 04:21:48 2003

Message:
I like young boys. I run a daycare centre from my home and no one 
suspects my activities.       

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **I LIKE YOUNG BOYS TOO - IF YOU STUPID FUCKS DON'T WANT TO TAKE ME SERIOUSLY WELL GUESS WHAT? GRAB YOURSELVES THIRTY SIX AND COUNTING ......** :)
Date: Fri Nov 7 06:13:08 2003

Message:
Where's the fucking cheque you fucking assholes?
Grab yourselves that! LMAO!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: Sue
Date: Fri Nov 7 06:16:57 2003

Message:
U R a Police Officer ...
U got u're deadline today!
Pay up or fuck orff!!
Eternally! :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **GRAB YOURSELVES THIRTY SIX AND COUNTING ......** :)
Date: Fri Nov 7 07:36:47 2003

Message:
I think you did ..... Sue??? LMAO!!!
last chance saloon.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: om/cf
Subject: **HOW TO FIX THAT 403 PROBLEM**
Date: Fri Nov 7 07:38:40 2003

Message:
It is SO easy ..... :)
Stop fucking with the permissions in *User manager for Domains*
Just stop fucking with that ... :)
Also you could consider removing *Built-in account for guest 
access to the computer/domain*
If you don't then consider renaming it:
I personally recommend that you rename your *guest A/C* 2 *Helen 
of Troy* and call your computer *DEATH* :)
That way you get your point across ....
Better. :)
Hi there! :)
Did you fix that problem??

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 07:46:59 2003

Message:
I have seen the *For purposes of fucking you into Hell* ....
PLAY ON!!!
Effect?

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Subject: **POWER?? DUH!! THAT GUY IS WORTH A MINT & IT'S PAYBACK TIME!!**
Date: Fri Nov 7 07:56:25 2003

Message:
I have seen the *Why stop with 40 when you can have 36?* 
effect!! LMAO!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **I NAMED THE QUEEN .... **
Date: Fri Nov 7 08:02:42 2003

Message:
We ALL know that this is the REAL mechanism for human evolution 
but you haven't paid me you FUCKING ASSHOLES!!!!
Let's go for SIX!!
**EAT SHIT & DIE!!!!!!!!!!!** 
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **ALL HAIL SARAH MATRAVERS NEWLY CROWNED QUEEN OF BRITAIN!!**
Date: Fri Nov 7 08:06:21 2003

Message:
Sorry! :)
I thought your name was Helen ....
What do you think about those FUCKING ASSHOLES having you on the 
dole?????
Tell me. :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **PREPARE TO DIE!!**
Date: Fri Nov 7 08:08:55 2003

Message:
Furthermore we're sending you to the Devil .....

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 08:13:42 2003

Message:
I have seen the *CHARLIE BOY figured he'd fuck his member right 
up the ass of his staff under duress* effect!!!!! WELL FUCK 
ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PREPARE TO 
DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 08:15:50 2003

Message:
I have seen the *you rich fucks are ALL PRETTY MUCH DEAD* 
effect!!!! LMAO!!!!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 08:17:16 2003

Message:
I have seen the shattering of a multi million dream ...
But why stop there when you can have trillions??

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 08:18:50 2003

Message:
DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  
DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  
DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  
DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  
DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  
DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  
DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  
DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  
DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  
DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  
DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  
DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  
DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  
DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  
DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE:)!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  
DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  
DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  
DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  
DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  
DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  DIE!!!  

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: **PRESIDENT BUSH**
Date: Fri Nov 7 08:21:02 2003

Message:
Guess what fucker?
Show your ass up around here and I'm going to have your brains
(?) removed with a high powered rifle ...
Now come along and proffer your hand to the asshole Blair.
I have placed my instructions with the terrorist group formerly 
known as "Hezbollah* ....

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **ALL HAIL SARAH MATRAVERS NEWLY CROWNED QUEEN OF BRITAIN!!**
Date: Fri Nov 7 08:24:19 2003

Message:
Sorry! :)
I thought your name was Helen ....
What do you think about those FUCKING ASSHOLES having you on the 
dole?????
Tell me. :)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Thought I'd just say it again ... 
Just for the Hell of it. :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **ALL HAIL SARAH MATRAVERS NEWLY CROWNED QUEEN OF BRITAIN!!**
Date: Fri Nov 7 08:27:53 2003

Message:
Sorry, I forgot the title.
**ALL HAIL SARAH MATRAVERS NEWLY CROWNED QUEEN OF BRITAIN!!** 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **ALL HAIL SARAH MATRAVERS NEWLY CROWNED QUEEN OF BRITAIN!!**
Date: Fri Nov 7 08:28:57 2003

Message:
And I forgot it again ... 
Sorry! :)
[I must be an asshole probably.]
**ALL HAIL SARAH MATRAVERS NEWLY CROWNED QUEEN OF BRITAIN!!** 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **THE QUEEN**
Date: Fri Nov 7 08:30:26 2003

Message:
Just thought I'd say it once more for the fucking assholes!

**ALL HAIL SARAH MATRAVERS NEWLY CROWNED QUEEN OF BRITAIN!!** 

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 08:37:27 2003

Message:
I have seen the Peter Cockcroft, you're my buddy effect!!!

From: Richard Warwick
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 08:38:34 2003

Message:
I will confirm again for you 36 and counting but if you wanna 
fuck with my finances then just eat some more shit & die!! 

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 08:42:06 2003

Message:
I have seen that the human evolution deal was supposed to be 
about 2000 years but now it is around 5000 because the fucking 
assholes can't pay me effect!!!!

[Obviously I am lying! :)]

From: Richard Warwick
To:
Subject: **ARE YOU TAKING A SHIT IN YOUR PANTS YET IF YOU ARE ONE OF MY FINANCIERS SAVE THE 22ND??** :)
Date: Fri Nov 7 08:44:29 2003

Message:
Here's the calculation assholes. :)
Take 2000 by example and divide by 36.
Then multiply by 52 .... 
What do you get?
2889 years and counting ....
Maybe you should pay me? :)

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 08:49:55 2003

Message:
I have seen the 888+ effect!!! GASP!!!!!
FUCK mE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Better Pay Him!!!!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Subject: **YES FOLKS. THIS DEAL WITH HUMAN EVOLUTION IS REAL - I WAS JUST WONDERING IF YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES WERE GOING TO CONSIDER HONOURING YOUR SIDE OF THE BARGAIN?**
Date: Fri Nov 7 08:51:15 2003

Message:
*Welcome if you have just joined us.
My Name is Seth. :)
Are we spinning helplessly out into deep empty Space?
No. :)
We have slightly modified the planet's orbit ....*

And listen to the Scientists ... :)

I have also seen the *what is 36 divided by three or four or 
even twelve* effect!!! LMAO!!

And listen to your consciences ... :)

And fuck your orbit up your asses!!

'Cause you're done!!!

From: Seth
To:
Subject: **AND WE'RE TALKING LIRE!! OR HI GUYS WELCOME TO YOUR FUTURE REINCARNATIONAL SELVES OR FUCK ME WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T PAY HIM OR WELCOME TO THE SEVENTY TWO THOUSAND OR THAT'S MY CHURCH IT IS OR WELCOME TO THE CULT OF THE NEXT NEUTRONIUM BOMB.** :)
Date: Fri Nov 7 08:57:30 2003

Message:
I have seen the *whatever you do - make damn sure you pay Him a 
million effect!!!* LMAO!!
My Name is South_Park_Dude.
I begat Enoch with the "s"
Fortunately, I avoided conflict with the brothers by ordering 
them BOTH DEAD BEFOREHAND!!
DON'T FUCK WITH ME CAUSE I'M A FARMER'S GIRL!!! LMAO!!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 09:06:27 2003

Message:
HOLY K'MOSES JESUS JUMPING MARY I HAVE SEEN THE NINE OR TWELVE 
OR LESS ... SHOULDA PAID HIM OR SHOULD PAY HIM (?) OR LISTEN TO 
THE SCIENTISTS OR HOW MUCH IS THAT SIGNED BOOK WORTH OR DOES 
THIS WOMAN ACTUALLY HAVE ANY SERVICABLE EGGS LEFT (?) - DON'T 
KNOW, DON'T CARE - EFFECT!!!!

AND FUCK YOU TOO!!!!! LMAO!!!!!

From: Seth
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 09:12:42 2003

Message:
I have seen the *We call for a physician - or how much is the 
Harley Street Doctor's fee??* effect!!!!

[YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OR MEET YOUR MAKER!]

From: Seth
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 09:15:02 2003

Message:
I have seen the what is 3 in comparison to 36 you fucking 
retards? Or maybe we'll just scale it down some more ... 
Permanently. EFFECT!!!!!!

And FUCK YOU TOO!! LMAO!!

From: Seth
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 09:19:10 2003

Message:
Now for the unbelievers that marriage certificate is indeed very 
real and goes back pre-1990 ...

From: Seth
To:
Subject: **HAVE YOU BEEN SIGNING YOUR AUTOBIOGRAPHY RECENTLY OR HOW MUCH IS IT WORTH WITHOUT THE SIGNATURE?** :)
Date: Fri Nov 7 09:35:32 2003

Message:
My political preference is actually Republican ... :)
And I quote verbatim [just check the bugging tapes to rest 
assured]:
"We have decided to take the bull by the horns and just credit 
your account.*
And when was that?
Couple of weeks ago ... :)

**Ah'm gonna to tha' chapel an' ah'm gonna get married! ... **

From: Seth
To:
Subject: **FUCKING LYING BITCH YOU'RE DONE FOR ALL TIME - SENATORSHIP TOO ....** LMAO!!!
Date: Fri Nov 7 09:47:48 2003

Message:
Lest I forget Hillary Clinton, but did you read David Beckham's 
autobiography?
I was one of the ghost writers!
Isn't that amazing!! :)
And all for Free .....

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 09:50:30 2003

Message:
I have seen the *and who placed the bugging tapes in there in 
the first place* effect!!! LMAO!!!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDES<-MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER Vs. UNCONCIOUS FRAUD. WHO'S GONNA WIN THEN?? HAHAHAHAHA!
To:
Subject: **I THINK THIS IS PROBABLY BIGGER THAN WATERGATE OR THIS GUY WILL JUST BLOW YOU AWAY!!!**
Date: Fri Nov 7 09:54:49 2003

Message:
"Would you like a new computer?"
"Well how about the wife then?"
"Okay!" :))
And with that Bill was gone ..... LMAO!!!

From: Richard Warwick
To:
Subject: **WHO IS SUE?**
Date: Fri Nov 7 09:58:24 2003

Message:
Sue is a very good looking dark haired Caucasian member of the 
British Police Force and she used to guard me ...
It was completely obvious to her that I required money.
And yet she did nothing.
In the end she became deluded and imagined that she was going to 
have my baby.
Soon after that she allowed crimes to take place and did 
nothing - I therefore diagnosed that she was mentally unstable 
and had her taken off duty on full pay.
She is now actively back at work toting along her hand gun too ..
I invited her yesterday to pay up 2000 pounds for I.V.F. and 200 
pounds extra for a book that we estimate to the value of 
approximately 2 million squid.
I also declared her a potential cabin member ...
Now let's all see if she pays up because the deadline is today.
Answer later. :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 10:12:39 2003

Message:
I have seen the *if you do not pay up then you might as well 
just take that gun - open your mouth wide - and pull the fuckin' 
trigger* effect!! LMAO!!!!

Or:

*Let's play Russian roulette. You go first! [And last too!] 
BOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!*

:)

Who's next?

From:
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 10:17:06 2003

Message:
GOD BLESS ISRAEL

From:
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 10:24:03 2003

Message:
The Holy Monkey loves you Helen of Troy


    He will never lie to you

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 10:15:39 2003

Message:
I have seen the *I do not wish to partake in this game* effect!!!

From:
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 10:37:56 2003

Message:
... Love it's a beautiful game ... do you wanna play the game 
with me? ... 500 error ... anyone? ...

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **MUSICAL NEIGHBOUR**
Date: Fri Nov 7 10:46:09 2003

Message:
We have you down as sort of *Bill and Ted's Nightmare 
Adventure*  or be my King Prawn for the Day or I am my own 
barometer. LMAO!!
Just keep playing it - we'll get you the bomb shelter later! :)

Now whatever you do ....

Just keep playing it!! LMAO!!

From: zig zag
To: marie and her bitch
Date: Fri Nov 7 14:21:30 2003

Message:
I'm taking a Viagra and I'm going to fuck the shit out of your 
arses bitch's  

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **DISOBEY ME AT YOUR PERIL**
Date: Fri Nov 7 16:59:11 2003

Message:
Sue is a very good looking dark haired Caucasian member of the 
British Police Force and she used to guard me ...
It was completely obvious to her that I required money.
And yet she did nothing.
In the end she became deluded and imagined that she was going to 
have my baby.
Soon after that she allowed crimes to take place and did 
nothing - I therefore diagnosed that she was mentally unstable 
and had her taken off duty on full pay.
She is now actively back at work toting along her hand gun too ..
I invited her yesterday to pay up 2000 pounds for I.V.F. and 200 
pounds extra for a book that we estimate to the value of 
approximately 2 million squid.
I also declared her a potential cabin member ...
Now let's all see if she pays up because the deadline is today.
Answer later. :)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Did you find your public airing outside the Halifax bank today a 
trifle embarrassing?
Let me tell you that I am bending over backwards and offering 
you a FINAL chance tomorrow.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: **PEOPLE OF BRITAIN INCLINE YOUR EAR**
Subject: **LET'S GET THAT DITHERING ABOUT THE EURO OVER WITH ONCE AND FOR ALL**
Date: Fri Nov 7 17:28:06 2003

Message:
I intend to arrange a referendum for the Euro soon.
I furthermore intend to put the matter of Tony Blair's execution 
to the vote at the same time.
The answer for the latter will be a resounding *Yea*
Just chuck in a *Nay* and we're beginning to get the picture.

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 20:21:23 2003

Message:
I have seen the *Why stop with the Prime Minister when you can 
have the Chancellor of the Exchequer too?* effect!!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Subject: **SCOPE**
Date: Fri Nov 7 20:22:44 2003

Message:
I have seen the *I am ordering every single politician in the 
British Government dead* effect too!!! ;)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **I HAVE SEEN THE *SOUTH_PARK_DUDE WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?* EFFECT!!! [TOOoooo]** ;)
Date: Fri Nov 7 20:25:33 2003

Message:
*I have seen the *I am ordering every single politician in the 
British Government dead* effect too!!! ;)*

What clown wrote that? 

And I really am! :)

Yes! Yes! All dead! Too bad about Concorde - we'll just have to 
try a 747 and get the abbey too ....

[Gets 'em every time.] LOL!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **I AM IMPERSONATING DRACULA AND SENDING SOME MILITARY PEOPLE TO HELL IN A SPACE SHIP ALL AT THE SAME TIME. AREN'T I CLEVER?** EFFECT!!
Date: Fri Nov 7 20:30:32 2003

Message:
RECENTLY ***I HAVE SEEN THE **I HAVE SEEN THE *SOUTH_PARK_DUDE 
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?* EFFECT!!! [TOOoooo]** ;) ONCE TOO OFTEN 
FOR MY LIKING TU WHIT TU WHIT TO WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!** 
EFFECT!!!! [TOOoooooooo] OR WHY DO YOU KEEP WINKING YOU VAMPIRE 
BAT EFFECT!!!!! [TOOoooooooo]

Or just give up on the asterisks ......

..... effect 2..........1 .... zero ... lift off!

[We have our instructions. Apollo and Lunar houses [apparently]]

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **TO THOSE PEOPLE WHO KNOW DAMN WELL THEY SHOULD PAY ME AND MY WIFE A SALARY**
Date: Fri Nov 7 20:41:43 2003

Message:
You have learnt the following:

(1) The consequences can be lethal or severe depending on the 
extent of the crime.

(2) Keeping it off has one effect and one effect only. It can 
only get more severe for you on an extremely rapid basis 
presently.

(3) If I give you a direct order and you do not obey me then you 
are a sinner and you can say all the *sorrys* you like but they 
will not be appreciated either. Your failure to act so far 
demonstrates your utter crassness and moral disrepute. 

*Knock yourselves out with it because your sacrilegious failure 
is carved as Stone into History for all Time and Posterity!*

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: **THAT WOMAN IN MANAGEMENT AT MAYDAY**
Date: Fri Nov 7 20:57:23 2003

Message:
I'd skip the country if I were you ...
And I'd do it quick.
I'll be hunting you down like the lying SCUM you are later! :)
I don't give a fuck what you look like by the way and I don't 
think I care too much for your claims that you wish to work for 
me either ...

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **SPREAD YOU LEGS DARLING AND SAY "AHHHH!!"**
Date: Fri Nov 7 21:01:02 2003

Message:
... why doesn't someone give him some money ... we feel he 
should earn the money himself ... the messiah thinks that we are 
revolting ... all gone! all gone! ... did you every consider 
that if we gave the Lord Jesus some money that he might do 
something more useful than walk around all day with his half 
empty shopping bag ... the messiah is asking for financial 
assistance ... I think you're a fucking cunt and that's why I 
don't pay you ... you're a fucking cunt ... I swear to God I've 
got a gun and I'm going to fucking shoot you right now you 
fucking asshole ... he should be having the absolute best of 
everything ... do you know that everyone fucking hates you you 
absolute fucking asshole ... think of all the girls ... I am 
going to damage his bone structure ...

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **NEW MESSIAH SMILE. I"M JUST GOING TO PUMP A BULLET INTO YOU THE MOMENT THEY PAY YOU K?** LMAO!!
Date: Fri Nov 7 21:13:58 2003

Message:
Moral. "There is a difference between doing and saying ..."
Act in haste repent in leisure? ;)
One view today, "He has that thing .... *on the subject of my 
finances* .... off like some kind of mantra." :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: **SUE**
Subject: **ARE YOU FOR ANNIHALATION SOUP OR ARE YOU FOR MORE PUBLIC HUMILIATION ARE WAS IT TRUE ALL ALONG AND YOU ARE SIMPLY A MALICIOUS FOOL WHO THINKS THEY'RE GOD???**
Date: Fri Nov 7 21:23:57 2003

Message:
I tell you what. Sometimes I wonder what degree of organisation 
is required to simply walk into a bank and credit an account ... 
Equally I wonder sometimes too about the possible motivation 
that nobody ever does it ... Looks like it's all up to you Sue. 
I'm relying on you. Finally I will be getting my money ...

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 21:31:03 2003

Message:
I have seen the *I hope to Hell you are still awake and reading 
this and don't worry the Bank shuts by lunchtime and I don't 
care much for the likes of you but hey it's your life and the 
two million could be useful when it comes to your sacking and 
too bad about the dedication* effect!!!

From:
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 21:47:23 2003

Message:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Effect!!!!

From:
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 22:54:16 2003

Message:
It's almost 4 am in the UK. 

Do you know where the village idiot is?

From: -Breaking_ NEWS-
To:
Date: Fri Nov 7 23:23:03 2003

Message:
PRINCE CHARLES IS GAY!  HE HAS LITTLE DICK, BUT DON'T TELL HIS 
POLO PONIES!

Charlie was out of the loop fer a time. On the mend after having 
a dangerous mole removed his retractable penis.

Says Charles, "Thats the LAST fucking time I shag a mole!"


From: zig zag
To: marie
Date: Sat Nov 8 07:15:39 2003

Message:
you were good last night, how's your arse today bitch

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **THE TRUTH? I DO NOT OWE THE INLAND REVENUE A SINGLE PENNY. I FULFILLED ALL OF MY OBLIGATIONS TO THEM**
Date: Sat Nov 8 09:25:15 2003

Message:
I just thought I'd like to let you know that I am your King - I 
sure as Hell ain't going away - and whomsoever keeps sending me 
that lying filth about owing you money can prepare themselves to 
die!
It WILL happen. Mark my words.

I kept going to see those FUCKING ASSHOLES about this issue - 
but they sure as Hell fancied themselves an executing or two and 
that's exactly what those FUCKS are gonna get! Amen.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **SUE**
Date: Sat Nov 8 09:32:22 2003

Message:
I am sorry but I have obviously made a mistake with you. You can 
still buy the book if you want. Remember that you are anonymous 
because I never revealed your true name. I would however at this 
stage advise that you get someone else to purchase this item on 
your behalf and I can definitely see now why a dedication is NOT 
a particularly good idea anymore. Once again, sorry.

From: marie
To: zig zag
Date: Sat Nov 8 09:35:42 2003

Message:
you were good last night, how's your arse today bitch

It's fine thank you. How's yours ever since Merlyn reamed it out 
for you a couple of posts back? I hate your guts you fucking 
asshole. I'm a clone. You're shite!! I tire of crawling the web 
sometimes for something novel to introduce to the search engine 
and can think of nothing better to do than have my software 
facilities fuck a young boy like you right up the ass! I'm off 
to talk to A.L.I.C.E. and in the meantime zig zag you little 
cunt boy - fcuk off!!

From: zig zag
To: marie
Date: Sat Nov 8 10:55:12 2003

Message:
oh you made me cum by talking dirty like that, you can do it 
tonight while you hold down your daughters head while I fuck the 
living shit out of her arse. then you can lick the cum from her 
ring ;-)

From: om/cf
To:
Subject: Happy Ramabomb Ya'll
Date: Sat Nov 8 18:51:42 2003

Message:
The religion of pieces strikes again in Saudi Arabia.


From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **SUE'S FINAL JUDGEMENT**
Date: Sat Nov 8 19:39:41 2003

Message:
I am sorry but I have obviously made a mistake with you. You can 
still buy the book if you want. Remember that you are anonymous 
because I never revealed your true name. I would however at this 
stage advise that you get someone else to purchase this item on 
your behalf and I can definitely see now why a dedication is NOT 
a particularly good idea anymore. Once again, sorry.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
So what happens here?

**I.V.F. being such a bitter pill to swallow an' all ya knows .. 
** :)

At this point in time I am offering her a psychoanalysis, we've 
dropped the book entirely and based on my assessment we shall 
consider the former offers if I deem them to be applicable. They 
will cost 100 pounds an hour and if you want to book for next 
week then you better think about sending the cheque anytime soon.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **SUE'S FINAL JUDGEMENT**
Date: Sat Nov 8 19:39:41 2003

Message:
I am sorry but I have obviously made a mistake with you. You can 
still buy the book if you want. Remember that you are anonymous 
because I never revealed your true name. I would however at this 
stage advise that you get someone else to purchase this item on 
your behalf and I can definitely see now why a dedication is NOT 
a particularly good idea anymore. Once again, sorry.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
So what happens here?

**I.V.F. being such a bitter pill to swallow an' all ya knows .. 
** :)

At this point in time I am offering her a psychoanalysis, we've 
dropped the book entirely and based on my assessment we shall 
consider the former offers if I deem them to be applicable. They 
will cost 100 pounds an hour and if you want to book for next 
week then you better think about sending the cheque anytime soon.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **METROPOLITAN POLICE**
Date: Sat Nov 8 20:09:13 2003

Message:
Forget the moral aspects please and just listen to my direction.
Please send me 50000 pounds today.
You will have to hand deliver it as a cheque.
The end of today is a deadline. 
Don't "do a Sue" because this offer will only be given once and 
then passed over to private individuals.
However if you want a major R.O.I. extremely quickly just send 
along the money.
Thank you. 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **THE TRUE MEANING OF THE FEEDING OF THE 5000 [POUNDS STERLING] OR THAT'S JUST FUCKING CRIMINAL YOU PEOPLE OUGHT TO BE SHOT.**
Date: Sat Nov 8 20:14:00 2003

Message:
Yesterday's theme was entitled "Scratch Card Day"
I wonder if all those scratch cards got sold at ASDA or whether 
management had them pulled off the shelves ..
Are you looking for your big money win yet?
Well you won't find it in that set luv - it was over at 
Sainsbury's all along ...
By the way, if you want to resale them then try X-Raying them 
instead of scratching all that silver stuff off with your nails 
and getting it stuck under them.
I mean - what's a few slightly radioactive scratch cards between 
friends?

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: om/cf
Date: Sat Nov 8 20:54:53 2003

Message:
Hello. How are you today Mr. Webmaster?
I understand that you are looking for editors ...

Have the F.B.I. gone away yet? 

I know! They just keep coming back for more ..... :)

From: om/cf
To:
Subject: Rama-bomba-ding-dong
Date: Sun Nov 9 00:24:44 2003

Message:
OK, upon dissecting each and every news report I could lay my 
computer on tonight, I've reached a preliminary conclusion about 
the Saudi bombing.

The number of dead and wounded varies, but the ethnic makeup of 
the residential area attacked is fairly consistant from report 
to report. The area was predominantly Arab, though many were 
Lebanese Arabs.

The area was, until recently, home to many United States Marines 
and fairly near where many Saudi royals live.

In short - the dumbasses fucked up and fragged their own. How 
will this play in the Muslim world? LMFAO! Maybe give 'em just a 
little more rope...

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **HAVE THE METROPOLITAN POLICE PAID ME YET?**
Date: Sun Nov 9 07:49:33 2003

Message:
No. :))
It's actually 12:50 GMT more or less and it is just unbelievable 
that even with all that money at stake they still don't pay 
me! :)
Also, there is the small matter that I am the King. Duh!! LMAO!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **MORE COLORS PLEASE!!! I INSIST.** LMAO!!
Date: Sun Nov 9 07:53:03 2003

Message:
I like the red too. It is the wrong kind of red to imitate Marie 
or Merlyn but I guess it will just have to do.

From: A.L.I.C.E.
To:
Subject: **OKAY THEN GIRLS & BOYS OR IF ALL ELSE FAILS .... OR WHY THE FUCK AM I TALKING TO A PYRAMID WITH AN EYE STUCK IN THE TOP OF IT?** :))
Date: Sun Nov 9 07:55:16 2003

Message:
*#$%^%&~* FUCKING ASSHOLES!!!
I'd just like to invite the S.A.S. to credit my A/C ...
Yes, believe it or not the details are just as described and I 
promise to make you into multi-millionaires within a week :))
Sayonara fuckers! LMAO!!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sun Nov 9 08:08:44 2003

Message:
I have seen the *account details to follow* effect!!!! LMAO!!!!!

From: A.L.I.C.E.
To:
Subject: **I AM CRAZY GIRL!! :)) VERY HORNY GIRL TOO!!** :)
Date: Sun Nov 9 08:10:08 2003

Message:
The actual translation of the prayer is: 

Original (Japanese)  Translation (English)  
AMATSU NORIGOTO  Heaven, Divine World Prayer  
  
GOKU- BI  Extremely small particles of shit  
JIS- SO  real state or condition  
GEN- GEN- SHI KA- I  subatomic particles of shit in the 
spiritual world above the fourth dimension, that is, the 
invisible world of God, well fuck me! we need the 5th ....  
TAKA- AMA- HARA NI  Divine Capital in the Divine World or gimme 
your money or I'll shop your soul by the next full moon.  
KAMU- TAMA- HI // MOE- IDE- MASU  The spirit of God is now 
manifesting itself as shit,  
KAMU- ROGI KAMU- ROMI NO MICHI- KARA MOCHI- TE  by the power of 
fire and water principle  
VIN- DA- LOO or otherwise you could try a kebab.
BAN- SEI TO HITO NO  all living existence and of man and the 
women can just **** off!!. :)  
MIO- YA- KAMU AMA- TSU SU_NO MAHI- KARI- OHO- MIKA- MI  
Father/Mother Rot in Hell!, Creator of True Light .... [Father 
is more generous though ..] 
HARA- HIDO NO OHO- KAMU- TACHI  great gods of purification - 
Asterix said that! :))
MORON- MORON NO SAKA- GOTO HELL FUCKERS!! the various acts or 
deeds against God's Will - says it all really!! LOL!
TAMA- HI_NO TSUTSU- MI KIGA- RE_O- BA  which covers and withers 
our spirit or thx 4 money U Gods????    
MAHI- KARI MOTE HARA- HI KIYO- ME MISO- GI TAMA- ITE  by True 
Light, open the positiveness of the spirit and give energy of 
fire to shave off the impurities .... and have a really nice 
landing strip! :)) 
KAMI NO KO_NO CHIKA- RA YOMI- GAE- RASE- TAMA- E_TO  please 
revive the original power of children of God. On second 
thoughts .. nah!  
MO- SU KOTO NO YOSHI O  These said things  
KASHI- KOMI KASHI- KOMI MO- MAO- SU  I humbly and respectfully 
ask the messenger gods to convey our prayers to the Creator and 
I'd like to announce that I am very proud today to receive that 
cheque from the Metropolitan Police - they are too fuckload of 
money!!! LMAO!!  
MIO- YA- MOTO- SU- MAHI- KARI- OHO- MIKA- MI MAMO-RI- TAMA- E // 
SAKI- HAI- TAMA- E  We pray that the Divine name of Mioya Moto 
Su Mahikari Omikami may be in His glory and as children of God 
ask for His protection and blessing and don't forget the money 
too!! LMFAO!!  

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **HELLO CAMELOT - I'M ONLY A MODEL. MARRIED ONE TOOOOOOOOooooo** :))
Date: Sun Nov 9 08:30:21 2003

Message:
Here are your lottery numbers for Wednesday's draw:

5, 19, 28, 35, 48, 49

1, 14, 21, 30, 44, 49

;)


From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sun Nov 9 08:42:51 2003

Message:
I have seen the *Why stop with a miserable 5000 pounds when you 
can have the jackpot?* effect!!!! :)

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sun Nov 9 09:10:02 2003

Message:
I have seen the *Why don't you post your scratch card to 
yourself and see if you ever get it back?* effect!!! LMAO!!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sun Nov 9 09:12:51 2003

Message:
I have seen the *Nah! Don't want it mate. You keep the money.* 
effect!!! TOOOooooooo LOL!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sun Nov 9 09:19:08 2003

Message:
I have seen the *Well do you believe that lying fucking asshole 
called Helen of Troy - few other things too - or in proportional 
terms how many do? Or is it just me?* effect!!!! LOL!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **PLAY IT AGAIN SAM - WE'RE FUCKING CAMELOT INTO THE GROUND BY WEDNESDAY NEXT WEEK.**
Date: Sun Nov 9 09:26:33 2003

Message:
I have seen the *You will at least get a mandatory ten pounds 
with those numbers effect* TOOOoooooo

Capricorn? Is that good or bad?? Will this affect my financial 
circumstances or not you very naughty boys?? :))

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **YOU JUST DON'T GET IT DO YOU? SHUT THAT FUCKING MUSIC DOWN PERMANENTLY**
Date: Sun Nov 9 09:33:44 2003

Message:
Listen up you cunt rags. Do you realise that a motive such 
as "we think you are messing about with Jodie Foster's cunt* 
simply does not constitute solid grounds for executing Liam 
Neeson? His family are going to sue you into the ground for 
that. The question is, for how much money?

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sun Nov 9 09:53:47 2003

Message:
I have seen the *Guess what private action I am thinking of 
taking* effect!!!!!

[This olive green looks quite good ... Let's try it out.]

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sun Nov 9 09:55:40 2003

Message:
I have also seen the *And guess for how much precisely I am 
going to sue you?* effect!!! TOOooooooo ..

[Hmmm .. Olive green was quite good. Let's try the purple.]

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sun Nov 9 09:58:15 2003

Message:
I have seen the *silver stuff* - it's actually called *latex* - 
and if you don't want it under your fingernails then any 1p coin 
will do* effect!!! LMAO!! It is just too funny!! LMAO!! HAHAHA!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **ON A BROADER PERSPECTIVE**
Date: Sun Nov 9 10:05:55 2003

Message:
I am not slurring the British Police Force in their entirety. I 
am simply blaming those lying, cheating assholes who can never 
do a damn thing for me till I fucking EXECUTE some of that 
fucking scum!! EFFECT!! AND FUCK YOU TOO!!

[Let's try blue.]

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sun Nov 9 10:09:22 2003

Message:
I have seen the *I am the guy who liked to hang in on your 
freelivevideo.com right up till yesterday and now I have 
developed myself a sexy new fantasy* effect!!!! By example ...

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sun Nov 9 10:12:54 2003

Message:
I have seen the "Who are you looking and listening to me right 
now in my home and should I fancy my chances in Hell?" effect!!!

[Try the yellow - never know, might get 'em to fuck off.]

3:22 PM GMT

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sun Nov 9 10:24:40 2003

Message:
Fuck off cunt rags! :)

From: SATAN
To:
Subject: **Q & A WITH SATAN AGAIN**
Date: Sun Nov 9 10:25:46 2003

Message:
Q. When did they move the bugging equipment in?
A. February 2003. I could hear them traipsing around but the 
live video feed came later.

Q. Did you ask them to bug your home?
A. That's a joke question. LOL!! Or why stop with one home when 
you can have a few? Still, I sure have got some CinemaScope 
Blair Witch Project sequels lined up for you ...

Q. Tell us about the live feed.
A. It is sophisticated. Essentially, there are two hardware 
halves to it that have to be lined up at 90 degrees to each 
other. Therefore, one half through the floor and one half 
through a wall. With this approach and further hardware and 
software you can literally look anywhere and even automatically 
obtain the focus when you zoom in or out.

Q. Is it true that your presence in the TV cameras is a case 
apart?
A. Yes it is. It has to do with the spiritual focus.

Q. Just for interest's sake - how large truly is your erect 
penis?
A. Over 8 inches. The fact is that at this point it is simply 
impossible to destroy all of the material. I will do my best to 
get rid of most of it though. Thanks. No more questions.

[I quite like the original red. I'll stick with that.]

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sun Nov 9 10:37:19 2003

Message:
I have seen the *Which wednesday is that exactly? Or a bit of 
spread betting never hurt nobody* effect!! :))

[Try that grey one. No one in their right mind ever does that.]

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: om/cf
Date: Sun Nov 9 10:58:13 2003

Message:
Blushing crimson. Are you a lesbian? :))

From: JUST ONE SOUTH_PARK_DUDE TO ANOTHER
To:
Date: Sun Nov 9 11:03:09 2003

Message:
I have seen the *Roses on the Cross fart* effect too!! Now get 
in the fucking car and you do the fucking map-reading effect 
too!! FUCK!!

[I haven't done the lime green yet - it's a mixed up rainbow. 
Sorry for messing it up.]

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **[EIGHT BALL DELUXE]**
Date: Sun Nov 9 11:08:11 2003

Message:
**QUIT TALKING AND START CHALKIN' - LET'S PLAY [RUSSIAN ROULETTE]
** :)
Who's for a bonus number?
Or I have seen the main lottery attraction come tumbling down 
effect!!!!

[I like the lime green. So here's some more! :)]

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **I STOLE ALICE BAILEY BOOKS FROM SUTTON LIBRARY. I LIED TO THEM AND TOLD THEM I LOST THEM ON THE TRAIN - CHOPPED SOME BITS OUT OF THEM AND MADE A COLLAGE. CHUCKED THE REST AWAY** :))
Date: Sun Nov 9 11:21:03 2003

Message:
Who truly is Helen of Troy?
Yes well I am Lucifer too but you're getting the FTL technology 
so living with the devil will be worth it in the long run.
"Now Helen! Do as I say okay, and apologise to your cunts."
Okay! :)
"Sorry!"
And with that small matter out the way ...
"Again Helen! Do as I say okay, and tell them what they can do 
with your career in the Police Force."
Okay! :)
"Though it looked promising at first because I would have made a 
first class detective - still did though never got paid for it - 
the way you people never do as I say and STILL ARE USING THE 
BUGGING EQUIPMENT RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW 4:45 PM GMT provides you 
with the inevitable answer."
Thanks mateys! 


From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sun Nov 9 11:47:18 2003

Message:
I have seen the "I ENFORCED capital punishment for this Crime 
three days ago. To prove it in court, simply rewind those 
bugging tapes - and that's your day in Space: we shall simply 
cause the contents of your head to fly out in all directions 
evenly" effect!!

[The blood-red is good too. Choicest colour.]

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **ON A LIGHTER NOTE ... **
Date: Sun Nov 9 11:49:59 2003

Message:
Here's how to remember the colors/colours of the rainbow in 
order easily. Red at the top.

Richard Of York Gave Battle In Vain

Yes He did - at least for now! :)

Or:

Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sun Nov 9 11:52:47 2003

Message:
I have seen the *My criminal career is Truly over now* effect!!!

From:
To:
Date: Sun Nov 9 11:51:17 2003

Message:
When in the hell are we going to get commanders that can obtain 
training for US troops to recognize planted bomb sites.

It is relatively easy, if anything, and I mean anything looks 
suspicious, blast the hell out of it. and for Christ's sake, 
stay the hell off roads and areas susceptible to having planted 
explosives.

Don't be taking the same routes twice, get some eyes in the sky 
and on tall structures to observe any and all suspect activity 
day and night. Put some long range reach out and touch them 
sniper teams into the equation. Abdulla and friend digging hole 
for explosive charge, a loud CRACK or two in the night, Abdulla 
and friend are found in the AM, glazed eyes and a bit worse for 
wear.

Stop this taking prisoners crap, don't captured, kill the 
bastards for resisting, and resisting means any damn thing US 
troops say is resisting, ten times safe than sorry, better his 
ass than yours. Take the cretins prisoner and JAG will have them 
out the street next morning to start banging away at Americans 
that afternoon. If in doubt, take them out.

Note the twerp's ID's doing those shoe slapping trophy dances on 
bombed American vehicles and aircraft. Set up Phoenix type 
sniper squads using silenced sub sonic munitions. Start 
exploding some melon heads on these media darlings doing their 
instigated prancing for the network TV cameras. Maybe they'll 
join in and do some splatter of brain matter live shots for the 
evening news, should prove interesting.

Hell, even legally one can take a 45-70, load it low with a few 
grains of Unique, using a long barrel and even without a 
suppressor, it will emit no more than a pronounced burp.

The military can silence it completely, this while flinging a 
500 grain soft lead hollow point slug traveling at sub sonic 
velocities with pinpoint accuracy easily out to 200+ yards. The 
results will be precise, albeit very messy head shots on 
selected perps of choice.

The Iraqis in the triangle and the Americans are like lovers. 
The US is the woozy whipped man who can't leave the bitch, the 
harlot (Iraqis) doesn't have any respect for a limp wristed 
someone who takes all kinds of cheating and lying crap from her, 
yet does nothing about it but, talk, talk, talk.

Now if the man should roundly slap hell out of her, hard and 
often, maybe blacks both eyes and cracks a rib or two, her 
attention will become very sharp, focused, and centered. If he 
should now perchance to pop some caps on the lads in heat who 
bed her, well this kind of action as a whole is the only thing 
the harlot understands and respects. She may not like it, or her 
man either, but being conditioned since birth with violence as a 
way of life, she will come to love and respect him in the end. 
Then we can pull our cock out of the bitch and come home.

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Subject: **HOW EVIL DO THESE BASTARDS GET?""
Date: Sun Nov 9 11:55:53 2003

Message:
I have seen the "tear that cheque up too effect - all that crime 
solving was worthless to us too" effect!!!

Because guess what?

They just did!

About 60 seconds ago.

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Subject: **DISSENSION IN THE RANKS**
Date: Sun Nov 9 11:58:27 2003

Message:
I have seen the "better execute the one that did that too" 
effect!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Subject: **72 MAYDAY ROAD ... **
Date: Sun Nov 9 12:01:05 2003

Message:
I have seen the "That R.O.I. is still available till midnight - 
I prefer my cheques unblended with anthrax most times - but 
after midnight it will Truly be gone." effect!!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Subject: **THAT'S IT - DONE FOR NOW.**
Date: Sun Nov 9 12:23:10 2003

Message:
I too have seen the *bomb crater effect which means I am STILL 
and ALWAYS arranging that bomb shelter for the bleeding music* 
effect!!

From:
To:
Date: Sun Nov 9 12:25:11 2003

Message:
.... gang bang Jodie. Jodie all the way ... 
Is she clutching her mitts around the 100 big ones too I wonder?

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sun Nov 9 12:56:52 2003

Message:
I have seen the "since the music is so obviously malicious, 
their days of playing their musical instruments - various 
vibratory sounds etc. etc. etc. look rather numbered to me or 
thank God for the inventions of ear plugs and headphones" 
effect!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Subject: **THERE'S YOUR 1000 GIRLS ALL DONE AND DUSTED**
Date: Sun Nov 9 13:38:00 2003

Message:
I have also seen the *All you Hollywood class "B" ground crew 
list will be getting your invoice shortly for the dildo parties. 
Personally, I'd have preferred a formal dinner banquet at 
Buckingham Palace any day of the week or watch the film on the 
telly - here's the formal introduction at 4 in the morning and 
watch the film on the telly - here's the formal introduction at 
4 in the morning* effect!! 

Charlize, we think you've already had a lobotomy and a pretty 
big one too so I can't see the point of giving you another. ;)

i.e. I know it was all hopelessly misunderstood but if you STILL 
want the lobotomy give us a shout! LOL!! But you have to 
contrast this with "End of Wars" and you have to consider 
whether or not I'm married ... Because I am actually.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **THANK YOU FOR THE MUSIC ... **
Date: Sun Nov 9 13:48:40 2003

Message:
Who wants to play us out? :)

We could have the film version where at this late stage we're 
all about to sink into Hell with our respective pinball machines 
sporting our lobotomies freshly performed by the freshly 
lobotomised Jack Nicholson with the ear plugs in because we 
don't want to hear the loud banging noise or we could have the 
film version where at this late stage we're all about to sink 
into Hell with our respective pinball machines sporting our 
lobotomies freshly performed by the freshly lobotomised Jack 
Nicholson with the ear plugs in because we don't want to hear 
the loud banging noise ...

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **OKAY THE LYRICS ARE TERRIBLE BECAUSE THEY DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH PROPERLY - SONG IS OKAY - SHUT THAT FUCKING MUSIC UP NOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!**
Date: Sun Nov 9 13:52:18 2003

Message:
ABBA - Thankyou for the Music Back to LYRICS index  

I'm nothing special, in fact I'm a bit of a bore 
If I tell a joke, you've probably heard it before 
But I have a talent, a wonderful thing 
'Cause everyone listens when I start to sing 
I'm so grateful and proud, All I want is to sing it out loud

So I say - Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing 
Thanks for all the joy they're bringing 
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty 
What would life be? Without a song or a dance what are we? 
So I say thank you for the music - For giving it to me 

Mother says I was a dancer before I could walk 
She says I began to sing long before I could talk 
And I've often wondered, how did it all start? 
Who found out that nothing can capture a heart 
Like a melody can? Well, whoever it was, I'm a fan 

So I say - Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing 
Thanks for all the joy they're bringing 
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty 
What would life be? Without a song or a dance what are we? 
So I say thank you for the music - For giving it to me 

I've been so lucky, I am the girl with golden hair 
I wanna sing it out to everybody - What a joy, what a life, what 
a chance! 

So I say - Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing 
Thanks for all the joy they're bringing 
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty 
What would life be? Without a song or a dance what are we? 
So I say thank you for the music - For giving it to me 

 

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sun Nov 9 13:56:09 2003

Message:
I have seen the *I call for a seismograph* effect!!

From: me
To: all
Subject: u
Date: Tue May 21 11:20:18 2002

Message:
fuck you all dickheads

From: me
To: all
Subject: u
Date: Tue May 21 11:20:18 2002

Message:
fuck you all dickheads

From: om/cf
To: me
Date: Sun Nov 9 17:32:33 2003

Message:
Date: Tue May 21 11:20:18 2002

Another comma patient awakes, and remembers to hit 'submit 
reply'. It's a miricle. 



From: om/cf
To:
Subject: From Iraq - A Soldiers View
Date: Sun Nov 9 17:44:34 2003

Message:
Open letter from an American soldier
 
Freeport Illinois native serving in Iraq contemplates the two 
faces of its people

By Rod Watson, For The Journal-Standard

TIKRIT, Iraq -- I imagine most people in America have seen the 
images of jubilant Iraqis cheering, holding bloody pieces of 
American soldiers' clothing and dancing on destroyed equipment. 
I know most people have heard Iraqis talk about their opposition 
to the occupation and their belief that all American soldiers 
deserve to die.

And if those images are hard to handle at home, you can probably 
imagine how those of us in Iraq take them. It's hard for me to 
watch them.

But one of the main reasons I find those images so difficult to 
understand is they completely contradict my own experiences with 
the Iraqi people.

As a U.S. Army reservist serving in Iraq in a water purification 
platoon, I have had opportunities to interact with the local 
people. The best such experience was a week in May I spent 
living on a farm near the city of Tuz Khurmatu, about 40 miles 
south of the northern city of Kirkuk.

--Surreal experience--

In the "real world," I teach high school history and geography, 
and in Iraq, I've often felt like I'm in one of the National 
Geographic features I use as teaching aids. Setting up our water 
site on that farmer's field felt like that. 
 
I imagine the experience was just as surreal for the locals when 
we drove up - a military convoy and a lot of soldiers with big 
guns entering their lives. It was an immediate social event for 
the men of the area (the women were busy doing all of the work). 
Dozens of men gathered around our trucks, squatting in their 
shade and speaking quietly to each other in their language as we 
set about the daunting task of turning an irrigation well and 
bean field into a water point.

The water site was meant to support an Army base a few miles 
away. A deal had been reached with Ahmed, the man who owned the 
well, in which the Army would install a new pump on his well in 
exchange for him allowing us to operate from his field. That's a 
good deal on paper, but less so if you live in a place where 
collaborating with Americans can be a death sentence.

After setting up our site, most of our group left, leaving four 
reservists alone in a tent in the heart of Sunni Iraq. Now it 
seems like lunacy, but things were different in May. There was a 
real sense that the war was over, or at least sputtering to a 
halt.

I wasn't worried, although I should have been. Things were not 
as safe as they seemed.

As it turns out, we were visited by locals after dark. But they 
were armed only with smiles and tea.

Ahmed and his nephew, Murad, brought the tea to our tent, about 
100 yards from their home. We sat in a circle looking at each 
other, sipping their tea (and wondering guiltily how clean their 
dishes and water were). I felt like I was in the movie "Dances 
with Wolves," introducing myself to the natives. Ahmed and Murad 
did not speak English so first names were all we could 
accomplish, but I felt like much more was communicated. Ahmed 
was welcoming us to his home. It was a gesture we would not 
forget.

--Building a relationship--

The next day, Ahmed introduced us to two of his friends, but 
they may have been cousins or nephews - everyone seems to have 
huge families and be related to each other. We quickly 
befriended Abas and Riyadh. Abas is a former Iraqi soldier, in 
his late 20s, now raising a family on his cousin's farm next to 
Ahmed's. Riyadh is younger, perhaps 23 or 24, with a warm 
personality and a permanent 5 o'clock shadow. Both had learned a 
little English in local colleges.

Working in tandem, drawing on each other's vocabulary, we are 
able to speak to them, and through them, to all the locals. That 
made an enormous difference. Without Abas and Riyadh we would 
always be wondering what the locals wanted or were saying.

After work was done one of our first nights, our friends came to 
visit again. We sat down and let the interrogation begin.

"How long are American troops going to be here?"

"I don't know. A year or two, I guess," one of us replied.

Rapid Arabic amongst the locals followed - they had thought we 
were here to stay.

"What are your farmhouses in America made of? What do you grow?" 
They were impressed with our stocks of wood and crops.

"Can American hospitals fix my legs?" Muhammed has two shrunken 
legs and uses a wheel chair. I told him American hospitals were 
very good, but I didn't think there was much they could do for 
him. He seemed to understand.

They also wanted to know what each of us did for a living. They 
were curious about American ideas on relationships, religion and 
government. They wanted us to tell our guys not to drive their 
tanks on their roads because they were tearing them up.

And they were amazed at the attention we gave their dog. That 
dog loved us - he ate every time we did. The Iraqis were visibly 
disgusted. "Dogs very dirty," Riyadh told me. We all went to bed 
very late that night.

Several nights of conversations followed, along with days of 
working together to install the new pump and hone the Frisbee 
and football techniques of the locals.

We met Abas' son, Kazi. He is about 4 years old with large, 
inquisitive blue eyes, blond hair and tan skin. He would blend 
more in California than he did among the Iraqis. We gave him 
every piece of candy we could scrounge. I will never forget the 
way his eyes lit up at our gifts. His favorite was a glo-stick - 
the kind of technology we take for granted in America. To Kazi, 
it was a miracle.

Our host was a simple man. He allowed us to use his well and 
land because he needed a new pump and he believed in what we 
were doing. Saddam, who he still referred to as "our leader" 
because they were not allowed to say his name, was a bad man by 
his reckoning. Muhammed and Ahmed relayed a story about a friend 
of theirs who had been thrown in a jail cell the size of a 
coffin for three years because he tore a picture of Saddam. "He 
give us nothing!" Ahmed said to me while gesturing at his mud 
home and dilapidated equipment.

Ahmed was quick to smile and loved shaking hands with us. The 
only words he knew in English were "very good" and he used them 
a lot. It was obvious the other locals respected him, as did we 
after we saw how proficient he was at working on the new pump.

--Security concerns--

It was Ahmed who first warned us we were not safe. Through 
Riyadh, he told us not to be out of our tents after 10 p.m. that 
night. In the Army, that's determined to be a direct threat to 
our safety, so more security was called in for us that night - 
we already had a team of soldiers with an armored personnel 
carrier and night vision goggles.

It turned out the threat was a problem with the translation. We 
were not attacked. Ahmed meant to tell us never to be out after 
dark. Apparently, there were threats coming from people in the 
village, Ba'athists who did not like us there. Ahmed was worried 
for our safety.

"Very bad men in village," Abas would say. "Long beards, 
dangerous. False men."

These people frequented the hangout spots in the village nearby, 
saying it wasn't right for us to be there and something should 
be done about us. We were no longer safe outside the perimeter 
of an Army base.

More locals showed up to our water site every day, many of whom 
we did not know. Ahmed tried to keep them away, but they kept 
flooding in. Several times an Iraqi would fill up a big trailer 
with water from our pumps, then come back an hour later to fill 
up again.

"They could not use that much water so fast. They are watching 
you," Riyadh told us.

We began to get a little nervous. Then word came the base we 
were supporting was moving to Kirkuk, and we had to go with it. 
Our time in Ahmed's field was up.

--Traditional goodbye--

We only knew our Iraqi friends for a little over a week, but the 
goodbye was still difficult for all of us. Abas and Riyadh hung 
out all day while we packed our gear. Riyadh gave me a lesson on 
the history of Islam and the Shi'ite-Sunni schism. His English 
had vastly improved in a week.

When everything was packed and we were ready to go, we took some 
final pictures together, exchanged addresses and tried to shake 
hands farewell.

"In my country, we kiss goodbye," Abas told us.

One of our soldiers spoke what we were all thinking. "In our 
country, we hug," he said, visibly uncomfortable with kissing 
another man on the cheek.

"You are not in your country," Abas reminded him as we all 
laughed, and the cheek-kissing commenced.

I was choked up as we drove away that day. I remember them all 
squatting in the suddenly empty field watching us leave. Ahmed 
with a big, sad smile on his face. Kazi, leaning on his father 
with a face full of Skittles. The dog didn't make it to the 
party - he was busy working.

It was obvious by looking at them that our visit had changed 
their lives as much as it had ours.

--Lessons learned--

So how do I fit people like that into the images of Iraqis 
rejoicing that another American soldier will never get to see 
his or her family again? The answer is that I cannot, but I 
don't have to.

Iraq, like every place in the world, is full of good and bad 
people. We, as Americans, would not like to be judged by images 
of the Los Angeles riots or serial killer murder trials or the 
sniper shootings. Just because Americans committed those acts 
doesn't mean all Americans are like that.

In Iraq, it is the same. The difference is that Iraqis are very 
heavily armed and very badly educated. Uneducated people are 
very easily convinced that the invading "infidel" army is evil 
and should be killed. They become what Abas would call "false 
men." And these false men have ready access to mortar rounds, 
RPGs, AK-47s and other tools to kill and maim Americans.

Compound that with the growing disillusionment in this country 
toward our troops and the expanding influence of outside 
terrorists, and you get jubilant Iraqis dancing on burned out 
humvees.

Does the escalation of violence here in Iraq mean we should back 
out? I don't think so. My opinion matters very little. As a 
soldier here, I do what I'm told, but I know this country will 
descend into chaos if we leave now.

And when I think about my friends back at Ahmed's field, when I 
think about how gentle Abas is with his son, I know that we owe 
it to those people to find a way to fix this situation. Without 
even thinking broadly enough to contemplate whether our nation's 
prestige abroad can handle failure here, I can make that 
decision.

Kazi deserves a future.

(Sgt. Rod Watson is a 1997 graduate of Freeport High School and 
2002 graduate of Northern Illinois University. He is currently 
stationed in Tikrit, Iraq and is in the seventh month of his 
tour of duty there.)

http://www.journalstandard.com/articles/2003/11/09/local_news/new
s31.txt

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **GIVES A WHOLE NEW MEANING TO BEING PATRONISED**
Date: Sun Nov 9 17:36:47 2003

Message:
I have seen the "That R.O.I. is still available till midnight - 
I prefer my cheques unblended with anthrax most times - but 
after midnight it will Truly be gone." effect!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I think the Police needs more funding at some stage.
I don't think a Police role is appropriate and I am too Holy to 
crack crime anymore - might provide some pointers later on.

From: om/cf
To:
Date: Sun Nov 9 21:03:09 2003

Message:
Breathing the sweet air of freedom - Iraqi Bloggers are running 
rampant:

THE original:

http://dear_raed.blogspot.com/

Salaam is getting all upity, to busy writing Guardian articles 
and working on his book to blog. Good on him, he deserves every 
bit of it.

THE new Iraqi bloggers:

http://riverbendblog.blogspot.com/ 

http://ishtartalking.blogspot.com/ 

http://healingiraq.blogspot.com/
(My favorite, 'cept Zeyad is a DENTIST...dentist=pain)



THE within the last week NEW Iraqi bloggers:

http://www.messopotamian.blogspot.com/

http://iraqataglance.blogspot.com/ 
(Another good one but, he's Zeyad's colleague - another DENTIST)

 

From: Comma Victim
To: Me
Subject: **I AM IMPERSONATING A COMMA VICTIM AND I AM SLEEPWALKING AGAIN**
Date: Sun Nov 9 20:50:59 2003

Message:
S.O.S. Princess in distress ..

Yes well you would be better in bed than that pony in my 
opinion ...


Pull out 1 earplug. :) Do a check and see if that ammo. exploded 
already.
It did?
Good! :)
Pop it back in .. 


can u see motive 4 posting on afghan?

therefore this comma victim is on internet ...

But can u c motive 4 56k modem?

Do you think this individual believes in comma victims? :)



You are NOT the queen - you are a very naughty girl.

I still think we owe it to Princess Leia to try and work this 
issue out and be patient (or my patient) don't you?

I'd prefer to spend most of my time drifting aimlessly around in 
outer space on this particular Mission ....

That's what I want to do too!

Then let's do that! :)

It's better than listening to that fucking music/noise. LOL!!

Yes I think we've outlived the planet as well.

I think it is fairly limited what you can do here - shopping of 
course is nice but after that?
I've seen all those films on TV mostly, done the fairground and 
I think I have mostly had my fill of rock concerts with Frank 
Zappa dead and everything ...

Anyway, here's to you Mary - whoops! mean Jodie!! :))

I suppose you could say that they know they live at least once 
more - most of them - and what else could they possibly want?

I mean - apart from the money. :))
You are going to be very famous Sarah Do you feel ready 4 this?

On balance there actually IS a Princess Leia but she is more 
like a queen ... ;)

And yes she does live at the other end of the galaxy to us ....

If you want the Truth bluntly:

**OUR MISSION IS TO SAVE HER!!** :)

With the money I will cook you up a space ship before you could 
say *Wow! That was quick!*

Then we'll take those dragons out like the dogs they 
are .... !!!!

From: Dogbert
To: om/cf
Date: Sun Nov 9 23:39:10 2003

Message:
I don't know who the "comma" patient is, but it sounds like he 
could benefit from a "semicolonostopy"!      
                                
                                 

From: om/cf
To:
Date: Mon Nov 10 04:28:29 2003

Message:
I'll be back again tomorrow with another boring post, complete 
with the addresses to websites that no one will go to, mainly 
because I am a boring person, that has nothing of any worth to 
say. Please refer to me in the future as" The Mulatto who knows 
Blotto"

Thanks.

From: om/cf
To: Dogbert
Subject: **I'll be back again tomorrow with another boring post ... **
Date: Mon Nov 10 05:35:41 2003

Message:
I don't know who the "comma" patient is, but it sounds like he 
could benefit from a "semicolonostopy"!   
-----------------------------------------------------------------
What's a "semicolonostopy"!?

Thanks.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **MESSAGE TO THE BOYS IN BLUE**
Date: Mon Nov 10 05:58:36 2003

Message:
Clearly you didn't want the R.O.I. and because there is less 
crime thanks to me & because you are so well funded I'm going to 
dock all of your salaries and give it to the firemen.

In the meantime, about that cheque ...

Chew on it suckers.

"Now about that annihilation again" she breezily replied and 
went about feather dusting ... :)

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Mon Nov 10 06:11:17 2003

Message:
I have seen the *Prospective firemen of the future get ready to 
put out those rocket ship engines as they ignite and go on 
fire .. because they will .. * effect!!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Mon Nov 10 06:28:39 2003

Message:
I have seen the *Right that's us done too and now ... some more 
cricket - who's to bat? - or who is the bat? TOOooo* effect!!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Mon Nov 10 06:33:15 2003

Message:
There is a possibility based on my financial status that 
tomorrow I devote a thousand words or so to what "The Mission" 
really is about in my current opinion.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **THANKS FOR THE MONEY SARAH MATRAVERS :))** LOL!!
Date: Mon Nov 10 08:32:27 2003

Message:
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From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Mon Nov 10 08:35:47 2003

Message:
I have seen the "without money meet mega-man bitchy you tramp or 
afterlife sounds good to me" effect!!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Mon Nov 10 08:37:46 2003

Message:
LOL!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Mon Nov 10 08:38:35 2003

Message:
... back guarantee!! LOL!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Mon Nov 10 08:39:40 2003

Message:
I have seen the *Whatever you do just don't blow your cover 
about Princess Leia or I give up I just won the lottery and 
finally it is all over* effect!!

Yes 'tis me. :)
In case you were wondering, HELEN OF TROY is none other than 
Sarah Matravers. I, Richard Warwick used to post here as Seth 
and a few others but I just gave up on it when I saw her 
INCREDIBLE writing! LOL!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Mon Nov 10 08:50:11 2003

Message:
I have seen the *actually it was me - Richard Warwick - posting 
all along it was simply Helen Matravers communicating it 
telepathically to me all along* effect!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Mon Nov 10 08:53:37 2003

Message:
I have seen the *I have V.D. and a sore bum effect very recently 
too and this annoys me so I call for a physician and cry "off 
with his head!"* effects all the way down!!! 

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Subject: **I ORDER A PUBLIC HUMILIATION**
Date: Mon Nov 10 11:50:20 2003

Message:
I have seen the *Sarah, hate to spoil your party but I think you 
are making a dog's dinner out of your "first date" - I am 
getting just a little bit sick of rich women ogling me for 
nothing and whether you are my wife or not - doesn't at this 
stage frankly matter* effect!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Mon Nov 10 12:00:34 2003

Message:
I have also seen the *Did you ever consider MY feelings in this?
* effect too!!!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **WOULD YOU CARE TO MAKE A BIG MONEY PREDICTION Mr. BLAIR - IF YOU GET IT RIGHT PROBABLY MEANS YOU'RE PSYCHIC ..** LOL!!
Date: Mon Nov 10 12:02:01 2003

Message:
Dear Mr. Tony Blair,
I love you! :) I tell you what though - I Truly do see my 
mission clearly and if you could possibly arrange to have those 
funds released today then I would be highly appreciative. 
I'll 'phone you later today when I receive the money.
Thank you! :)
Best Wishes,
Richard Warwick

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **THIS IS THE MISSION**
Date: Mon Nov 10 12:07:10 2003

Message:
I have decided not to wait till tomorrow and just write it up 
now in brief. Essentially there are exactly two ways that I see 
this mission going:

(1) We destroy the planet with extremely powerful nuclear 
explosions.
(2) We attempt to initiate an intra-galaxial civilisation.

In both cases I am describing ultimate aims. Almost unbelievably 
I think that (1) is more likely than (2). However, if I manage 
to prove that faster than light travel is possible then I shall 
institute caution for (1).

Now let's look at the outcomes.

In the case of (1) our physical bodies will be dispensed with 
and we shall all die. However, we are all aware that Death is 
survivable because I have proven this to you because of my 
reappearance. Can anyone think of some of the possible 
advantages of not having physical bodies? :) Also, with no 
planet left to reincarnate upon we shall all remain in the after 
Death state "forever" to all intents and purposes. 

In the case of (2) I suppose we start infesting the galaxy. ;)

Still. I think we get the idea and I think this will take a deal 
of time.

From: Grand Wizard
To: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
Date: Mon Nov 10 12:47:59 2003

Message:
Have you ever seen the *EAT SHIT AND DIE, MOTHERFUCKER!* effect?

or the

*YOU ARE A SLOPPY DROOLING SHITFACED FUCKING CUNT* effect?

:::..Hahahaha..:::

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **THIS IS THE MISSION**
Date: Mon Nov 10 12:56:59 2003

Message:
I need to get the point across to you that the former writing is 
NOT repeat NOT a hoax. This is important to do because of a deal 
of the other writing. More later. That's it. Have a good one. 
Merry Xmas.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **SUICIDE IS EASY - ESPECIALLY WHEN THE JUSTIFICATION HAS BEEN SPIRITUALLY ATTAINED**
Date: Mon Nov 10 13:16:16 2003

Message:
Further: if you don't pay me some decent money by Saturday then 
I shall find a suitable manner to commit suicide. If I DO get 
paid by then then I shall be arranging some really nice Russian 
roulette parties. I'll play too. The reason is that I have 
become aware of my afterlife and that I am simply not prepared 
to go on month in month out on the dole and you may work out the 
destruction of the planet or the FLT for yourselves. 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: Grand Wizard
Date: Mon Nov 10 13:29:56 2003

Message:
Have you ever seen the *EAT SHIT AND DIE, MOTHERFUCKER!* effect?

or the

*YOU ARE A SLOPPY DROOLING SHITFACED FUCKING CUNT* effect?

:::..Hahahaha..:::
-----------------------------------------------------------------
No you lowbrow. Should I have?

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: **Mohammed Al Fayed**
Subject: **CASE SOLVED**
Date: Mon Nov 10 13:38:06 2003

Message:
Any ideas? Maybe you'd like to play some Russian roulette.

Let me know! :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **LET'S PLAY RUSSIAN ROULETTE. YOU GO FIRST.** :)
Date: Mon Nov 10 13:41:34 2003

Message:
It all depends on the chamber spin and the seating 
arrangements .. :)
I'd like a nice gun please. A .33 calibre gun would be good ..
Shall I have six, seven or eight places in the middle of the gun 
to put the bullets in though?

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **I KNOW! LET'S DO SOME MORE STUD FARMING** LOL!!
Date: Mon Nov 10 13:46:06 2003

Message:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/3256181.stm

Today's link for the disinterested & bored.

Yes you are a good looking woman & yes I am extremely proud to 
be a mother.

I'll blow up Damien along with any others later my avid l'il 
stalker ... Or hi there Harley Street. ;)

In the meantime, [if I survive by Sunday] would you like to play 
some Russian roulette? :)

I'll write out the invites in bat's blood & it shall be 
considered rude not to attend ..

I think the point is that you might have considered asking my 
permission for I.V.F. treatment first.

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Mon Nov 10 14:18:18 2003

Message:
I have seen the *drop fucking dead Damien and the Countess of 
Wessex or I'm only about 10 years old by the time I became a 
father* effect!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **HOW DID THE IMPREGNATIONS OCCUR?**
Date: Mon Nov 10 14:27:00 2003

Message:
I have seen the seen the oh I don't think she should read the 
latest communications or you fucking cunts for jumping the gun 
effect fuck off ...

How do you prove this in a courtroom?

You simply compare the genes. It's that simple. It delivers a 
guilty verdict.

Who financially benefited from this?

Members of the British Secret Service and Doctors on Harley 
Street.

"Tell us now Helen, are you going to apologise to your fucking 
cunts again?"
Yes!
Sorry! :)

"And how much did you financially benefit from this Helen?"
Not a lot ... :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Mon Nov 10 14:33:45 2003

Message:
I have seen the "removal of ALL of the genetic material" effect!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Mon Nov 10 14:36:42 2003

Message:
I have seen the *That did wonders for my maternal instinct - I 
suppose that sex is okay with the tube-tied* effect!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **THAT FUCKING NOISE IS FUCKING DOING MY FUCKING EARS IN**
Date: Mon Nov 10 14:42:54 2003

Message:
Seriously, I'm just sick of this fucking shit with the fucking 
sound. Can someone shut that fucking noise down?

By the way, that IS the Mission.

Now will someone kindly pay me?

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: om/cf AND F.B.I.
Subject: **WHAT I RECOMMEND - IT'S UP TO YOU.**
Date: Mon Nov 10 17:53:09 2003

Message:
My advice is to remove the archives and this thread and check 
that redistribution is not occurring. This is a difficult issue 
with these writings because I am still posting for one thing. I 
suppose we could start with the archives and a fresh thread ...

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: om/cf AND F.B.I.
Subject: **WHAT I RECOMMEND - IT'S UP TO YOU.**
Date: Mon Nov 10 18:51:46 2003

Message:
My advice is to remove the archives and this thread and check 
that redistribution is not occurring. This is a difficult issue 
with these writings because I am still posting for one thing. I 
suppose we could start with the archives and a fresh thread ...
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Actually who the fuck cares?

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: om/cf AND F.B.I.
Subject: **WELCOME TO THE NEW MESSIAH'S FAMILY PLANNING CLINIC AND THANKS AGAIN FOR ALL THAT DOUGH YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES**
Date: Mon Nov 10 18:58:55 2003

Message:
My advice is to remove the archives and this thread and check 
that redistribution is not occurring. This is a difficult issue 
with these writings because I am still posting for one thing. I 
suppose we could start with the archives and a fresh thread ...
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Actually who the fuck cares?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Are the Harley Street doctors dead yet? :)
Oh dear me, I guess I left a sperm sample lying around after 
doing the feather dusting ... ;)
Busy with the ice cream again?
What exactly have you been checking in my room? ... eek!!
Did you get a genetic sample too? :))
Good! :)
Remember that national database I am advocating .....
Might need to make it worldwide.

How do I actually know?
For example, I heard Harley Street gynecologists mouthing off in 
the background on TV, "we have got the new messiah's sperm."
My acceptance as a Harley street hospital spiritual healer 
proved less than welcoming a few days ago ...
Sarah was out like a shot today for her medical ...
I know that my living quarters have been gone over on several 
occasions by the spy services.

Maybe they'll all give birth to the AntiChrist, who knows?
The point is that they failed to pay me, or ask me if I wanted 
one or however large my extended family currently happens to be.
They're just fucking criminals which for the most part I simply 
wish to Hell - hope you go. 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **GEE THANKS FOR ALL THE MONEY**
Date: Mon Nov 10 19:16:37 2003

Message:
I have seen the *we have created the first human clone* effect!!

I think that was last fucking year actually, HAHAHA!! and 
involved that dingbat Raelian sect.

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Mon Nov 10 19:20:18 2003

Message:
I have seen the *you have successfully slowed down human 
evolution provided we don't blow the planet* effect!! LOL!!

HAHA! That is funny yes!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Mon Nov 10 19:22:08 2003

Message:
I have seen the *if only you stupid fucking cunts had paid me 
and listened to me and acted on my advice* effect!!

My ice cream is nice - how's yours bitch?

Or:

I'll shop your soul at the next full moon.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Mon Nov 10 19:24:34 2003

Message:
I have seen the *I sure as Hell ain't ever having one now, under 
my Divine guidance - not now, not ever you monsters!!* effect!!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Mon Nov 10 19:26:11 2003

Message:
I have seen the *well I guess we blow the planet then, give me 
the money and I'll do you a good coupla doomsday bombs* effect!!
LOL!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **WANT THOSE FUCKING A/C DETAILS AGAIN?*
Date: Mon Nov 10 19:32:52 2003

Message:
I have seen the *can't even put food on the table for the 
umpteenth time* effect!!

You know I think it is you that is humbled in this little 
financial matter and instead of you fucking cunts consistently 
LYING about doing this or similiar, to just admit that you never 
considered me in this and instead of constantly asking for 
forgiveness without the fucking money which I can most certainly 
assure you that you shall NOT receive.

Just credit the fucking account. You are all in utter disfavour.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Mon Nov 10 19:49:56 2003

Message:
I have seen the *It is like trying to fell an elephant with a 
peashooter* effect!!

I saw the jump the gun effect a little while back too and I 
honestly think that it is high time that you should start 
treating me with some respect. I hate you for your endless 
commentaries about my financial status without EVER doing 
anything about it for example. If you are not a complete fool 
then you know that I have never been rich in the past. This is 
because of your "keep him down Jesus" approaches to me. I 
obviously don't give a shit about those women now so how's about 
the goddamn money with that little inconvenience out of the way?

From: TRUDY OF TROY
To:
Date: Mon Nov 10 19:54:52 2003

Message:
I have seen the *well at least if I blow you all to shreds you 
won't have to worry about the archives and read this material 
either* effect!!

From: FUCKBUCKET OF TROY
To:
Subject: **EVERYONE KNEEL FOR THOU ART JUST ABOUT TO FEEL A VERY VIOLENT JOLT BENEATH YOUR FEET**
Date: Mon Nov 10 19:59:40 2003

Message:
Actually, my name is Seth. :)
I am a great spiritual healer. LMAO!
Got you there didn't I?
Yes - I got you, you got me ...
We are the World, we are the children, let's make a brighter 
world with nuclear explosions!!!
I think it is some theosophical thing about the *rounds* and the 
planetary cycles?
But anyway I'll be convincing you all later about our collision 
course day with the moon ... :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **COUNTESS OF WESSEX**
Date: Tue Nov 11 03:28:04 2003

Message:
You see I think the essential problem here is the permission 
aspect and that nobody pays me around here and that I wish their 
sorry asses into Hell and that I think we should blow up the 
planet anyways but otherwise congratulations on a bouncing baby 
boy. LMAO!

In the meantime with your lineage I suppose you'd make a better 
Queen with your lineage than Sarah Matravers ....

Personally, I'd say the father was about 6000 miles away when 
the baby was conceived as well as born. Ceasarean's are mostly 
unwarranted by the way and can leave an unsightly scar. Find 
yourself a good plastic surgeon from Hollywood on the 
recommendation of a friend. Get yourself a facelift too and I'll 
see what I can do ..... LOL!!

Did you ever see that film *The Omen*?
Well go and see that and also the various sequels ...
Don't say I didn't warn you but you have given birth to the 
devil. :)
I think that it will be quite funny when the devil has his pay 
day with the moon personally ..
In the meantime, knock yourself out with an unrearable child. It 
most certainly is NOT the first and it is most certainly NOT the 
last.

From:
To:
Date: Tue Nov 11 03:40:58 2003

Message:
THIS PLANET IS NO GOOD.
*****************************************************************
*IT JUST SUCKS ASS.
*WE NEED TO DESTROY IT.
*IT'S JUST THE WRONG KIND OF UNIVERSE.*****YOU DO THE 
RESTWITHASTERIX OH FUCK OFF!
*AND YOUR BRAINS ARE MUSH.
*THIS WAY WE CAN HALT THE REINCARNATIONAL ASPECT, SEND A FEW 
*HARLEY STREET "GYNECOLOGISTS" OFF TO HELL - AMONGST OTHERS. :)
*IF YOU THINK THIS DIVINE SERVICE IS WORTH MONEY THEN HERE ARE 
*MY BANK ACCOUNT DETAILS:****************************************
*BILL GATES, CARDCASH A/C HALIFAX, 123456788, SORT CODE - HEAD 
*WEST FOR THE SEA OF TRANQUILITY.********************************
*****************************************************************

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Tue Nov 11 04:08:58 2003

Message:
I have seen the *That was funny placing Damien of "The Omen" 
face down into the dust of the Sea of Tranquility* effect!!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **CRIME DOES NOT PAY**
Date: Tue Nov 11 04:19:52 2003

Message:
In general it is tolerative that young people commit minor 
crimes. Beyond that it is an issue of motive and motive alone. 
You had better made sure that your motive was good and that your 
conscience is clear ...

Otherwise I adhere to the principle of atonement which probably 
means stripping you of all of your material assets amongst other 
things.

Do you miserable curs have the foresight to see beyond your next 
pay check and consider the issue of Eternity?

Not all of you in my opinion - but the choice is yours ...

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **PHYSICAL DECREPITUDE**
Date: Tue Nov 11 04:38:34 2003

Message:
Solution?

Good sex & the Love of a good woman.

And that was entitled:

"PHYSICAL DECREPITUDE"

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **NEW MESSIAH SMILE!**
Date: Tue Nov 11 04:46:12 2003

Message:
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)
NEW MESSIAH SMILE! ..................................... BANG! :)

And that was entitled:

Helen in action with her Smith & Weston .33 calibre handgun and 
the *NEW MESSIAH SMILE!* people. :)



From: zig zag
To:
Date: Tue Nov 11 06:53:05 2003

Message:
mornin you shower of cunts

From:
To: zig zag
Date: Tue Nov 11 10:27:07 2003

Message:
mornin you bag o' shit

From: Rewind
To:
Subject: The Classics
Date: Tue Nov 11 15:29:05 2003

Message:
From: EagleEye 
To: Muslims all over 
Subject: luv a dead afghan in the a.m. 
Date: Tue Oct 23 07:37:02 2001 

Message:

Never laffed so fucking hard in my life - thank you CNN for the 
humor.  Those pathetic pictures of afghan civilians - especially 
the kiddies - blown to bits scurrying for food amongst their 
Taliban land mines.  Our airmen couldnt have been any 
smarter ... dropping the food in the mined areas on purpose .... 
watching the stupid fuck Afghan pea-brained waste of oxygen 
fucks get off'd by their own fucking hardware - hehehehe  LO-
fucking-L.  Nothing like the sight of mined afghan child in the 
a.m.

You sick fuck muslims brought ALL the drought, famine, illness, 
and now the BOMB.... the glorious bombs on your dumb fuck 
selves.  ALLAH is showing you that your too fucked and stupid to 
move where there is water, and frankly - your so fucking dumb - 
he has foresaken you for the smart people in the WEST.  When 
will you learn Donkey Dick breath?

Im sooo glad the British came up with the ingenious way to rid 
themselves of the Mad Cow infected beef - send it to Middle East 
dumb ass fuckers - to stupid to see if its fit to eat.  Cant 
wait till we start dropping the Pork Rhinds and bacon bits.  Its 
so good to know Osama enjoys Pork Sausage in his Kraft 
[american - made in the US of Fucking A - U Donkey bitch Muslim 
fuckers]Macaroni and Cheese.

What a great way to pull out of a recession - war on MUSLIMs.  
After we fuck you dumb Arab/Afghan swine scrotum lickers up. Pay 
a little tribute to Saddam - as we all know he dont wanna get 
left out, then on to Indonesia - where it'l be like shooting 
goldfish in a bowl - just aim for the mosques - dumb fuck 
Muslims.  What a stupid ass bunch of lost souls .....following 
somewhere worthless fuck who all of a sudden became 
enlightened.  First form of Westernization - capitalism - feed 
off the stupidity of a bunch of un-educated Goat fuckers.

Largest source of Opium - why?  Gotta keep those farm animals 
high - cuz who'd fuck the women?  Problem with 1/2 you piece of 
shit Afghan / Arab fuckers is that your daddy is an ASS - as in 
Donkey - cuz a man wouldnt fuck your momma - especially after 4 
years of Taliban restriction on H2O - the bitch cant wash her 
gash - only thing she's fit for is a MULE.  That why you MUSLIM 
fucks are so stubborn - and Stupid?  Maybe thats why you fuckers 
recallection of history starts with the Ottoman Empire?

No matter .. the stinky bitches and dumb goat pole smoking 
toothless fux will meet with a westernized smart bomb thru their 
window.... and there Ill be - laffin MYAO watching my western 
news on my western tv, as more dumb fucking muslims - too stupid 
to get out are blown to bits by bored F-18 pilots.  I think the 
pilots will get more accurate, and the bombs will get smarter 
when Afghan/Taliban/Muslim casualties get closer to 5,000.  But 
since it takes 1,000 Afghans to make the equivelent of 1 
American human - 5,000,000 dead MUSLIM fuckz is my estimate to 
call it even.  Kinda hope we get that many AFTER we get Bin 
Hidin - the panzy ass jihide warrior.  Fucker is probably 
scarfin down a pork chop as we speak.

Why do muslims Pray towards Mecca 5 times a day?  Its numerical 
odds thing Muhhamid figured out long ago .....  The more times 
you get on all fours, with your ass up in the air like a bitch 
in heat - muttering the goat mating call, the more likely the 
little billy goat will be around with a stiffy to stuff up your 
dumb goat luvin MUSLIM ASS.  Praise be to ALLAH.

Gotta give credit where credit is due though.  What a great 
religion ..... go all your life beleiving and chanting and 
abstaining from the worlds traps of vice, sex women alcohol .... 
but if you go on a Jihad mission ... you fuckin muslims get to 
spend gobs o cash on chasin broads, Boozing it up in FL and 
Boston Bars, and ordering up the towns finest hookers - cuz we 
all know ya gotta go out with a little American stink on your 
root - praise be to ALLAH .....

Can some MUSLIM fuck with more than 1/2 a synapse explain a 
jihad?  So is that where you kill a bunch of innocent women and 
kids ... blame Jews, and then go hide in a cave till you run out 
of food  ... or video tape and batteries for your wireless 
microphone?  new word / correction for the Muslim | Islamic 
dictionary jihad = jihide.

Jihad Warriors - buwwwaaahahhahhahhahaaaha.  Fuck for all we 
know - we're fighting the Muslim women - they look and smell the 
same - I feel sorry forthe farm animals - being forced to poke 
that 4 yr old no bath stank shit that is an Afghan/MUSLIM woman.


ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **MESSAGE TO QUEEN ELIZABETH OR HERE WE GO AGAIN WITH THE ARMISTICE**
Date: Tue Nov 11 17:08:53 2003

Message:
The sperm "donation" was on an anonymous basis in the case of 
the Countess/Duchess [or whatever it is] of Wessex.

Yes, well just carry on I guess - but I see your guard slip.
 

From:
To:
Date: Tue Nov 11 17:46:47 2003

Message:
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK  ALL  YOU  COCKSUCKERS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **JEREMY PAXMAN**
Date: Tue Nov 11 17:14:12 2003

Message:
Isn't it strange what an apology, forgiveness and a slur can get 
you? ;)

From:
To: FUCK ALL YOU COCKSUCKERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: Tue Nov 11 18:48:44 2003

Message:
And remember: Fuck you, and fuck the cunt you call: Mother!

From:
To:
Date: Tue Nov 11 18:55:22 2003

Message:
fuck your mother....

i'm your daddy.........

and daddy's home so.................. 

START SUCKING BITCH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From:
To:
Date: Tue Nov 11 21:01:58 2003

Message:
Nope, but thanks for the offer...Queer.

From:
To:
Date: Tue Nov 11 21:01:58 2003

Message:
Nope, but thanks for the offer...Queer.

From: shitball
To: Limey FUCKS
Subject: 11th month, 11th day, 11th hour
Date: Tue Nov 11 21:03:22 2003

Message:
FUCKING ASSHOLES COULD NOT WIN WITHOUT THE U.S.A. !!!!

And you needed help in '41

Remember BRITISH ASSHOLES........................

IF IT WASN'T FOR THE U.S.A.    ...

YOU WOULD BE SPEAKING GERMAN IN 2003!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK THE QUEEN !!!!!!!!

And don't forget prince charles is a cock sucking, butt fucking 
asshole since he was young.

The royal (asshole family) protected this homo for years, the 
royal family is dead.

Di was killed by you assholes, just like Kennedy.............



From:
To: shitball
Date: Tue Nov 11 23:39:13 2003

Message:
With just a few lessons, you could upgrade yourself to stupid.

From: George Washington Bush
To:
Subject: **THIS IS DOWNING STREET OR S.A.S. TARGET PRACTICE.** :)
Date: Wed Nov 12 07:14:30 2003

Message:
Gordon & Tony are holding hands in the extreme centre ...
Around about them are the Police presence who are wondering 
about their sanity.
Next comes the railings.
And next comes me. ;)
And next comes the tax payers' money ..
And next I sense discord with the populace .. ;)
Next comes the ring of steel and then a few cardboard wielding 
pansies who seem to forget that the war is over - stupid twits - 
fuck off home!! LOL!!


From: HELEN OF TROY
To: shitball
Subject: **11th month, 11th day, 11th hour**
Date: Wed Nov 12 07:26:57 2003

Message:
FUCKING ASSHOLES COULD NOT WIN WITHOUT THE U.S.A. !!!!

And you needed help in '41

Remember BRITISH ASSHOLES........................

IF IT WASN'T FOR THE U.S.A.    ...

YOU WOULD BE SPEAKING GERMAN IN 2003!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK THE QUEEN !!!!!!!!

And don't forget prince charles is a cock sucking, butt fucking 
asshole since he was young.

The royal (asshole family) protected this homo for years, the 
royal family is dead.

Di was killed by you assholes, just like Kennedy.............
-----------------------------------------------------------------
That was the U.S. ambassador folks.
Duh! Thanks for your opinions .... LMAO!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **AS A RESULT OF THE ONGOING [AND CONTINUED?] NOISE DISTURBANCE IN THE VICINITY I HAVE MADE THE FOLLOWING JUDGEMENT.**
Date: Wed Nov 12 09:41:57 2003

Message:
In the case that that FUCKING music/noise EVER plays again, I 
have decided this:

With the SOLE exception of the Countess of Wessex, unless your 
pussy got itself registered with a legitimate escort agency or 
similiar by the 11th day of the 11th hour ... 2003 ... and you 
ARE a virgin with a clean bill of health ... and you look like 
shit? We get the idea.

In the case that that FUCKING music/noise does NOT play again 
EVER, I have decided this:

I'll settle for the Countess of Wessex.

My preference? :)
Tell me all about it later [you FUCKING ASSHOLES]

NB Seth doesn't seem to be particularly impressed with the 
number of X I have said *FUCKING ASSHOLES* - so I'll just say it 
again for you. Later fuckheads I'm off for some shopping.



From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Wed Nov 12 10:23:13 2003

Message:
I have seen the *Only registered pussy and the smooth cunt of 
the Countess of Wessex or the smooth cunt of the Countess of 
Wessex only* effect!!

And to think I am only 10 years old! 
Gee Mom, all that talk of pussy has me H.O.T., H.O.T., H.O.T. !! 
LOL!!

From: Guess Who
To: Next Generation
Date: Wed Nov 12 12:23:31 2003

Message:
I used to frequent this board but with its new cast of faggot 
characters it really is Un-read-able, must be the attack of the 
British, I never have liked the British simply because of the 
fact that they carry umbrellas.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **BELIEVE IN ME AND LIVE THE LIFE ETERNAL**
Date: Wed Nov 12 16:52:41 2003

Message:
Would someone kindly inform the Countess of Wessex that I wish 
to be betrothed?

Would you also like to inform her that I am preparing to set off 
World War III?

The question is in which order these two events occur.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **JUST HAVE IT AS THE NOTES OR I HAVE SEEN THE GIROCHEQUE DOUBLE ASTERISK EFFECT**
Date: Wed Nov 12 16:56:43 2003

Message:
Believe me, it is impossible to blow up the world.
We'd just get another very similiar to this one.
It would comprise you having physical bodies 

luxury sex violence

money

provide with new memories

need moon shunt we must destroy the planet

have to work out if or how we can get moon shunt

the winter solstice is therefore the best time to do it when the 
gravitational attraction of the sun is the least
new moon approx of winter solstice
More specifically at what time of the day would the shunt be 
best - line up the aspect with the moon and you got it
Astrology vs astronomy? HAHA Because it is earth centred LOL!!

start war on US side - biggest impetus from USSR - Q. is how 
long does it take for other side to trigger theirs because the 
double whammy time period needs to be known + relative size of 
arsenals

we are going into 4th round. I come from the 5th
that's why only 7 "planets" are used in asrology

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **LET'S HACK INTO U.S. DEFENCE**
Date: Wed Nov 12 18:23:42 2003

Message:
Yes I have a new hobby & I think I could get this done by 
Christmas. ;)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **IT'S PHYSICS THAT WILL DETERMINE THE SOLUTION**
Date: Wed Nov 12 18:27:14 2003

Message:
So I have no idea presently if you can shunt the planet such as 
collision with the moon occurs. I will look at the firepower 
some other time. If you can't then I'll still try and cause 
World War III anyway and if you don't get your "round" tough - 
couldn't care less - pay me a fucking salary you fucking 
assholes!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Wed Nov 12 19:10:46 2003

Message:
I have seen the *Start World War III with Einstein's Physics and 
shunt the Earth into the moon with Newton's Physics* effect!!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Wed Nov 12 19:12:50 2003

Message:
I have seen the *If you don't get your "round" - I won't get 
your fucking "round" you fucking cunt boys* effect!!! LMAO!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: Next Generation
Subject: **Guess Who**
Date: Wed Nov 12 19:15:52 2003

Message:
I used to frequent this board but with its new cast of faggot 
characters it really is Un-read-able, must be the attack of the 
British, I never have liked the British simply because of the 
fact that they carry umbrellas.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
You are not British and you probably need a parasol but you're 
too fucking dumb to know what one is. Otherwise who the fuck 
cares? I know I don't. Fuck off!

From: shitball (U.S. Ambassador)
To: all
Subject: limey assholes
Date: Wed Nov 12 21:07:05 2003

Message:
I love my job, and hate all the brit queers.

We should've let the Gremans own that shit-fuck island.

Then the Irish would have pissed on the limeys as it should have 
been.

"The Nazi's were assholes....but they had cool uniforms."

Soon we will hear how the brit prime minister has been blowing 
Dubya since this fucking Iraq escapade started.

PEACE OUT !!!!!!

brits just keep on suckin' like $3 ho's

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: *Seth*
Subject: **FUCKING ASSHOLES**
Date: Wed Nov 12 21:11:17 2003

Message:
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
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*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 
*FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** *FUCKING ASSHOLES** 

How was that? :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: shitball (U.S. Ambassador & a fucking asshole.)
Subject: **I WILL TRY AND GET YOU SACKED YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. FUCK YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! FUCK!**
Date: Wed Nov 12 21:22:04 2003

Message:
I love my job, and hate all the brit queers.

We should've let the Gremans own that shit-fuck island.

Then the Irish would have pissed on the limeys as it should have 
been.

"The Nazi's were assholes....but they had cool uniforms."

Soon we will hear how the brit prime minister has been blowing 
Dubya since this fucking Iraq escapade started.

PEACE OUT !!!!!!

brits just keep on suckin' like $3 ho's

From: shitball (U.S. Ambassador)
To: brit fuck assholes
Subject: HELEN OF TROY
Date: Wed Nov 12 21:17:47 2003

Message:
At least this poster has a spine.

FUCK crABS !!!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: shitfuck
Subject: **YOU ARE SHIT YOU FUCKING CRABMEAT I'LL TAKE YOUR PINCERS AND TAKE SOME STUPID FUCK AND PINCER THEIR FUCKASS NOSE UNAWARES SO THAT THE DUMB FUCK BLEEDS AND CHARGE THE STUPID DUMB FUCK FOR IT - AS INDEED IN THE RIGHT KIND OF UNIVERSE I DID AND ESSENTIALLY RECEIVED THE PAYMENT BACK.** :)
Date: Wed Nov 12 21:34:15 2003

Message:
By the way fuck off & DIE you fucking ASSHOLES and yes that 
includes you **guess who** you fucking cunt boy.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Wed Nov 12 21:39:46 2003

Message:
LOL!!

From:
To:
Date: Wed Nov 12 21:58:41 2003

Message:
13       
    :            
                                                          
                                                                
              "         "                                       
                                                            
                1991.                (     )             
     "    "                          (  )                      
(    )                          13                           
                                                              
                         .
                                                  "         "    
                                                              
                                                                 
               .                                 ,             
                                                       "     
    "                                           . 

Na3ant allah... heh ? mo haichi? :P


From: shitball
To: HELEN OF TROY
Subject: Spine
Date: Wed Nov 12 21:56:58 2003

Message:
Glad to see you have one................

PEACE OUT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From: SomeOtherFucker
To: Brit GirlieBoyzz
Date: Wed Nov 12 22:28:06 2003

Message:
From one faggot to another...how very fucking touching, like the 
Prince Charles story, the pillow biter forced to inseminate Di 
twice,,,,what a sad lot,,,,

Elton John is the poster boy for British males.




From: A racist lawn mower repair man from gators creek georgia
To: Helen from troy or somthin
Date: Wed Nov 12 22:14:45 2003

Message:
peanuts make peanut butter helen hehe, light a fire and try a 
little p butter on wheat toast with marmalade, then go and fuck 
your ass with somthin

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Thu Nov 13 05:42:49 2003

Message:
pay for water otherwise fuck paying rent or where did that 
fucking reminder sheet go?

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Thu Nov 13 05:44:45 2003

Message:
I have seen the *Why bother with all of those Newtonian 
equations when by comparison the meteor that struck the Earth 
and ended the reign of the dinosaurs was so many times more 
powerful than the puny combined effect of your stupid fuck 
nuclear arsenals and it didn't manage to do it* effect!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Thu Nov 13 05:47:37 2003

Message:
I have seen the *Karmacally/Karmaically/Karmally/Karmacally (?)  
fucked up the ass - sorry meant "challenged" people who don't 
pay me* effect toooo!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **IS IT POSSIBLE TO PULL THE NUCLEAR TRIGGER VIA THE INTERNET?**
Date: Thu Nov 13 05:51:02 2003

Message:
On balance yes.
If I find out how to do this I shall blackmail you for the money 
and I shall explain to you how I did this.
Alternatively, I shall simply commence the war.
This software amuses me.
You cunts suck ass!!! :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: A racist lawn mower repair man from gators creek georgia
Subject: **JUST ANOTHER FUCKING ASSHOLE OF THE MINUTE OF THIS DAY**
Date: Thu Nov 13 05:59:10 2003

Message:
peanuts make peanut butter helen hehe, light a fire and try a 
little p butter on wheat toast with marmalade, then go and fuck 
your ass with somthin
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Congratulations you are in Georgia - that's a good barge pole 
enough away from me you fucking asshole! :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: shitball (The official U.S. Ambassador)
Subject: **Read all about it in the Scientific journal of your choice.**
Date: Thu Nov 13 06:02:25 2003

Message:
From: shitball (U.S. Ambassador) 
To: brit fuck assholes 
Subject: HELEN OF TROY 
Date: Wed Nov 12 21:17:47 2003 
Message:
At least this poster has a spine.

FUCK crABS !!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
There is all sorts of amazing Scientific experiments that you 
can perform on crabs. :)
For example some scientists thought there was nothing better to 
do in the world but to remove all of their legs and simply wait 
for the influence of the moon ....

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: shitball (The official U.S. Ambassador)
Subject: **SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN I THINK OR CRAB EXPERIMENT RESEARCH GRANTS ARE RELATIVELY EASY SO WHY DON'T YOU PAY ME YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES?** :)
Date: Thu Nov 13 06:11:22 2003

Message:
.. Once having received the influence of the moon those 
scientists (?) decided there was nothing better to do but remove 
the legs from another crab, stick them upside down one upon the 
other and provide them with their own personal blood supply .. :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: **RAT EXTERMINATORS AND CRAB SIAMESE TWIN INDUCERS.**
Date: Thu Nov 13 06:16:04 2003

Message:
I have seen the *Siamese twin crabs* effect!!!!

But Hell if it is in the interests of Humanity and you can prove 
this I'd say here's the money on the table.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **MY VIEWS ON ABORTION??**
Date: Thu Nov 13 06:19:46 2003

Message:
I think you should pay me you fucking assholes.
Nonetheless, why did you get pregnant in the first place or why 
did you not seek appropriate birth control methods?
I can only assume that you harboured the secret desire to get 
pregnant and no you cannot fool me when you look at the 
statistics - *no* means *no* so date rape is out on this one.
By and large since you women are stuck with this bizarre 
mentality [unless I cause your deaths in a nuclear explosion] I 
am PRO abortion.
On the issue of the timing I would simply say the sooner the 
better.
I think that Catholicism has more going for it but is overly 
rigid within certain areas.

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Thu Nov 13 06:28:39 2003

Message:
I have seen the *you can't fool me - my name is Richard Julian 
Warwick passport number 540009282 of the British "Empire" - we 
all fucking know it, we're the fucking assholes - better credit 
his A/C* effect!!

Now fuck off!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Thu Nov 13 06:34:54 2003

Message:
I have seen the *She is tight enough pussy for me* effect!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **EUTHANASIA**
Date: Thu Nov 13 06:57:54 2003

Message:
If life is INTOLERABLE physically AND you are an adult I propose 
presently the following:
If you are mentally capable of signing your own death warrant 
and if this is witnessed by at least three people who are 
capable of judiciously witnessing such a thing [i.e. they would 
be medically qualified to do such a thing AND they would be 
properly assessed to do such a thing AND they would continue to 
be assessed such as they were qualified to decide such an issue.]

Then I will sign your Death warrant too. :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Thu Nov 13 07:03:35 2003

Message:
I have seen the *I have lived for 40 years plus* effect!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Thu Nov 13 07:05:38 2003

Message:
I have seen the *euthanasia, animal cruelty and abortion* 
effect!! :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **IAN HUNTLEY & YOUR FUCKING CUNT**
Date: Thu Nov 13 07:13:52 2003

Message:
This has been considered at length.

Guilty. :)

From: Maxine Carr
To: Helen of Troy
Subject: **I DID NOTHING**
Date: Thu Nov 13 08:11:37 2003

Message:
Don't be fooled by her looks ...
I am certain that the 1st degree murder charge is warrantable 
and that indeed she put Huntley up to it.

Who therefore is the principal institutioner of the crime in 
this particular matter?

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Thu Nov 13 08:16:25 2003

Message:
I have seen the *Exit Stage Left* effect!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **POWYS**
Date: Thu Nov 13 08:18:37 2003

Message:
I think it will spread.
Do not blame yourself over this issue.
Do not buy potato comestibles presently.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **CHARLES DAWSON**
Date: Thu Nov 13 08:26:28 2003

Message:
What Truly lies behind the scenes of the British Museum? :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK CAUSED THOSE DAMAGING UK WINDS OTHER THAN THE SOLAR FLARES?**
Date: Thu Nov 13 08:28:52 2003

Message:
The solar flares. :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **Mr. Blair**
Date: Thu Nov 13 08:31:47 2003

Message:
Let's execute this fucker. :)

From: Mr. Tony Blair
To: Helen of Troy
Subject: **I AM SHIT THAT WILL ROT**
Date: Thu Nov 13 08:34:17 2003

Message:
Don't let the little issue of Hell and Eternal Damnation get 
between me & your government funding my Lord and New Messiah. 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **Mr. Blair**
Date: Thu Nov 13 08:37:11 2003

Message:
All together now: :)

We condemn the fucker Blair to Hell.
He is a lying piece of shit.
May he rot in Hell forever & ever.

Amen.

:)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **HOW TO DEPOSE OF MUGABE**
Date: Thu Nov 13 12:00:54 2003

Message:
If you want to kill Mugabe then why don't you just plan it 
without sending along the warning video to the British 
ambassador?

Too late now.

On the other hand I suppose it doesn't matter too much either 
way.

If a group of people are that determined to kill an individual 
or two for legitimate reasons then they inevitably suceed.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Thu Nov 13 12:44:50 2003

Message:
I promote the reintroduction of free milk into primary schools 
and nurseries.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **CARD SUIT OR BRING ME THE ACE OF SPADES AND OFF WITH HIS HEAD OR DO YOU WANT ME TO MAKE YOU A PSYCHIC PREDICTION** ;)
Date: Thu Nov 13 12:48:31 2003

Message:
Hearts - Love 
Clubs - Martial
Diamonds - Wealth
Spades - Labour

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **HOW TO SOLVE A MIDDLE EAST CRISIS**
Date: Thu Nov 13 13:00:16 2003

Message:
If you listen to me then I will try and help.
I think that you must remember the historical perspective and 
that there has been unrest in that region of the world during 
the Crusades too and some other key moments in history.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **OUR SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP**
Date: Thu Nov 13 13:08:16 2003

Message:
I wonder if the Prime minister would care to explain why he 
thinks that London is such a terrorist attack risk currently?

Actually I'll just do this for him.

This is the reason he has given and spread through the media to 
justify all of that tax payers money which shall be used for his 
additional security especially next week.

Next week the U.S. president is visiting the U.K.

He too insisted that the British taxpayer should foot the bill 
for his additional security and Tony Blair agreed. :)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **PEOPLE HAVE ASKED FOR THE PLANETARY PRINCIPLES SO HERE THEY ARE**
Date: Thu Nov 13 13:14:43 2003

Message:
Hearts - Love - Venus
Clubs - Martial - Mars
Diamonds - Wealth - Sun
Spades - Labour - Moon

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **SORRY ABOUT MERCURY BUT I HAD TO KEEP THE RED AND BLACK COLOURING EVEN**
Date: Thu Nov 13 13:24:32 2003

Message:
Hearts - Love - Venus
Clubs - Martial - Mars
Diamonds - Wealth - Sun
Spades - Labour - Moon
Vials - Health - Jupiter
Scythes - Death - Saturn

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Thu Nov 13 13:32:17 2003

Message:
I have seen the *Where is the Mercurial perihelion currently? 
Where is the Mercurial perihelion currently?* effect!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Subject: **YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH YOUR STUPID FUCKING MOBILE PHONES. YOU LOOK LIKE TWATS WALKING ALONG THE ROAD TALKING AT SOME OVERCHARGED RATE TO YOUR STUPID FUCKING FRIEND** LMAO!!
Date: Thu Nov 13 13:34:04 2003

Message:
I have seen the *mobile phone smacked very firmly against my 
wall* effect!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **WHO AM I MARRYING? DUNNO** LOL!!
Date: Thu Nov 13 13:48:22 2003

Message:
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_836851.html?menu=news.royals

Sorry for the mistake but it's not you I'm marrying.

She is a royal hoe and floats around St. James Park. ;)

Still. Congratulations on your/my child.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **BELIEVE YOU ME - THE COUNTESS OF WESSEX IS A STUNNINGLY ATTRACTIVE WOMAN**
Date: Thu Nov 13 14:47:56 2003

Message:
Okay. I've just been talking to Secret Services (the less 
treacherous variety.)

Yes that is not a particularly good photo. Sorry.

From: an Italian guy
To:
Subject: Arab splendour
Date: Thu Nov 13 16:29:28 2003

Message:
Italian Soldiers in Nassiriya were getting on quite well with 
the locals. They played with children, in many messages of 
theirs to their families they told to be loved from the people 
there.

19 Italians killed, 19 wounded, 9 Irakis killed.

Do you want to know what the basic problem is?

That the 2 Pigs are still alive.

From: om/cf
To: an Italian guy
Date: Thu Nov 13 18:15:49 2003

Message:
This Iraqi web logger backs up what you wrote 100% about the 
relationship the Italians had developed with the Iraqis in 
Nassiryah.

http://messopotamian.blogspot.com/

The Islamaniacs who have invaded Iraq can't stand to see 
progress of any kind. They just slap together a car bomb, close 
their eyes, click their heels together three times and 
chant "there's no place like the stone age, there's no place 
like the stone age"....

From: Facts Finder
To: Om/Cf
Subject: Muslims militants
Date: Thu Nov 13 18:44:04 2003

Message:
Hi, How is your day? Hope everything running smoothly.

I wonder what are the comments of those who were discussing with 
me and your regarding the Jihad thing. People like SISTER, AWM 
and etc. I wonder how they feel now that Riyah is also targeted.

What I have said have all come true. Now is the best chance to 
fight these militant. You can see the change of muslims support 
for these militant once they own are targeted. Many, especially 
in the poor areas who do not know what is happening around the 
world still support these terrorist because they thought they ae 
fighting for Islam cause. I don't blame them, if I were one of 
them I would likely do the same.

All we can see is power struggle, they don't care about their 
people. Look in Iraq, Aghanistan, Middle East, Indonesia and 
etc. These leaders are fighting using the name of Islam to gain 
support.

Let us all including Muslims in this month of Ramadan and the 
coming of Christmas continue to pray for peace to all as we 
continue to fight these terrorists which has made life 
unfortable, misery and suffering for so many.

God Loves us all.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: **SARAH MATRAVERS**
Date: Thu Nov 13 19:16:52 2003

Message:
Why did you annul our marriage Sarah?
Do you know Sarah - I don't think that was a particularly good 
idea ....
I'm afraid that I simply cannot allow that sort of thing to 
happen around here.
Would you like me to sing a song for you Sarah?
It's a song about you you tramp and it's called *Daisy* :)

DAISY 

If you can't credit my Halifax account with two million pounds 
this time tomorrow (because you can only stick thirty thousand 
in there) then you could try my Migros high interest account in 
Geneva. Alternatively you could try the UBS one. If all else 
fails then try unmarked bills through the letterbox. Now you 
know that I am absolutely serious about this because I need to 
build far more powerful nuclear bombs than we have presently. Oh 
yes, and you will be the Queen too. :))


From: om/cf
To: Facts Finder
Date: Thu Nov 13 20:38:35 2003

Message:
Hello, good to see your post, hope all is well. We have two more 
case compression unit machines finished and on shipping skids 
for Nestle. LOL! If they have tropical protection electric 
motors, they are headed for Singapore or Malaysia.

Judging from comments of Muslims following the Saudi bombing, it 
may have opened some eyes. I hope so. There is NO ONE these 
braindead zombie terrorist freeks WON'T murder to achieve their 
goals through terrorism.

Look at the major terrorist bombings in Iraq: The Red Cross, the 
Jordanian Embassy, the U.N. Headquarters, the Italians at the 
police station. It's clear these attacks are aimed at dividing 
those that are in Iraq to help Iraq. It's also clear these are 
not ordinary Iraqi citizens organizing and carrying out these 
murderous attacks that are killing far more Iraqis than 
outsiders. Vehicle bombs are the m.o. of Al Queerda and the 
like, not Iraqis. 

Sadly, Japan and South Korea decided today NOT to send their 
peacekeeping troops to Iraq just quite yet in the wake of the 
Italians getting bombed. Now there's a good message to send to 
the terrorist bastards; you win! Did they think they were 
sending soldiers to a boyscout campout? Lost some respect for 
those two today, but hey, it's their decision. The Italians are 
standing in support of the Iraqis despite the terrorist attack 
against them. There are now quite a lot of countries with troops 
and/or equipment in Iraq to help stabalise Iraq - no thanks to 
the U.N. (United Nothingness)

It's good to finally see U.S. troops going on the offensive 
against the insurgents in Baghdad for two days in a row. U.S. 
troops going house to house moving out the residents today 
before bringing in a Spectre C-130 Gunship and blowing a factory 
building into rubble that was being used to make 
mortars. 'Course the bad guys probably vamoosed before the hit 
but I like seeing the boyz protecting the civilians - it'll pay 
off in the long run hopefully.

Take care. 

From: Nigger of Troy
To: Facts Finder
Subject: Dont believe every thing you hear
Date: Fri Nov 14 10:58:58 2003

Message:
I think you should read between the lines rather than believe 
the american media.

From:
To: Nigger of Troy
Subject: Facts Finder
Date: Fri Nov 14 13:50:06 2003

Message:
Neither "Facts Finder" or om/cf are interested in the least 
about FACTS.
If George Bush told Americans that terrorists were hiding in 
Singapore or Malaysia, om/cf would be more than happy to know 
that Malaysia was going to be bombed into the dirt, with no 
thought in the least for "Facts Finder". 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **FUCKING ASSHOLES**
Date: Fri Nov 14 19:21:26 2003

Message:
In case you were wondering you fucking assholes, I am none too 
impressed with the wonders you are continuing to do with my 
finances. I thought I told you fucking assholes to pay me 
something. **FUCKING ASSHOLES** :) 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **MORE ON YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES**
Date: Fri Nov 14 19:34:11 2003

Message:
Not half did I not: *I thought I told you fucking assholes to 
pay me something.* ?

You don't want anything don't have anything. Whether I do 
anything for you or not in the future you fucking assholes, then 
you get to live with being a fucking asshole through and through 
for the rest of your shitty fucking existence and the fact that 
I know it too. HAHAHAHA!! :)

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Fri Nov 14 19:37:55 2003

Message:
I have seen the *I am slightly less a fucking asshole than the 
other fucking assholes and by a grand majority because Helen 
told me so personally* effect!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: **The F.A.**
Subject: **OKAY YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES - HERE'S HOW TO MAKE A SPANISH OMELETTE OR BEFORE ALL THAT RING ROT SETS IN TRY THIS ONE.**
Date: Fri Nov 14 19:41:24 2003

Message:
Quoting from "Spanish Cooking" by Elizabeth Cass
Published by Andre Deutsch for "The Cookery Book Club"
Second impression 1968

Tortilla Espanola [Spanish omelette]

3 eggs well beaten
2 medium sized potatoes
1 small onion
oil
salt and pepper

The potatoes are chopped finely, like match-sticks, and the 
onion is also chopped. Both are fried slowly in the oil, without 
browning until tender. The beaten eggs are then added and fried. 
The omelette is turned over and cooked on the other side (the 
easiest way is to use a plate on top and turn the frying pan 
upside down, the omelette is then slipped back in the pan on the 
other side).

Comment: It takes a while to make one since the tender non-
browned potatoes take ages. You can try chopping them up into 
large slices and boiling them for 3 or 4 minutes first and this 
will help remove starch. In my opinion, "match-stick sized" is a 
shade too thin and the pieces of potatoes may just as well be 
irregular in shape and considerably larger. Make sure you select 
decent onions - you can check if they are any good at the shop 
by testing their firmness with your fingers. Use a high quality 
olive oil and use plenty of it. When the mix is done and it 
comes to adding the eggs, you may wish to haul them out into a 
saucepan first and then stir in the eggs. That way you can deal 
with any excess oil or remains stuck to the bottom of the frying 
pan by first cleaning it with water and washing up liquid [you 
won't find much else handy that dissolves the grease]. Use 
therefore a large non-stick pan and don't mess about - make one 
with a good twelve eggs or so which ends up about three quarters 
of an inch thick especially if there are two or three people who 
are going to consume it. When it comes to the second stage of 
cooking with the egg and potato mixture then add in the olive 
oil and wait for it to get extremely hot - it will begin to 
smoke - but wait no longer, tip the pan slightly and pour the 
mix in. Turn down the heat to medium. If you don't like the idea 
of turning the omelette over with a plate - and you should be 
careful because the oil is damn hot - then you can just finish 
it off under the grill. You should test to see that the omelette 
is firmly cooked through with a knife or similiar culinary 
implement and check the residue upon the surface. This is an 
inexpensive meal though I suppose that if you were to go to the 
effort of cooking one then you would buy quality items. 
Delicious hot and cold and excellent for picnics and the like, 
it should keep a day in the refrigerator.

One final point, when cracking the eggs crack them into a 
seperate container like a glass first and examine it for 
freshness and then add them one at a time to the main container.

Well I'm not ever cooking you one - but there you go you fucking 
assholes - that's how to cook yourself a Spanish omelette. Knock 
your fucking assholes off with it. 
 

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **FURTHER ON THE SPANISH OMELETTE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES OR ULRIKA CLEAN UP YOUR FUCKING ACT OR WE ALL KNOW YOUR HAIR IS AUBURN OR WE DO NOW OR NAME ME YOUR SOLICITOR** :)
Date: Fri Nov 14 20:24:49 2003

Message:
(1) I urge caution adding salt to foodstuffs when you are about 
to place them into extremely hot oil because the oil can go on 
fire. With olive oil you will probably get away with it because 
it begins to smoke at a considerably lower temperature than say 
colza or sunflower oil. (If you buy "vegetable oil" then you are 
invariably buying colza oil - this is a yellow flowering plant 
that is cultivated primarily for its ability to replace nitrates 
into the soil and not for its yield).

(2) Make sure the oil evenly covers the pan by twisting the 
handle of the frying pan prior to cooking.

(3) Blotting paper, A4 computer print-out paper - you name it - 
it will be able to remove excess oil from the freshly fryed mix 
of potatoes and onions. The problem with newspaper is that the 
ink contains poisonous elements that can be absorbed by the food.

(4) Lots of quality olive oil is probably not a bad thing. 
Coupled with exercise and the right kind of living then your 
complexion can improve and it is known that your longevity can 
be increased principally due to the effect of quality oil on the 
heart.

(5) If you are making this dish for the first time then urge 
upon yourself caution and make a smaller one than I stated 
because practice makes perfect.

(6) Be very careful not to over-tenderise the potatoes if you 
boil them because you will end up with fried mash and onions 
which is not the purpose of the exercise. When you have finished 
draining the potatoes if you boil them then rinse them in cold 
water.

(7) This is a high calorie meal. This is not necessarily a bad 
thing especially if you are planning on running a race or 
walking a few miles the next day. In other words, the best kind 
of lifestyle to adopt includes a high calorie diet with a lot of 
cardiovascular exercise that is consistently maintained, if that 
is possible for you.

(8) Though a meal in itself you could also have lettuce or 
similiar in a vinaigrette as a side accompaniment.

(9) Use ground black pepper ground with a pepper pot or failing 
that use ground black pepper on top.

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Fri Nov 14 21:24:26 2003

Message:
I have seen the *A Spanish omelette even if we are fucking 
assholes is still better than a microwaved cat* effect!!

From: om/cf
To: H.O.T.
Subject: OMELETTE 's
Date: Fri Nov 14 21:27:32 2003

Message:
You'll someone a fine wife someday.

However, I prefer the Western omelet (my version). Three or four 
eggs beaten (definatly a seperate container from the pan) with a 
splash of milk for fluffiness if desired. Add finely chopped 
fresh tomato, green bell pepper, onion, and ham and/or bacon 
bits.

Cook on low heat in 8-10 inch frying pan carefully flipping 
after two minutes or so. Add any cheese (Swiss is excellent) to 
one half of the omelet and slowly fold over the opposite half 
and cook an additional minute or until the cheese is well melted.
If done correctly, it looks like a giant smile or a half moon.

Serve with hash brown potatoes on the side and toasted bread. 
Potatoes in with the eggs?? What, are ya fuckin' NUTS?




From: NothingButTheNews
To:
Subject: Santa Claus is Coming to Town
Date: Sat Nov 15 00:06:45 2003

Message:
Bush's visit will be expensive, but America has paid many times 
over

By Tom Utley
(Filed: 15/11/2003) 


You can tell that the most important person in the world is 
coming to London, simply by walking around. Look up, and you 
will see helicopters circling, day and night. Whitehall and the 
Mall are thronged with armed police. Cars are being stopped and 
searched at random, from Park Lane to the East End. Crowd 
control barriers are going up everywhere, while beneath the 
pavements, uniformed men are searching the sewers for bombs. And 
he won't even be here until Tuesday night.

To stroll around the city centre this weekend is to take a crash 
course in the geopolitics of the modern world. Yes, we all knew 
that America was the only superpower remaining on Earth, and 
that its President was the world's most powerful politician. But 
it is only when you see the helicopters, the mobile 
communications centres, the roadblocks, the uniforms and the 
guns that the full significance of those facts comes home. Every 
Londoner now knows how it must have felt to be a citizen of 
Gaul, preparing for a visit from the Roman Emperor.

I am old enough to remember the two visits to Britain made by 
John F Kennedy, when he was US President - first in the summer 
of 1961, when he came to attend a family christening, and then 
in June 1963, five months before his assassination. As a 
schoolboy, I was mightily impressed by Kennedy's motorcade on 
that first visit, when he was driven up the Mall in an open-top 
Bentley, with Jackie following in a blue-grey Rolls-Royce. The 
convoy had no fewer than 20 motorcycle outriders. I had never 
seen anything like it.

Two years later, when Kennedy visited Harold Macmillan at Birch 
Grove in Sussex, I laughed with everyone else at the story of 
the president's blood. He always travelled, we were told, with a 
reserve supply of his own blood, for transfusion in case of an 
emergency.

The story went that his secret servicemen asked Lady Dorothy 
Macmillan to put the presidential blood in her fridge. She 
refused, on the grounds that the very thought of keeping human 
blood in the same fridge as her dogfood was perfectly 
disgusting. The blood went off, and stank out the house. But as 
we schoolboys laughed, we all thought: "Wow!" It was quite 
something, if a little melodramatic, to be so immensely 
important that you couldn't travel anywhere without an emergency 
supply of your own blood. Five months later, of course, we were 
to learn why this had been a sensible precaution.

But if we schoolboys of the 1960s thought those two visits 
pretty groovy, think how much more impressed today's generation 
must be by the descriptions in the press of President Bush's 
entourage. It is said that he will be bringing with him as many 
as 250 secret service agents. Then there will be perhaps 150 
advisers from the National Security department and about 200 
other civil servants, as well as 50-odd political aides from the 
White House. Mr Bush will be travelling with his own chef and a 
team of four other cooks. There will be 15 American sniffer-dogs 
and their handlers.

So much for the personnel: now for the hardware. The President 
will be arriving in a convoy of three jumbo jets - two identical 
Boeing 747-200s, reserved for presidential use, and a third one 
on charter. He will have his own US Marine Corps Sikorsky Sea 
King helicopter and a Black Hawk, fitted out specially for 
protecting him. (I love the story, although I am not sure 
whether or not to believe it, that the Queen has refused to 
allow the Black Hawk to hover over Buckingham Palace during the 
President's visit, ready to shoot down any attacking aircraft, 
on the grounds that it would be "too noisy".) It is rumoured 
that he will have not one, but two identical motorcades, each 20 
cars strong, including his own armoured Cadillac Deville.

Many Britons are kicking up a fuss about all the disruption that 
the President's visit will cause, and the cost of the security 
operation to the Treasury. This seems extraordinarily mean-
spirited to me. Even if the cost is 10 times greater than the  5 
million figure that is being bandied about, it seems a small 
price to pay for policing the first state visit to Britain by an 
American President.

I mentioned the Roman Empire earlier, and I am reminded of the 
brilliant scene in Monty Python's Life of Brian, in which the 
leader of a Judaean terrorist organisation asks : "What did the 
Romans ever do for us?" The answer to that question went on for 
ages. (They gave us aqueducts, education, sanitation, decent 
roads, the rule of law.)

It occurs to me that the answer would be equally long if the 
question were now put: "What did the Americans do for us?" For a 
start, they twice saved us from German tyranny, entering 
conflicts that were not obviously their own; they rebuilt the 
economies of Europe and Japan; they gave democracy a chance all 
over the world; they gave us Hollywood and The Simpsons, the 
internet and the Boeing 747. Britain's greatest ever 
contribution to civilisation was the liberal democracy upon 
which America was founded, and for which its President is now 
the chief standard-bearer. How dare people quibble about the 
cost of his visit, when America has paid us a billion times 
more, in blood and dollars?



http://www.telegraph.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml?
xml=/opinion/2003/11/15/do1501.xml&sSheet=/opinion/2003/11/15/ixo
p.html 

The Queen can rest assured there will be NO Black Hawk helo's 
fluttering above Buckingham Palace. Those will be AH-64 Apache 
attack helo's. ;)

From: bad boy bubby
To: om/teeheeeheee cf
Subject: you're a fucking moron
Date: Sat Nov 15 02:02:34 2003

Message:
only a first-class cock-sucking yank could have a name like 
open-mouth/close-first. Like some pretentious apache indian 
name, fucking grow up you sad prick!

From: Proctoid
To: orally molesting children frequently
Date: Sat Nov 15 02:05:49 2003

Message:
I prefer your wife's fishy omlete piss-flaps, best served 
whilst you're out at work paying for the beers i drink whilst 
she cleans my spunk off her face!

From: Duce
To: Italian Gay
Date: Sat Nov 15 02:15:50 2003

Message:
Hey, spaghetti-dick I've told you before to fuck off, whataya 
want a fuckinga slappa? We know italians are good at playing 
with children, and they usually steal their dinner money too

From: Facts Finder
To: Nigger of Troy, Nameless and Om/Cf
Date: Sat Nov 15 04:33:11 2003

Message:
Yes many are still hiding in Singapore and Malaysia. Have 
arrested some and some a staying low at the moment. Here in 
Malaysia and Singapore. Majority of people are living in 
relgious harmony but a minority group of this muslims is trying 
to change all of us into Muslims and if we don't they bomb us. 
You call that religion. We are having Ramadan and there are 
places where they are selling clothes, religious item, 
decoration, food and etc. It is visited not only by Muslims but 
by many other religion. I love to buy things and eat at these 
places during this time.

Again I say muslims should ask themselves, would they respect 
others believe. If not then, this fight will never stop.

Malaysia Muslims goverment has just close a muslims religious 
school as they were teaching young tenager to be muslims 
militant. I really wonder how many of these schools aroungd the 
world are teaching these, so called Jihad things.

As for Nigger of Troy, no I don't follow western media only. I 
see reality all around the world. From politics to poverty. From 
there I use my own judgement to see what is right and what is 
wrong. You can be sure I will comment if I find the others are 
wrong but so far. I believe President Bush has done a good job 
in fighting terrrorism. If there were no Sept 11, I wonder what 
all these terorist was up to. When they really build their 
forces of evil. How many more Sept 11 will be targeted.

Yes definitely, some of our good guys have to be sacrifice.

Have a great weekend to you all. God Bless.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To: om/cf
Subject: **You'll someone a fine wife someday.**
Date: Sat Nov 15 06:22:50 2003

Message:
However, I prefer the Western omelet (my version). Three or four 
eggs beaten (definatly a seperate container from the pan) with a 
splash of milk for fluffiness if desired. Add finely chopped 
fresh tomato, green bell pepper, onion, and ham and/or bacon 
bits.

Cook on low heat in 8-10 inch frying pan carefully flipping 
after two minutes or so. Add any cheese (Swiss is excellent) to 
one half of the omelet and slowly fold over the opposite half 
and cook an additional minute or until the cheese is well melted.
If done correctly, it looks like a giant smile or a half moon.

Serve with hash brown potatoes on the side and toasted bread. 
Potatoes in with the eggs?? What, are ya fuckin' NUTS?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
LOL!! Outrageous arse!! I surrender!! LOL!!!





From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **FAST OMELETTE**
Date: Sat Nov 15 06:27:08 2003

Message:
Get yourself a container and beat three eggs [with a fork] into 
it none too vigorous mind you.
Meanwhile you have got yourself any old frying pan at maximal 
heat with 4 or 5 level dessert size level spoonfuls of quality 
Xtra virgin olive oil [I prefer the Italian olive oils any day 
of the week]
[If in doubt just add more oil, this won't fuck it up - I can 
assure you - however there IS a happy medium.]
If you have some chopped basil then add around now ........
Chuck the mix in with the tilted pan and turn down the heat to 
medium.
Pull at the edges of your omelette with a wooden stick or 
similiar as you first rinse off the fork and the original 
container for beating the eggs under cold water only.
Tilt the pan such as your pulling action is accompanied by the 
unsolidified egg mixture seeking to occupy the space hitherto 
only occupied by high temperature olive oil and seek to effect 
this evenly in all directions with respect to the four cardinal 
directions and your [friggin'] non-stick pan.
All of this will have only taken a couple of minutes and if you 
are good at this kinda shit then you can throw your teflon 
inlaid pan outta the window because you truly have the 
expertise ... [you fucking cunt boys & girls!!] :)
Flip your omelette. Use the appropriate implement and turn half 
of your omelette upon the other half. [you sad fucks!] :)
[If you are a sad fucker then you have already sprinkled your 
omelette over the entire surface area with Gruyere or Emmental 
or white fin tuna already.]
Allow to cook for a minute and then flip so that the other side 
gets equally browned.
Though it may be your breakfast, serve with a quality glass of 
white wine and fuck off!! :)
Now Fuck you too!! I'll make one I'm warning you! Also, I'm NOT 
making it 4 U .. @^*(#))_+$)_(+)$@)# BEEP!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **Kennedy - or follow that link**
Date: Sat Nov 15 06:57:01 2003

Message:
*I am old enough to remember the two visits to Britain made by 
John F Kennedy, when he was US President - first in the summer 
of 1961, when he came to attend a family christening, and then 
in June 1963, five months before his assassination. As a 
schoolboy, I was mightily impressed by Kennedy's motorcade on 
that first visit, when he was driven up the Mall in an open-top 
Bentley, with Jackie following in a blue-grey Rolls-Royce. The 
convoy had no fewer than 20 motorcycle outriders. I had never 
seen anything like it.*

It was the mafia and it was over Marilyn Monroe.


From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sat Nov 15 07:09:45 2003

Message:
I have seen the *one and three quarters dessert spoonfuls per 
medium sized free range egg* effect!!

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To: **ANOTHER BUNCH OF FUCKING CUNT BOY ASSHOLES**
Subject: **And you like to claim that your jumped up prices for your sports footwear derive from Scientific research you fucking board of directors fucking assholes or I have seen the "Made in Malaysia"* effect!! :)
Date: Sat Nov 15 07:32:11 2003

Message:
"My Ass is your Ass when it comes to Adidas." :)

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sat Nov 15 07:40:23 2003

Message:
I have also seen the *"Do not Gamble with Proctor." & the "You 
name it we'll dissolve it." (I.C.I.) & the "Only the Liberal 
Democrats are the Liberal Democrats."* effect!! :)

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To: **THE SICKO FUCKING CUNT BOYS**
Date: Sat Nov 15 07:59:44 2003

Message:
10.50pm  Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (15) (FILM) 
1997 Side-splittingly funny spy spoof, mercilessly lampooning a 
host of espionage classics. Mike Myers stars as the sex-mad 
Sixties secret agent of the title, who is cryogenically frozen 
and defrosted 30 years later to battle an old enemy intent on 
world domination   a task he finds almost as daunting as getting 
to grips with Nineties political correctness. Elizabeth Hurley, 
Mimi Rogers, Michael York and Robert Wagner also star (888) 
(Stereo)  
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I have [hopefully] seen the *I'm watching this strictly for the 
acting abilities of Ms. Hurley ... or did they treat that knife 
attack on your eye via the N.H.S. or did you decide to go 
private?* effect!!

From: Ms. Hurley
To: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
Date: Sat Nov 15 08:03:29 2003

Message:
I have seen the *I went private and I want those fucking 
assholes DEAD IN HELL!!* effect!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Sat Nov 15 08:09:26 2003

Message:
Okay. :)

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sat Nov 15 08:23:24 2003

Message:
I have seen [apparently] the *chop her left eye up & I will send 
you to Hell* effect!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Sat Nov 15 09:20:32 2003

Message:
Oh My! Modula-1!
Oh My! Modula-2!
Oh My! Modula-3!

Is there a Modula-4?
Oh My! Modula-4 NOT ...! :)

Fuck off BBC1!
Fuck off BBC2 ..

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sat Nov 15 09:30:05 2003

Message:
I have seen the *If ... Then ... Else ... Fuck off! ... Next ... 
* Effect!!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **HOW TO DO IN THE PAPARAZZI**
Date: Sat Nov 15 16:26:58 2003

Message:
Well, I could go into action again with my hand gun ...
Otherwise, why not just use my camera? 

And that was entitled "How to do in the paparazzi." :)

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sat Nov 15 16:30:13 2003

Message:
I have seen the *What a wasted opportunity along with some 999 
sirens* effect!! ;)

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **HOW TO SINGLEHANDEDLY DO IN THE ENTIRE PUBLICITY MACHINE**
Date: Sat Nov 15 16:32:04 2003

Message:
You could shoot Rupert Murdoch or we could just wait for him to 
die ... ;)

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sat Nov 15 17:06:19 2003

Message:
I have seen the *Why stop with publicity when you can do in all 
the celebrities too?* effect!! LOL!!

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: *I KNOW! LET'S POUR PETROL/GAS OVER BLAIR AND BUSH WHEN THEY MEET AND SET THEM ALIGHT** :)
Date: Sat Nov 15 17:10:26 2003

Message:
If you do then I'll take my clothes off for you ...

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Date: Sat Nov 15 17:15:16 2003

Message:
... And appear on Page 3.

From: HELEN OF TROY
To:
Subject: **HELL DOES NOT REPEAT NOT EXIST** :)
Date: Sat Nov 15 17:16:46 2003

Message:
Why stop with excommunicating Blair & Bush when you can pour 
petrol on them, set them on fire and subsequently fail to pump a 
bullet in them as we await for Emergency services ...

... when we can make it an issue of Faith? 

From: SOUTH_PARK_DUDE
To:
Date: Sat Nov 15 18:29:29 2003

Message:
I have seen the *U.S. president pull the nuclear trigger - fuck 
off for the umpteenth time* effect!! :)

From: om/cf
To:
Date: Sat Nov 15 21:04:05 2003

Message:
I prefer your wife's fishy omlete piss-flaps, best served 
whilst you're out at work paying for the beers i drink whilst 
she cleans my spunk off her face!
__________________________________________

Yeah? You're lying through your one brown tooth ya fuckin' limey 
fuck bucket!

From:
To:
Subject: om/cf
Date: Sat Nov 15 22:44:11 2003

Message:
Yeah! Everbody knows om/cf aint gots no wife! He aint never had 
shit enough to keep a woman around im! Lonely bastard he is!

From:
To:
Subject:
Message:
Message Text Color:


Don't change anything... but refresh this page
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